La la land is fun so far. It’s just like the real word, except for the fact that I enjoy living.
In my mind, I’m just an average Joe with a shitty job and miserably single. I live in a dull routine. But I have dreams, aspirations, goals... a will to live. While the life I’ve created is not one that I want in reality, it’s one in which I’m happy. Happy is a start.
I can’t keep track of time. Hours feel like days. Days feel like months. I feel like I’m sleeping half the time I’m awake. I’m so messed up.
My parents have caught on to what’s happening. They tried to have a conversation with me the other day. I can’t say when; I don’t know. They kept calling my name for hours, but I was in a catatonic state. I was completely unresponsive. It was almost as if I wasn’t there. As if I wasn’t in my own body. It took me four hours spot to snap out of it.
I can still separate fantasy form reality, but the lines are getting a bit blurry. I’m fading much faster than I expected.
I talked to my therapist earlier today. I told her what’s going on and shit. She gave me a face that was like 😯. I don’t know what that means. I think it was a “oh, wow, this girl’s off her rocker” face. I don’t understand humans. Humans are difficult.
In summary, my world is imploding and everything’s falling to pieces. Soon enough, I’ll be put in an asylum. I don’t like the asylum here. The nurses there are mean (and I’m pretty sure they’re ableist. One time they made fun of a PTSD patient because she couldn’t be around people with tattoos; tats trigger her trauma). I hope I get put in a nice asylum with some pretty girls that I can flirt with.
I like pretty girls.