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Advice About Exes and Past Relationships

maryjanewhatsername

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**PERSONAL AND GUSHY ADVICEY POST**

Okay, so in my short 20 years of life I have had my fair share of relationships. Most of them short-lived and uneventful, as most high school relationships go. But, that doesn't mean that relationships (high school or not) don't hurt when they end. 

I've kind of taught myself little things that help me when relationships go sour (even platonic or familial relationships!) so I don't completely break down or lose myself. 

This Person Doesn't Owe Me Anything 

A real problem with ending relationships is feeling the desperate need to have that person in your life still and feeling dictated by it. I always tell myself, if this person doesn't owe me money or something of that sort, they don't owe me anything and therefore have no purpose in being in my life. Helps me move on real quick. (got this little tip from @stephaniebrite on Instagram.)

Just Because This Person Is No Longer in My Life, It Doesn't Mean I am Unlovable 

One of my biggest failings as an individual is placing my self worth and my personal definition of myself in the hands of others. When someone rejects me or pushes me aside, it can have a huge impact on my self esteem. That's when I remind myself that one person's opinion of me is not the true definition of who I am. Their disinterest in me does not make me less valuable, less special, or less loved. I think this is something crucial to remind yourself when going through a rough breakup. 

All Things Happen For a Reason

Yes, this is cliche as all get out. But it is true! Whether you believe in fate or not, logic dictates all actions and decisions are made with some sort of reasoning. If a relationship ends, it simply means that you and that person are just not meant to mingle. Sometimes letting go is a good thing! 

I Can Be Me Without Them

In life there will always be at least ONE relationship - romantic or otherwise - that's end will bring you to your knees and question even life itself. That is when it is crucial to surround yourself with a supportive network of people in your life - family, friends, therapists, doctors, coworkers, etc. It's also a great time to reflect on your life, before and after this person was in it. You were you at one point before them, right? Well, you're still you! This really helped me when my dad abandoned me. It helped me remind myself that being fatherless didn't mean I was helpless. 

I Can Still Love Them and Not Live With Them 

My mom's best friend married and divorced the same man 3 different times. I asked my mom why she kept marrying him and my mom told me this amazing tidbit of advice that has stuck with me: "Sometimes you can love someone with all your heart, but you just can't live with them." That has stuck with me. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean the love or feelings disappear, it just means you understand them and yourself better. 

I hope some of this helps someone, it also helps get these things off my chest! 

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