Okay, since @I don't care posted her beautiful lyrics in her blog, I have to hold up my end of the deal and tell you about the Twilight fanfiction me and my best friend wrote a few years ago.
A girl called Mel Ann Choly lives with her father Brock Choly in a small town called Knifes. Her mother Phyll A. Delfia remarried and lives together with the gunslinger René Gade. Mel is deep and very sad and her eyes are tragically beautiful. Whenever she's especially sad she visits the zoo to feed the penguins with Kinder Pingui. Little does she know that these penguins aren't just regular penguins - they'e werepenguins. Every day they turn into humanoids. One of them is Roman Tic, her love interest with oily, shining astral body. He lives in his compound with his parents Ben Evolent and Emme Pathy who adopted him as a wee baby penguin, his brothers Hugh Jabs, who is very strong, and Al Loan, who is a loner, and his sisters Elle Gance, who's a pretty penguin with eyelashes, and Fortuna Teller who knows exactly when the feeding times are. Mel and Roman are star crossed lovers, they simply cannot be. Because beastiality is illegal. Mel's classmate, Fred Zone, is in love with her and very jealous of her destined penguin so he and his friend Barbara "Barbie" Gal make it their mission to make Roman's life hell. Roman becomes fed up with his life and decides to end his life by stealing the infamous Emperor Penguins' (Agatha Power, Mel Efficient and Arro Gance) snacks.
That's not the complete fanfiction but a rough draft of the plot. We did this years ago and it's actually funnier than I make it sound. It got lost on someone's drive years ago and the only thing I had was the names and the .. well, rough plot. I regret telling @I don't care about it in a moment of weakness, I should have known better. Of course she would use it against me.
Fuck you Agnes.
You killed Mufasa and my street cred. RIP in peace.