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Being Yourself

maryjanewhatsername

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So this is kind of a deep topic as well as kind of basic/mushy gushy. But when I was younger I really had a hard time being myself because I just worried so much about what other people thought. I let it dictate my personality, my likes/dislikes, beliefs, friendships, literally everything. It got to a really critical point when I was about 13 because I was so manic-depressive and suicidal and I just felt like everything I did and everything I said was going to get me made fun of and I would just feel more alone. 

I went into therapy and my therapist told me that part of being yourself was accepting that being yourself and being 100% true to you is a lonely and terrifying thing. You are the only you that there is. And being yourself is not something friends can help you with, and it's not going with the flow. Being yourself is hard, lonely, and scary - and it hurts at times. And I told my therapist that it was so hard for me because I cared what other people thought. I asked her what I could do about that and she told me the most sage advice that I have lived by since. She said:

"You will always care. It will always hurt. What matters is how you deal with it and if you're going to let it dictate your life."

WHEN SHE SAID THAT I LITERALLY HAD AN EPIPHANY, A CRISIS, A MIND-FUCKING ON AN ASTRONOMICAL SCALE. I WAS SHOOK. 

So, since then, everytime someone decides to be an absolute chode, I remind myself that what they say does hurt. But what I say to myself is what matters most. 

I hope this helps anyone who needs it. 



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