I've started writing again lately. Not as much, and maybe not as well . but I've decided to get this blog started up again. Apologies if they're not very good. And feel free to go through some of my older stuff, if you've never read my work before.
I hope you enjoy all future posts!!
I didn't intend on invisibility
But that's how I feel when you look at me
I've gone back to the co
I'm sorry I let you down
By simply being around
If I could disappear
I'd be long gone,
But I don't know how to walk
All I've ever done is run
From your confrontation
From your criticism.
If this is how you treat the ones you love
I'd hate to be your enemy
The paradox and my misery
Is that you don't know I am already.
You want to have me in your debt
But my strength is to forget
All that you've ever said
I'd carry your cross to the ends of the world
Hoping my bandages and shackle
Aren't we falling apart
The same pain, different scars
You inflict wounds to easy the pain
But there's no tangible gain
You've been working so long
To feel the slightest bit better,
You've been telling yourself you're strong
But you honestly know better.
How strong could you be
When you think your worst enemy is 'me'.
Your tear stained face
Hosts the brightest smile,
In hope that they won't ask
Whether you've been crying.
You hide it extremely well
When asked how you are
It would be easy to forget
If I hadn't seen magic
In every step you ever took
As you walked away,
Where you'd forever stay.
I don't see the point in loving
If I'll never love you again.
I won't want to start again
Knowing this is how it ends.
But I'd like to see this
Take a different course
Keeping in mind what I know,
Would I not have fallen
Would this not have crashed
I know I would have broken,
My heart would be smashed,
No matter what happened
Because you'd never love
You hardly realise
How you make me feel
When you only pay heed
To my flaws, my mistakes
My inability to win this race.
My lack of positivity
Routed in your face.
I'm not one to embrace
All of my flaws,
I'd rather hide.
Behind my twisted way
Of saving my pride.
The feeling inside
Would only diminish
Until there's nothing left
For you to finish.
Your words are like knives
And I've been cut too many times
To ever go down that road again.
I've learnt to hide.
Could someone come up with a reason
For this pointless passive aggression
I'd trade the heart on my sleeve
For an iron fist
For resistance to what is 'right'
For the ability to create distance.
Nothing presents itself as worth it,
Yet we have so much to lose.
We act like we have no choice
But this is the life you choose.
You are the mirror I stare into
The illusion that reminds me
How distorted I can be.
Your 'wise words' ,
Empty resonance to my ears.
It's easier for me to disapp
Disappointment is what I've come to know
Until it's a feeling I refuse to show
The look on your face,
Perpetually telling me I'm a disgrace
The feeling I get when you turn away
Isn't unique, it's merely routine
To see you give up on me
As I give up on myself
To see you wonder why you tried
While I wonder, myself.
I count the tears, because pain's so reliable
It's emotionally oblivion when love isn't vital.
It's all the memories that truly destroy me
Back when I used to believe
There's chaos in the corners of our minds
And we've been taught to never stop looking,
For what we could never find.
You hold my heart in your dirty hands
I told you to keep it safe
But I know you'll just burry it in the sand.
Let the waves wash over it
So it finally feels something
Illuminated by a candle, never been lit.
I know you say things
Because the seem 'appropriate'
But I'm impossible to fascinate.
I'll pretend I'm happy
I always say what you want to hear
But I'll make sur
I'd cry in a strangers arms
Because you're never here
As good as a stranger
Is what you've become, dear.
I thought I was fine
Until not too long ago
When I realised how much
I truly didn't know.
I've broken my own heart
And I'm slightly ashamed
Because I've got no one
But myself to blame.
Intoxicated my emotions
That never really existed
How long could I have resisted.
There's so much one wants to believe
Out of which, little is true
This self loathing isn't worth it
When I k
Someone teach me to look up
Because I've never felt so low
At the bottom of an abyss, nowhere to go
This secret hopelessness, no one will know
Because I smile like I've never been happier before
I'll tell you I'm okay
Because questions just get in the way
I'll pretend it's under control
Like my soul hasn't been sold
Like my heart isnt in the wrong hands
You'll watch as I disappear
Wishing you were me
But there's a life behind the mask
Tears you'll never see
It's dark inside, the li
I hate myself more than anyone else
I'm drowning in a pool of tears and blood
But I refuse to call for help
Torn between who I am
And who I'm supposed to be
The same blunt blade,
Back and forth, again and again
Penetrating my skin, to my bones
In a twisted way, that's my home
These flames do, in fact, stop me
I am, truly, careless, not carefree
I've reached a point
I don't know what I'd be
Without my darkened wings of misery.
No reason to smile, is my reason in life
I love you when you walk away
Because I know you won't stay.
I don't know what I'm fighting for
Or why I fight at all.
All I know is, when I look at you
I've never felt so small.
You've got a hold on my heart
Squeezing it tighter
Until I know I can't take it much longer.
There's no way to break free
From the most beautiful form of misery.
There's no way to forget
The memories I still long to create.
I'm in a prison, I've constructed
And it's impossible to escape.
I've tried calli
Someone take her home
Because she's never felt more alone
Suffocating in a crowded room
Hoping for it to end soon
She's decorating the gallows
With petals from the red roses
Her lover gave her, with their first kiss
Her nimble fingers
Prepare the noose
She feels so free
With nothing to lose
They tell her to hold on
But her bleeding hands
Have nothing to hold on to
She looks into his eyes
For the last time, tonight
Seeing everything she loves
Drift into oblivion
He whispers wor
I need to know there's someone out there
Who feels the same,
Equally broken, with no one to blame.
I'm sick of waiting and watching
Everything I believe in
Go up in flames.
All I've ever done is pretend
That the constant misery will end
Covering my eyes, with your 'advice'
There's nothing left to fend for
When you're broken beyond repair
Feeling like you have no where to go
But there's nothing you want more
Than you see the tears dry
And the frown fade away from you pale face
In a room full of emptiness
There's not much to see
Except the memory
Of what might be.
A life based on fantasy
The distance from reality
Is too great to phantom
By merely sympathising with me.
You wouldn't know
What it's like
To live constantly, aimlessly
Envisioning a prize.
You don't know what
It's like to be told
To carry on, to hold
On to the dreams.
Dreams have no meaning
Nightmares aren't worth seeing
Imagination is crumbling
Under the pressure of being.
Grab me by my heart
Or drag me by my neck
I know, that to you
I'll never be the best
Oh, how I love you,
You'll never know
I can't stand myself
Deep within my bones
Before you strangle me
Just to feel like
I freed myself from misery
I'm screaming words
Inspired by pain
Do you even know
What they mean?
I'm cursing myself
In the pouring rain
But I avoid making a scene
We wouldn't want you
To think little of me
But I doubt your
Opinion could worsen
I'm sick of having to listen
To you share your 'wisdom'
And being the one who
Stands down and obeys you
I'm sick of being forced to believe
You know anything but the obvious, about me
That you know what you're doing
When you tell me what's wrong with me.
I don't see anyone in a position to judge
My persistence to hold this grudge
I'll come around when I find a reason to forgive
When I open up and start to believe.
But nothing's given me a reason to forget the past
I'm starting to
Compared to shattered glass,
All signs of hope, in my past
As it gets hard to see through the tears
I expose my growing fears
I'll smile when I'm angry
So you'll never know
What's truly hurting me
Deep within my bones.
You'll never know the truth
Nor expose the lies
Hidden under the fake prise.
I'd like to see you give up on me
Like I've given up on myself
Then I'd really know
I don't need to live for anyone else.
For once I'd let my heart guide me
And wouldn't use my eyes to s
I wish I could pick you up off the ground
I wish I could heal your bleeding wounds
I wish your happiness, wouldn't disappear so soon.
I'm picking up the pieces again, again and again
The voice in my head, is my new best friend
It's nothing but a liar, but nothing sounds sweeter.
Cuts and bruises and burns
Time flies and she continues to yearn
For somewhere she could be herself.
And wouldn't have to answer to anyone else.
I've told you a thousand times before
That you don't have to do
Can you feel the darkness take over the light
Can you feel yourself lose every fight
Looking for someplace to be
Where you can be free from misery
But everyone can't be blessed with a life of glory.
I can see the tears run down your face
I know you'd like your memories replaced
With a better life in a safer world
With a sweeter melody, where your voice can be heard.
Everyone can see in your eyes
That you've been living a life of lies
I can see in your smile, that you're unhappy
You ignore the blood on my hands
As I hold on and try to scream for help
I'm all alone in your shallow mind
And my conscious gives me no place to hide
I've been sitting on a fence
And walking on a tightrope for far too long
All I want is to fall.
Experience life at the bottom
Six feet under until I'm forgotten
Swallowed by flames,
With no one to blame, but myself
For creating a life, close to hell.
Can you feel me shaking, in the dark
Can you see me dying to make a mark,
I know I'll never be good enough
But it's safe to say I've had enough
I'm sick of all the lies I've told
To make you feel like you'd have someone to hold
I'm sick of pretending I'm alright
When every day is a losing fight
I'm losing my mind,
Because it's filled with your thoughts
I'll never win, but I've never lost
I've always been in-between
Looking for a way out
Hell or heaven wouldn't accept me
Because they don't need someone to envy
My hard heart is made of gold
My justice has
I've got a room full of nothing
And a heart full of hate
A head full of confusion
And a soul relying on resentment.
How do you expect me to live
When I know you won't forgive
All my mistakes,
The moments I've been an emotional slave.
I can't expect much from you
When I know I don't deserve to
Have a place to run
Have someone to shelter me.
Dependent, is something I just can't be
Because I haven't found someone
Who's worth me putting my guards down,
And just being free.
I'd go crawling back to you
When it's the last thing I should do
Because I know I'd love you
When it's the stupidest thing to do.
I've seen my heart break a thousand times
And these tears have graced my face
For as long as you've had a place,
In my mind and in my heart.
And all I'd want to do is restart
Go through it all again
And re-create the memories
So they wouldn't be regrets,
Revise the lovely words
Only to call them lies.
Open up my heart again
Only to watch it die.
I'm trying not be sucked back into the abyss
But I'm far too enchanted by the devil's kiss
The charming voice saying unspeakable things
Exposing the lies of well loved kings
The misery feels like safety
That's all I really feel lately
When I can tell you lie
And in my heart I won't ever know why
Why no one truly seems to care
Why I'm not wanted anywhere
I'm nothing but your obstruction
On a futile mission towards self destruction
With the inability to succeed
At even the most