So, I don't have much in the way other socials, and IK I'm barely active on here, but. This site is kind-of like a void. Green Day fans seem to just ignore you and not interact if they're not your friends. and I like that. So here I am, writing out my stream of consciousness.
My family has a kinda funny tradition where we give my dad, who's hyper-masculine and kinda brash, a shirt or mug or something that has a cute picture of our chihuahua on it because, idk, it's funny to see him wearing or holding something with a cute lil puppy on it. So this year, I started making him a patch that's of our dog Lizzie's face that I can sew on to the item of his choice. But the anger-inducing thing is, this year, he's refusing to accept anything with her on it.
She's, I'll be honest, a horribly ill-behaved little dog. She's turning 12 this year and she's still massively untrained. and not for lack of trying, either. She failed puppy school. twice. But it's not really her fault. We adopted her from the humane society when she was 6-9 months old- and as she'd already had a litter, we think she escaped from a puppy mill. She had scratches on her face and a tear in her ear when we got her; and she was approximately only 1 kg (she's now 9 kg, so she's not a teacup dog or anything. she was starved.). It was a bitter winter, and the rescue staff had assumed she had dug holes and hidden underground to survive before thy found her. Based on her injuries and her hatred/fear of other dogs, she'd gotten into a few fights. Her ill behavior mostly stems for her inability to handle the existence of other dogs. they terrify her. And every time she sees one, she lets out this horrible scream bark and starts wildly jumping around and trying to attack the other dog. It's embarrassing for my parents for sure, and she has accidentally bitten my dad before, but from her perspective I get why she's like this.
My dad's refusal to basically acknowledge her as of late is angering to me for a lot of reasons. First of all, we get it. Lizzie's a naughty dog. You signed up for this. Next? While he hasn't beat her persay, when he's really mad at her, he squeezes her neck or presses her face into the ground hard until she squeals, and it's really fucked up. I'm always scared he'll kill her on accident. And yes, I of course tell him to stop when he does it in front of me, but he usually screams at me and doesn't stop. Sometimes my mom can stop him, sometimes she doesn't even try. When he does shit like that, I'm completely unsurprised she's neurotic. And I'm thankful he's never hurt me, tbh.
But yes, Lizzie has attempted to attack a few neighborhood dogs lately (by that I mean she's strained on her leash, growled, thrashed, and scream-barked at them. She's always on leash, and she's never actually hurt another dog while in our care.). And my dad's been pissed to the extent that he says something offhand and derogatory about her every time I go sit with her and pet her. And this patch, that I've been working on for weeks and looks pretty fucking great, he's refusing to wear. And it kinda feels like a rejection of me at this point. Even though I did not start this tradition, my attempts to remind him that the dog is actually, ya know, a pretty awesome part of our family, are somehow an affront to him. I'm just mad.
And I'm scared. I'm moving in August, and I can't take Lizzie with me. And without me around, I'm scared he'll get rid of her (which at this point in her life will give her crazy abandonment issues), or hurt her so badly it permanently fucks her up. or kills her or something. And every time I bring that up to him or my mom, they get simultaneously mad, sad, and offended, and the conversation is dropped mutually by all of us.
I'm just straight-up not having a good time.
Also I'm moving to a place that's real close to wear my sister lives. And she was straight-up violently abusive to my whole family as I was growing up, particularly me and my dad. And Lizzie sometimes. So I'm stressed as hell about that, too.
I just want people to be nice to my dog. and to me.