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Hmm....where to go from here...


Fuzz

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I wrote a blog back in Februrary where I talked about wishing I could just restart GDA & GDC from scratch. Get a complete do-over.

Here I am seven months later, thankfully haven't deleted everything, but wondering where things are going from here.

I can't shake this feeling like things aren't working out. I feel like the sites are stagnant, no doubt a reflection of my own leadership.

So I've been thinking "how do I fix things. Make them better" or more fundamentally important "how do I get that passion back I had for working here that I used to have freshman year of college ", when I spent 13 hours a day (at least) working on the sites. I could never get tired. I loved the challenge.

I think the biggest issue right now is that we have no competition. All other Green Day sites have pretty much fallen by the way-side, either totally forgotten or just a shell of what they used to be. In 2004 we had at least 3 competitors that I felt were constantly doing new and innovate things for the community - plus there was this rush to try and beat each other with news. Now we can have a story sit in the queue for 2 or 3 weeks before someone will finally be bored enough to write it up.

GDC has gotten too big - too many subforums, everything has a place and is immediately filed away there once its made, only to be seen by people who already regularly frequent those sections. In the early days of GDC we had less than 6 total forums. Everything was together, one big clusterfuck, but it worked somehow until I changed my mind and split it up. Now I'd like to put it back together but know how much bitching comes with any change. Not that it's a bad thing, it shows people really care about the community and that's a very welcome thing.

Like I said in my last blog

It kind of feels like I've squeezed the toothpaste out of the tube and now I'm trying to figure out how to put it all back in.

Fundamentally, the problem I have now that I didn't have back in 2004 is my own self. 9 years later, about 60 pounds heavier and having gone through depression, I'm hardly the same person I was then. In spirit yes, but that only comes in short bursts of motivation. I spend more time now thinking how much I'd like to change rather than doing anything about it. The same is true for GDA and GDC.

I guess ultimately I feel like I don't have the same support structure here on the team that I did back then. That's not a knock on the current team. I love all of them for helping out and volunteering their time. But I've all but crawled into an introverted shell and don't really like peeking out of it for anything these days. So I don't talk with the team like I used to, I avoid meet-ups and going out - it's the reason I didn't go to any Green Day shows this tour. As a result, people move on like one would expect them to. They find other ways to fill their time that doesn't involved communicating with me. In the old days we had a group AIM chat where we talked about everything. If I thought about doing something I'd often throw it to them and within a couple hours I'd have some feedback and I'd be working on something new. Now it takes days or weeks for me to come around to something. Bum can send me a message on Facebook to do something as simple deleting photos, which literally takes 2 minutes, and I'll take 4 or 5 days to reply or take care of it.

So I've been rather pensive about the sites recently. A large part of me really thinks it's time for me to go because I'm the bottleneck in progress, but I also don't want to leave. Mostly out of stubbornness. I feel I have something to prove to myself about leading the team and this site into something much more sustainable and enjoyable.

I have some ideas I want to see happen. I still have the goal of making the site totally sustainable only on merchandise sales.

I have ideas. I don't have the motivation to even think them all out completely. That's how shitty my mind is.

So now I think some more. Think about those goals, think about how to reach them, think about what changes need to be made (both personally and with the team), and then start following through on something. ANYTHING.

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I can so relate to your situation. I have so many things on my mind but I can't seem to execute them. I lack the motivation to do anything. I've been telling myself that I'd join the gym but I cannot put the effort in it. I want to write blogs regualrly, apply for SOTW, do some photography but all of that goes down the ditch cos I can't gather up the motivation. You're not alone, Andres.

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The Disappearing Boy

Posted

I can kind of see why you might think there is a bit of stagnation, but don't see it as a reflection of your bad leadership, see it as a reflection of the Green Day world as a whole, a world which itself has stagnated recently. The last year has been terrible for the band in many ways. Not least of all they haven't won many new fans. In five years time, I guarantee that there will be few 'Trilogy era fans', unlike 'AI era fans' or 'Breakdown era fans', of which there are many. This has a knock-on affect on sites like this. Back in 2004 every man and his dog loved Green Day, which meant that the online Green Day fan community was buzzing. That would have lead to competition between sites and (I presume) lead to an increased membership on here. The last year has seen none of that for Green Day. It'll pick up.

Whether or not you stick around is up to you. I for one, hope you do :)

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Don't really have much to say aside from you can do what you want and I'm sure either way people will support you, Andres. Whether it be people like me, who barely know you aside from that guy behind the Green Day site they like, or your friends whom you've made because of this wonderful place.

That being said, I'd be sad to see you go because you seem like a genuine right on dude. I don't think you're bled dry yet or anything but everything has an end. You are your maker.

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The Grouch is Tracy

Posted

All of the above, and again, a big thank- you for all the work you do! This site feels like my saving grace some days...

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MaraGreenDay

Posted

I really hope you think in something good for yourself, but i'm gonna be honest and say that this place it's not gonna be the same without you, you rule this place like no one can, so i hope you can have your plans outside this GDC/GDA "life" but i really really hope that you don't go, we love you so much here, and we're gonna miss sooo much if you leave, so i'm sending lots of love and hugs for you hoping everything gets better for you!!! Saludos!

:hug:

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GreenRanger

Posted

You bring up an interesting conundrum here (you always do). The "I'm not sure if I want to do it anymore but who else would if I don't?" kind of thing, really tricky. If you leave something you care and/or cared about in uncapable hands, you're going to worry about it, right? Like how can I leave this all behind when I used to love it so much? Furthermore, it's not as though you've run it into the ground either, your leadership is still functioning and fairly well-liked. GDC and GDA work well and are surprisingly lacking in some of the worst parts of its kind. It's hard to improve on something like that, especially at a time like this where there's relatively little going on with the topic the site and forum are based around. But maybe that's just it, GDC is a bit boring because it as a thing is stagnant, not in a bad way, in a very rare and good way. Maybe that zeal is indeed to be found away from here in a place that needs to be built up.

Of course, that doesn't sound like you're issue. It runs deeper than boredom, I can tell. Maybe this is weird because I'm younger and I don't know you like it might sound like I pretend to, but I do know what it feels like when there's this invisible wall holding you back from doing things you want to do. I want to write all the time, but I don't. I want to go out with friends but I can't convince them, and hell, I can barely get them (or anyone) to listen to me half the time. I get great ideas that I half-plan out and then never act on, letting them die on the vine. It's frustrating more than a single word can say, and every day I think that some kind of fate is going to throw a rock at me and suddenly I'll start changing things. It's been years and I'm still waiting for that rock.

The great thing about you though is that you DO have people, and that's a great resource to have. I remember when I first started watching a Lets Player named NintendoCapriSun, I found out that he used to smoke and, on his vlog channel, quit. He failed. But then later on he tried again and he was able to. I think it was because he figured out that there were people out there cheering him on in the things he wanted to do for himself. Over a year ago, he determined to lose weight, and alas, his viewers watched his vlogs that showed his weigh-ins every so often. The man did it, and it was quite inspiring to watch...moreso than with a celebrity because this was a 37 year old man who played games on the internet...but furthermore he was a real person who you could easily go up to and meet. You're kind of the same way I think. This blog is a fantastic tool for something like. People care about your thoughts, and they'll listen and cheer you on, blindly if need be. Try posting your ideas on here once in a while and place them within the context of your life. Someone shouting something random and completely off beat might help you jump the hurdle that blocks you from taking the idea further.

but that's just me exaggerating on what I thought was a good thought. I might be way off base. Either way, luck to you, and do what you think is right. ...But if you don't know what's right, just ask.

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The whole team is fired. All members are banned. Because the whole team has been reduced to members, the whole team is banned. Dai will then raise an army of vampires to run and populate the site. Green Vampire Community, anyone?

If it makes you feel any better, you'd be one of the last ones to get fired.

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If it makes you feel any better, you'd be one of the last ones to get fired.

I can only imagine who the first would be :(

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Jon Herroon

Posted

I can only imagine who the first would be :(

They'd make Ceadog a mod and fire him first.

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AlissaGoesRAWR

Posted

Don't really have much to say aside from you can do what you want and I'm sure either way people will support you, Andres. Whether it be people like me, who barely know you aside from that guy behind the Green Day site they like, or your friends whom you've made because of this wonderful place.

That being said, I'd be sad to see you go because you seem like a genuine right on dude. I don't think you're bled dry yet or anything but everything has an end. You are your maker.

Basically what he said. :)

Only you know what's best for you, Andres, even if you don't realize what exactly that is yet. But either way, thank you for all that you do! I'm very grateful for this site and I know many others are as well. We'll support you no matter what you decide.

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I can only imagine who the first would be :(

I have an idea of why you seem to think I despise you, but I assure you that is not the case. Several times I've seen you make comments creating some kind of antagonism between us that is simply not there.

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I have an idea of why you seem to think I despise you, but I assure you that is not the case. Several times I've seen you make comments creating some kind of antagonism between us that is simply not there.

This is one of the reasons I have a problem when mods are using expletives in general. I probably thought Liam hated me at some point, so it goes both ways. We should all just...learn how to communicate. :)

Unrelated to your argument, just throwing it in.

____________________________________________________

Now for the actual topic.

Andres, I hope you'll find some comfort in these words, despite the fact that you think I'm an arrogant -insert expletive here - ...that's just the way I'm talking. To myself as well. It helps. And yes, when we're struggling with depression, telling ourselves the truth helps, a lot. Might hit a lot and hurt a lot at first, but as Kafka said, we need to read books that wound us and stab us. :)

1. Everything Marilyn said.

2. One SUPER important thing I learnt a couple of years ago, when my anxiety got horrible and when people started asking me if I'm for or against John, was to SEPARATE MYSELF FROM MY WEBSITE. Invisible Movement is Invisible Movement. Iva is Iva. Iva is not Invisible Movement. Invisible Movement is not Iva. No reference to the site on my social profiles most of the time, no private stuff in places where people who could be jealous of me just because they hate any type of authority. No references to the site in my usernames. Filtering out people who can really be friends and people who just wanted to talk about the site subject. And so on.

Forum mods are not mine, they're forums'.

Contributors are not mine, they're site's.

...

3. Whenever approaching everything and everybody, always, always try to be as kind as you could possibly be. Instead of liking, always say something. That's what I actually recommend everybody on social networks, but if one's a community leader, it creates an additional, incredible feeling of well-being.

4. When money, in any way, is a goal, it can become...less motivating.

5. With all of the above, you'll be able to come up with a solution that benefits both your well-being and the giant community created here.

And then there's that one thing you have that some of us never had: recognition. More than just a silent approval. And heads-up. Don't throw it away.

Also, I'm going through a similar period right now - for different reasons - and I think I regret the fact that I-M doesn't have other staff, so...you're not alone. And that's something to cherish.

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Thank you all for the replies and the feedback. A lot of very insightful and meaningful replies, and I really do appreciate it. After a couple days I'm starting to feel a bit better. I started by wiping out my to-do list and now focusing on doing the things I absolutely must (ship merch orders). Hoping that a clean slate will be a good place to start.

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The reason we don't want you to leave GDC is because you are like the president of the Green Day fans almost the God, GDC wouldn't be as great as it is if Andres isn't here

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