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Conversations/Things People Say


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#1
Radithor

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Some of the topics I'm missing from the old General chat are my Funny, Weird and Awkward conversations thread, as well as the Funny Things Your Parents Have Said thread. Created this one in place of those old threads. I'm not sure if this thread is 'worthy' of the new General Chat or not, so move it if needs be.

This conversation just happened, hence my urge to make this thread.

Roomate's Mum: *has a Magnum ice cream*
Roomate: Where's my Magnum?
Roomate's Mum: It's my Valentine's Day Magnum! You don't get one.
Roomate: Fair enough. ROSE! Get me a Valentine's Day Magnum!
Me: You're not my Valentine!
Roomate: Aww.
Roomate's Stepdad: You'll have to chop your penis off first, mate.
Roomate: For a Magnum? Maybe.
Me: Well if you're going to chop it off, by all means, I'll get you a Magnum.
Roomate: It had better be a bloody big Magnum.
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#2
Emilie.

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Oh, this was one of my favourite threads from Old General.

This one wasn't funny, but extremely awkward. My Grandma was chatting to the guy at the counter of the smoke shop, whose neck happened to be a little crooked, so his head was on an angle.
Grandma: Did you sleep wrong (laughs)
Guy: No, I have cancer :ermm:

And this one happened in Japanese
Kid trying to say chicken in Japanese: Chi-Kan
(All the Japanese exchange students laugh)
Teacher: You have to be careful. Say Chi-Kin. Chi-Kan means pervert.
So then everyone was calling people a Chi-Kan.
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#3
Silverlight

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I love threads like these :lol:
The other night I was arguing with my mum about who's better, Mikey or Gerard Way, and then I yelled out 'Billie' and she was like, "Oh yeah, he was good last night. And so was Mike". I worked out that she was talking about her dream O.o /awkward
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#4
Maria Gloria

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Oh man I know I've had loads of embarrassing/funny conversations lately, but I can't think of any... I've got a notebook that says "legendary quotes" on it, I guess I'll look in there :lol:

I suppose this one was mildly funny:

Friend: do you cross the road in England?
Me: erm... what?
Friend: you know, do you cross the road?
Me: no, we don't. We have a big flying teapot that takes us over, or we go on the underground underneath the road. We also have a portable fish & chip shop that takes us over. We never cross it.

I still have no idea why he asked me that.
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#5
Juliette

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everything i say to one of my flatmates at the moment just sounds wrong. like we were going to watch a film and the conversation went a bit like
me: where d'you wanna do it then?
her: :eyebrows:
me: you know what i mean
her: bed?
me: yours or mine?
her: yours ;)
me: ok, get in my bed, i'm just going to get things ready

literally every conversation we have at the moment turns into something like this :rolleyes:
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#6
Broken_Tune

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on Friday my friends and i started talking about McDonalds and one of them said that the McGangBang was one of her favourite sandwiches. its a McChicken sandwich inside of a McDouble. then another friend started going on about chickens and cows doing it with eachother :P for skeptics like me who don't believe that the McGangBang exists: http://www.eatmedail...e-cheeseburger/

#7
Zack.

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.


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#8
Lindsay

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*Context: my dad is eating a burger*

Dad: Damn, this thing is huge! I don't know how I'm going to get my mouth around it.
Me: THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!
Dad: What...?
Me: Uh... nevermind... :unsure:
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#9
ifmemoryserves

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Context: Dianna Agron (who plays Quinn Fabray on Glee) has been doing some meet and greets as promotion for her new movie I Am Number Four.

Posted Image

#10
Monica.

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ahaha well, this actually happened this morning at Tech Center between my teacher and my friend Alex.

Mr. King- Domestic Violence is an act that occurs every minute, it's happening right now as we speak...it could be very hard on someone!
Alex- that's what she said
Mr. King- ohhh god...*throws paper at Alex* you guys are so gross,...wonder why my wife calls me that! *laughing*
Alex- that you're hard?
Mr. King- what?! ahahahhahaha
priceless. i love my criminal justice class! :)

#11
ParadoxAndPlaid

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While eating at a restaurant called 'Los Portales' in my town.

Friend: So what the does "Queso Blanko" mean anyway?
Me: White... cheese.....You took Spanish 1 with me, colors and food are the first things you learned!
Waiter: Fracasó la clase? (probably wrote this wrong, sorry I understand spoken word better than I write and speak; he asked if she failed.)
Me: Probably!
Friend: What...what? WHAT? Whats that mean?
Waiter: -walks away laughing-


Oh and in my film class talking about story lines

Professor: It's important to remember that once you reach the climax, end it quickly before things get boring...kinda like sex.
Only three people laughed. Him included.
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#12
Arabella.

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Me: But aren't thongs uncomfortable to wear?
My Friend (Danielle): No. And when you wear them when it's cold outside, your butt gets cold, and you can shake it to warm it up. : D
-
Mary: Wouldn't flying underwater be swimming?
Mary: And LOL I bet he added make up to his penis or something to make it look big.
Danielle: swimming isn't as cool though...
Danielle: UH YOU KNOW YOU WANTED TO SEE IT.
Mary: Oh yes, lemme tell you. I just relish the idea of looking at a 7th graders penis. Ooh, I'm getting an orgasm just thinking about it.... -_-

lol.

#13
Kayfabe

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just now my friend tried to tweet about how long the line was next to a flower stall for valentine's day. she wrote 'the que outside' and it was funny to me because que in portuguese and spanish means what. and i tweeted her 'the what next to the flower stall you say?' :lol:

#14
Harriet

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One of my music teachers is entirely innappropriate sometimes. Every day one of the other teachers brings him muffins and he makes muff jokes...and the other day, for some reason, I overheard him say "my sex is so good, even the neighbours need a cigarette." I was like :blink:
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#15
Rosie May

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This a girl in my class in college that says very strange things sometimes and it's hard to know how to react. She was on the phone one day and then she hung up and said to me, completely serious: My Dad fell into a wheelie bin. :huh:

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#16
bat-chen

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Me and my friend always have Awkward moments where we work and alot of 'that what she said' talks.

we talked about open bottle of wine:
She: "I can't stuck it in"
Me: "I can stuck it in but I can't pull it out"
both: "that what she said"

Awkward moment:
One of the manager we call him 'The Nazi' or 'Adolf' (we have a black humor) and one day we imitate him with the Nazi walk and in the same time a group of Germany enter the resturant. another friend who saw that laughed so much that she spilled her coffee from her mouth. :lol: :lol:
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#17
Emilie.

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My friend has a white horse called Snowy, and she's so proud of it, that and her snake are practically her entire life right now. So everyone she meets she tells them that on the weekends she rides a white horse and then brags about how big her 'little friend' the snake is getting.
We had to explain to her that some people hear those comments in a different way :whistle
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#18
Harriet

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Me and my friend were just messing around in our lesson and I trying to get him to put something somewhere, I can't remember what.

Me: "Put it in!"
Teacher in other room: "I bet she says that to all the boys..."

She said it under her breath but the other 4 people in the room heard :rolleyes:
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#19
Silverlight

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My teachers say crazy things:
Italian teacher: Sex on the brain!
----------
Music teacher: Oh, just go to sleep!
Apple (student): B-b-but-
Music teacher: just go to sleep!

#20
Comedy & Tragedy

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OK, my friends does this thing, where he turns everything into an insult (annoying, yes.) So, if I say something about some object, he will immediately replace the object with whoever he is talking to.
(example: Me: Wow, that tree is really messed up.
Friend: You're really messed up.)

One day, I was talking to him about our homework.
Me: So yeah, don't worry about question 3, it takes 5 seconds to do.
Friend: You take five seconds to do.... WAITASECOND nevermind. :pinch: :lol:
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#21
Sarabeth

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My mom was standing in the kitchen licking the icing off a cupcake as she was saying:
"Sarabeth, Im fat. I need to get healthy."
and I replied:
"Put the cupcake down. Step away from the cupcake. Put your hands where I can see them"
lol :lol:

#22
Emilie.

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My Mum posted a message on My Uncle's page saying

"Johnny!!! I need a weeee!!!!!!"

I wonder if she knows the difference between a wall post and a PM?

#23
Ellenkc

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An American tourist being serious: There sure are a lot of athletes in Dublin.

:lol: Poor girl was clueless.

#24
FinkaliciousBillie(:

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Teacher: Like you could do a documentry about two little boys being shot down here recently.
Class: :blink: WHAT?!
Teacher: Mmm, i should have worded that better.

She was talking about a show called Two Little Boys that was being shot down here not long ago, we all thought she meant that two little boys had actually been shot. :lol:
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#25
Emilie.

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I have these amazing inside-joke conversations with my friend. Sort of double-meaning conversations. Like
"So, Emilie, what's your favourite type of shoe?"
"Oh, I love strap-ons!"
"Well, I prefer slip-ons myself, except they always fall off at the most inconvenient times!"

So he came up to me today and said
"How are the strap-ons going?'
Me: "My good strap-ons broke! I've been using my old slip-ons and a pair of lace-ups."
Him: "Oh, well why don't you sew straps onto the slip-ons? Have a slip 'n' strap!"

We laughed for ages.

#26
bollard_11

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American tourists walk up to my friend and say "Sorry can you tell me where the leprechauns are?" My friend points to a wood, and says "Go in there, do a headstand on the bridge, close your eyes and wish really hard then one will appear. But if you lose your balance a troll will appear and trust me you don't want that"

Sure enough off they went into the wood :lol:
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#27
BenDoverYourMom

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*
POPULAR

Context: Me and my friend Kyle play UNO with each other every day in Italian class.

Me: I can't wait to play with you next hour.
Kyle: Shut the fuck up.
Me: What, you don't like it when we play with each other?
Kyle: I mean it. :dry:
Me: You always beat me anyway. I don't see what the problem is... :unsure:
Kyle: :mad:
Me: What??
Kyle: You realize what that sounds like, right?
Me: What? All I said was that we play with each other and that you beat me most of the time. I honestly don't see what- ...oh. :mellow:

(Now I do that just to mess with him. :ninja: )
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#28
Vanessa

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I vote this into off-topic (or, Shenanigans I guess).

#29
mitzymoo

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Yesterday my boyfriend was around at my house, there was myself my boyfriend and my brother. My boyfriend was using my laptop and was on facebook. The conversation went something like this:

Boyfriend: *talking to me* I'm always poking you on facebook
Me: Dad never pokes me, I thought him how to poke me but he still wont poke me.
Brother and Boyfriend: *laughs*
Me: o.O..............OH *laughs*

#30
Sarabeth

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This is what my mom said to me today:

"When did Billie and Tre have sex? Was it before or after Billie was married? Did Billie feel conflicted? Did he just want to try them both out?"

I just looked at her and walked away. Lol. I have no idea how my mom heard about that!
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