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Jealousy Issues

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maryjanewhatsername

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I've been insecure before, nothing new. Usually my insecurity is my place in other people's lives rather than something physical/my appearance. I worry about annoying others, pushing them away, or being too clingy. Especially when it comes to my romantic relationships - I've been trying to work past it for years. So something happened recently and I need some advice about whether I'm A) being stupid/insecure and need to knock this shit off, or if B) I'm right in feeling insecure. Back story to this situation (for just the situation skip to the green) :

So my fiance was the manager for a (different than me) pizza place. Because of recent general management changes and decisions, Kenny has decided to leave to manage a restaurant for the company I work for (more money, less stress, less strict). Anyways, there's this girl who worked for him and she's about 16-years-old (Kenny is 21 turning 22 this year). She has a boyfriend but she's always talking to Kenny at work, texting him (work related, but things she obviously already knows) and calling him (work related, stupid shit). Well I've told Kenny I don't trust this girl, I think she likes him, and I think he needs to be more wary of her. She has a boyfriend but to me that doesn't deter people.

Here's the issue, back story over:

We went to his goodbye party for the crew to say goodbye to him, and she showed up in a skimpy skirt and kept staring at him and talking to him. When I caught her looking at him, she'd look away and look upset. I confronted Kenny about it and he laughed, assuring me he's mine. But, he also said "I just don't think she likes me, I don't think she's that kind of person". To me it felt like he was standing up for her instead of for me. Then I read the note she wrote him, which was a huge card in tiny writing. She said that his management was "better than anything she could have ever asked for". And she said that she couldn't even "begin to express how thankful" she was for "everything" he's done for her from the day he met her. ((To reduce my bias and to make this more fair for her, I'm including a quote without her name in the quote area below))

Quote

Kenny, as a crew we have been nothing short of absolutely spoiled. You have been such an amazing boss, and better than anything I could have ever asked for. You care for each and every one of your employees on a personal level, which comes so very rare for those often found in a manager position. You have been not only a mentor, a teacher, and an inspiration, but you've been one hell of a friend. I think I got way too lucky having you as my first boss, and part of me regrets it knowing that no other will be able to live up to the standards you've put in place. I've made friends and formed relationships that I never would have had the chance to develop if it wasn't for you. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for everything you've done for me from the day I met you, to now.  But I wish you the best of luck for you and your future, and I hope you don't forget about me, and your crew. I know I can't do for you what you've done for us, but from the bottom of my heart I thank you Kenny.

❤️ (Girl's name)

Is it just me or is this a little too clingy and too mushy to be saying to your boss?

Should I be jealous? Is he standing up for her? Or am I just crazy?  Someone please bring me back to earth.

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Shahd

Posted

Honestly I don't think I'm the right person to give you an advise, but I just wanted to let you know that I get where you're coming from, and I understand exactly how you feel. I might be as crazy as you or crazier when it comes to feeling this way :lol:

She might be a bit infatuated with him, but it's probably harmless. It seems like he has been very friendly with his employees and does not make them feel like he's their boss but their colleague, which explains why she wrote the things she did and why the note does not seem to be something you write for your boss.

How about the cards from other people? Did someone mention the same points that she did?

Also I don't think he's standing up for her, he is just trying to comfort you that there's nothing to worry about.

In any case if he left this job hopefully he will never have to deal with her again, and you won't have to worry about it anymore.

 

 

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maryjanewhatsername

Posted

5 hours ago, Shahd said:

Honestly I don't think I'm the right person to give you an advise, but I just wanted to let you know that I get where you're coming from, and I understand exactly how you feel. I might be as crazy as you or crazier when it comes to feeling this way :lol:

She might be a bit infatuated with him, but it's probably harmless. It seems like he has been very friendly with his employees and does not make them feel like he's their boss but their colleague, which explains why she wrote the things she did and why the note does not seem to be something you write for your boss.

How about the cards from other people? Did someone mention the same points that she did?

Also I don't think he's standing up for her, he is just trying to comfort you that there's nothing to worry about.

In any case if he left this job hopefully he will never have to deal with her again, and you won't have to worry about it anymore.

 

 

None of his other employees wrote him any cards. Thanks for your input, I'm just crazy jealous about it and he seems sick of talking about it!

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Adorkable

Posted

I have some questions. If you get this upset over the little things, what will your reaction be when it is something serious? And something serious happens in every relationship. Jealousy is one of the the, if not the most dangerous feeling in a relationship. My question is this, if you are this jealous, how much do you really trust him? Also, if you really think that he would be interested in a 16 year old (16 will get you 20) is he really the person you thought he was? I have been married for 23 years and with my husband for 28. We have had some knock down, drag out fights but I have never, in the 28 years that I have known him been jealous. I have been there when women came on to him, I have been there when men came onto him but I always knew how he felt about me and I trusted his feelings and his judgement.

I don't know alot about your fiancee but you have said things before that makes me think he is trustworthy. Why would you question it now? 

 

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maryjanewhatsername

Posted

9 hours ago, Adorkable said:

I have some questions. If you get this upset over the little things, what will your reaction be when it is something serious? And something serious happens in every relationship. Jealousy is one of the the, if not the most dangerous feeling in a relationship. My question is this, if you are this jealous, how much do you really trust him? Also, if you really think that he would be interested in a 16 year old (16 will get you 20) is he really the person you thought he was? I have been married for 23 years and with my husband for 28. We have had some knock down, drag out fights but I have never, in the 28 years that I have known him been jealous. I have been there when women came on to him, I have been there when men came onto him but I always knew how he felt about me and I trusted his feelings and his judgement.

I don't know alot about your fiancee but you have said things before that makes me think he is trustworthy. Why would you question it now? 

 

I trust him deeply, I just don't trust her is the thing. And I've had such deep rooted abandonment issues for so very long. But this puts it into a better perspective for me, so thank you for writing this ❤️ this makes me feel better that it is all in my head and I just need to relax a little ❤️ 

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The Bellie

Posted

I think even if she perhaps likes him personally, and is helpless about it to the point she's come to write this card and often wants to talk with him etc, it doesn't mean at all your fiancee will feel anything in the same vein in return, it just seems to be cordiality on his part, and he probably just lets her express her attachment by kindness, because it had stayed in a professional context. If she has shown to be a little be embarrassed in your presence, I think it's good in the way that she has enough self-conscious about it and probably doesn't want her feelings to interfere with your couple. Maybe, if you feel to do so, could you even try to ask her, softly, about it, and tell her how you feel (without intending to dict her how she should behave). You never know, you might just both come out of it more relaxed not to keep it a non-verbal defiance thing between you two :P

Moreover, I think it's normal you don't like when another girl approaches your fiancee like that, and it's good to have opened about it to him, but with his reply, there's nothing you should worry about, he continues to talk with her precisely because there's no feelings involved on his part and therefore to him it doesn't have anything to do with your couple. If he's trustworthy, you may continue to dislike this girl or other people that will approach him in the future, and it's your right, but he has the right to have exchanges with people, and even to have female friends and laugh with them for instance, and it doesn't mean your relationship is in questioning. 

I have been in the other position when my ex had a hard time accepting that I would show to like, even if it was only physical and superficial, another guy from time to time, while it was perfectly harmless that I would regarding our relationship. His reaction wasn't harmless for it, though! You still need to be free inside your couple.

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maryjanewhatsername

Posted

9 hours ago, The Bellie said:

I think even if she perhaps likes him personally, and is helpless about it to the point she's come to write this card and often wants to talk with him etc, it doesn't mean at all your fiancee will feel anything in the same vein in return, it just seems to be cordiality on his part, and he probably just lets her express her attachment by kindness, because it had stayed in a professional context. If she has shown to be a little be embarrassed in your presence, I think it's good in the way that she has enough self-conscious about it and probably doesn't want her feelings to interfere with your couple. Maybe, if you feel to do so, could you even try to ask her, softly, about it, and tell her how you feel (without intending to dict her how she should behave). You never know, you might just both come out of it more relaxed not to keep it a non-verbal defiance thing between you two :P

Moreover, I think it's normal you don't like when another girl approaches your fiancee like that, and it's good to have opened about it to him, but with his reply, there's nothing you should worry about, he continues to talk with her precisely because there's no feelings involved on his part and therefore to him it doesn't have anything to do with your couple. If he's trustworthy, you may continue to dislike this girl or other people that will approach him in the future, and it's your right, but he has the right to have exchanges with people, and even to have female friends and laugh with them for instance, and it doesn't mean your relationship is in questioning. 

I have been in the other position when my ex had a hard time accepting that I would show to like, even if it was only physical and superficial, another guy from time to time, while it was perfectly harmless that I would regarding our relationship. His reaction wasn't harmless for it, though! You still need to be free inside your couple.

Thank you, I really appreciate this. :wub:

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Private Snowball (Blayr)

Posted

I agree with the people above, it seems harmless, he's just being kind to her and since he switched jobs, he probably won't see her much anyway. I know how you feel though, I have jealousy problems too. 😬

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