There are things we don't like about the people we love, things we have always known. Things that aren't on the forefront and therefore, we can pretend that they're not an issue when in fact, they're pretty big issues. I love my father. He is amazing, he works so hard for me and my sister, and he's given up so much for us. There are things I hate about him.
Like how he said 'insane', made weird googly faces and laughed like it was a joke, like it was funny. Like how he refused to listen to me afterwards because I was being disrespectful to him and suddenly it's my fault that I am angry at him for basically making fun of me. He doesn't understand, of course. Every time I've tried to tell him it's been dismissed under my age, and I think he doesn't want to understand, because then it would mean I'm hurting. But I am hurting, and this doesn't help.
It's moments like these where I wonder, how would he differ if he could understand? Would he say these things if he knew his own daughter hallucinates sometimes? That she wants to cut her skin until there's no skin left, and sometimes she does? That she has panic attacks and bangs herself against the closet wall until she bruises? Would he still look in me in the eye and laugh?
There are things I hate about the people I love, and my father's inability to listen is one of them.
Moods: crying and stressed because I have my pre calculus final tomorrow and this just happened