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Relationship Help

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maryjanewhatsername

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HELP MEEEEE

I feel like this post is too long for the relationships thread so seems like a better place to chuck it in the blog. 

My boyfriend/damn near fiance and I have been together for 3 years. BEST three years of my life. He treats me like a princess, he's kind to me, we hardly argue, and he's a sexy beast. All around, we are a perfect fit and I'm madly in love with him. I bug him about getting married all the time! We talk about the future, kids, all that stuff. 

But... I still find myself occasionally seeing an attractive man (or woman, I swing both ways) and I think "damn he/she is hot" and then I feel incredibly guilty for it. I almost feel like I'm cheating for thinking these things. My boyfriend says it's normal, but I still beat myself up about it. 

Please help... Is it normal to feel this way? Is it normal to notice attractive people and to not want anything to do with them, just noticing they are attractive? 

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Trotsky

Posted

We humans have evolved for hundreds of millions of years, and underneath our big, smart human brains we still have a reptilian brain. If someone insults you or bumps into you without apologizing, the reptilian brain says "let's kill this motherfucker!" When you got more food in front of you than you need, the reptilian brain says "Eat it all!". And when you see an attractive person, the repitilian brain says "It's fuck time!"  But you are no more likely to cheat on your boyfriend with the person on the bus that you think is hot then you are to murder the person on the bus who has infringed on your personal space, because you have a primate brain that lets you control yourself and make decisions.

We all have a reptilian brain. Freud called it the "id." The id is pure indulgence without a shred of conscience, it doesn't second guess itself or feel bad because the id concerns itself with your survival. Eat, mate, and kill your enemies. That's its job. But you also have a superego, the part of your brain that suppresses impulsive desires, and the ego which balances your id and superego. Don't concern yourself with fleeting thoughts and desires, we all have them. Some people with OCD even suffer intrusive thoughts about things like killing their families, but they would never actually do it, they're no more dangerous than anyone else cause these are just thoughts.

You can't control what you think of, you can control what you do though, and it sounds like you're having no problem with that part, so you're good. It's totally normal. 

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Tre's Busted Drumkit

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Be careful with those fairytale romances. Sometimes a total lack of argument just means that someone's stopped caring.

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