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Downside of being "in the know"


Fuzz

1,961 views

Over the last 6 years I've built a pretty good relationship with Green Day's team. They know me, I get stuff in advance, I know things most fans don't, I'm very lucky for all that. I get this stuff because they trust me. I'm told when something might be coming out so I can prep something to write-up on GDA. I often don't tell anyone at all about everything I actually know, and it sucks.

A couple years ago someone I care deeply about was really upset because I couldn't take them with me to an event where I got to spend time with Green Day. I don't hold it against them, I understood 1000% where they were coming from, and I'd probably feel the same way if the situation was reversed.

But I couldn't do anything about it. It was too late to fix it, and even if I could, I'm not sure what I could have changed. Had I chosen the route to please this person, someone else would have been upset at me. This is what sucks. I'm so extremely lucky to know things about Green Day before many 'regular' fans know about it. But i've also become very close to many people that I have this incredible guilt that I can't tell them everything I know. I can't tell them when the next secret show will be, I can't tell them when the next studio update is coming out, I can't tell them when any special announcements are coming - and those friends resent me for it.

I've made very few friends through GDC because of this. I worry that people expect something out of me that I'm not comfortable providing. I can't be the friend that tells people everything just because we're friends. And because of that, people end up disliking me.

I see people who make best friends on GDC, and even better, they can fall in love and find the person of their dreams through GDC. I've seen it more than a couple times. What makes me incredibly sad is that I can't do this. Because at the end of the day I feel my role as part of these sites is so different from everyone else that expectations of me are higher than I wish they were. I want these sites to succeed, and that means getting access to information before other fans at times.

I wish I could make more friends through this site that I could consider close friends, without ever feeling like they expect something of me.

I'm jealous of everyone who can use these sites to make those connections. How is it possible that I'm the owner of one of the largest fan sites on the net with millions of visits in a year, yet I feel so incredibly isolated from everyone. That shit sucks.

14 Comments


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DecanoLP

Posted

Dude, nobody should expect anything from you. Never. It's just logical that you know more about the band which is a proof for your amazing work here.

People wanting you to share secret information are stupid and don't seem to appreciate anything you do for the community!

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I'd feel the exact same way if I was in your position. Your feelings are totally justified.

Really though dude, in all seriousness, people love what you do, and they love you for doing it. I'm happy to play a small role in GDA, but if everyone else knew how much it actually takes to run two amazing sites like you are, they'd totally shit themselves.

EVERYONE here is eternally grateful for what you do. It sounds extremely, extremely cheesy, but Green Day pulled us together, and that's the way it's gonna stay!

  • Like 2
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melissawebster

Posted

Yeah, only an idiot would actually get angry with you for not sharing your secrets, and personally, I don't think you should waste your time worrying about idiots. Everyone worth being friends with understands.

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Heather.

Posted

It never occurred to me what a burden you have there. I have nothing but respect, man. I find it so hard to believe that anyone would shun your friendship if they understood what you have to do and why. Maybe if they read this, they'll understand---anyone with a brain and a heart can tell that you do what you do because it's in the best interest of us all, and without that dedication and maturity we'd all be wallowing in GD ignorance. You don't deserve that kind of isolation.

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Trotsky

Posted

Some people just exist altruistically, even if they never intended to. You, Andres, are one of those dudes who has given up things you want for others. I don't believe in god or karma or any force in the universe that will shower you with sex and joy for your good deeds, but I think you would be deserving of taking some pride in what GDC has done for so many of us.

I mean, you're totally right, lots of us have found close friends and even love here and that's pretty fucking amazing, I've been on bigger internet communities where such strong personal connections would be totally unlikely to even have a chance at occurring. This isn't just another forum it's like, every day of my life for the past six years.

We appreciate you. <3

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WestboundSign!

Posted

Wow. I feel ashamed of never realizing what problems you actually have there. I can just say that I really appreciate what you're doing. I don't understand why some people should have problems with you not telling them everything in advance.. I mean, it's your job, isn't it? That's as if a psychologist told every single friend about the problems some of his sick persons have..

And hey, most of us fans here on GDC are extremely happy with over-analyzing and speculating about every little thing. What would that be like if we knew everything in advance because you told us? :hug:

I really hope you can make some real good friends on here as well. You helped all of us to - you should enjoy this awesome privilege too! Hopefully the people you were talking about will read this blog entry - and more importantly: will understand!

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Katarina.

Posted

Your friends should understand you can't tell them those things, it's easy as that. If they can't handle that, that's their problem. I'm sure you can have (close) friends who understand you know these things. I know I for example would be totally fine with it.

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I know I give you crap sometimes, and have vainly designated myself as your "troll," but I hope you understand that it's all in good fun. I really don't mean to be hurtful in any way, and I am one of those who truly appreciates everything you've done and continue to do to make all of us lowly people feel connected to greatness. You are greatness yourself, Andres, and don't let anyone ever make you feel otherwise. We all have our obligations and duties we either did or didn't ask for, but it takes true integrity and balls to live up to your responsibilities. With charm. You are charm. xoxo.

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Bastard of 1967

Posted

Andres - I think it's sad that anyone who calls themselves a friend of yours would ever knowingly put you in the position of having to choose between your friendship, and the requirement that you safeguard confidences that your contacts with Green Day and their label entrust you with. Your true friends, whether you meet them here or offline, will understand the responsibilities you have and would never knowingly ask you to compromise your ethics for their benefit. Anyone who doesn't isn't worth the time. Determining who's who, on the other hand, is a judgment call you'll have to make not just here but throughout life, and your only guide has to be your own intuition. Usually the worst that can happen if you make the wrong call about someone is having to purge them out of your friendship circle.....painful, yes, but rarely fatal. :)

You've built a pair of fan sites that are a model for what others should be, including Green Day's own official Idiot Club. Please don't forget that, and please also don't forget how much so many of us appreciate everything you've done here. :thumbsup:

  • Like 4
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Heavy lies the crown of our fearless leader....With great power comes great responsibility! etc etc.

Seriously though, I think one of the great things about your leadership of this site is that you don't tell people what you know. I'm glad the GD team can trust you and that I can trust you and these sites to be the best. I'm sure that trust took a while to build. Anyone who doesn't understand that and the incredible amount of work that you put in doesn't deserve to be your friend. This has been most obvious lately with the increased GD activity and issues with the server. In addition to the friendship aspect, this is a job for you and everyone needs to appreciate that regardless of how close you are.

On the subject of friendship, Hi, I'm Karen (obv!) I was the girl in the Larry Livermore t-shirt talking to Mikey at the Mess Fest when you told him you had to leave as no one was coming up to talk to him! I also met you briefly in McDonalds near the St James last year at AI closing.

  • Like 1
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lizziebix

Posted

This left me a bit sad. Sad that you feel isolated from making close friends here. Here, at a tremendous website that has brought so many people together, whether irl, or just as internet friends. Without you that could not have happened. I, also, find it so sad that these so-called friends only feel to be your friend means for you to betray other confidences. That doesn't define friendship to me.

You have taken on a huge responsibility with your Green Day connections and friendships. You're shown your great and true leadership here and on GDA. There are so many people on here that would like to get to know you for who you are and not the information you know. Me included.

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Sarcasm

Posted

*emo hug*

I get where you come from, but if friends try to exploit your position to get "inside information", are they really worth feeling bad for, when they know it will make you feel bad?

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PigSniffingGlue

Posted

*that's* your "emo" blog? that's not emo, that's really understandable

AND it reminded me of a good quote that Billie once said "I don't really like people that much, people are kinda stupid in general".

It's really weird and sad to me that people actually, as you said, begin to dislike you because you can't tell them some information.

Green day and their people trust you for a reason, they know you won't end up running to your friends and telling them the awesome announcements Green Day are about to post.

Although I don't really know you in real life, and I'm not active on GDC, I do like your personality, you're always nice to everyone, and tolerant to other's opinions, also you often have a big smile on your face and make us all laugh till our private parts hurt, so I can't possibly imagine how you didn't meet much friends in here, you are amazing. I could have been your friend, again if I was more active on here, and if you wanted a 17 years old jerk as your friend XD

I hope now that you brought that up people will understand more about the responsibilities you have and, will befriend you and without expecting you to tell them things you can't tell.

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Fuzz

Posted

Thank you all for the extremely kind comments. As I re-read this blog this morning I thought "oh shit, I hope I don't regret posting what I did." While I think the tone is a bit more emotional than I actually feel, it does feel good to be able to write this and get it off my chest as those are the thoughts I've had many of times. I got a bunch of lovely pm's, emails, and texts from people who thought it was directed at them. It's really comforting to hear from people concerned for me and my feelings, and I thank all of you for taking the time to read it and leave a reply supporting me.

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