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New update on my dad and it's very complicated

JardyOfSuburbia

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Hey, everyone. Here's the latest with my dad and it's a very, very complicated situation.

My dad's cancer is just in the lymph nodes in his neck. He will be having surgery at the Cleveland Clinic Monday morning and the hope is to remove all of the cancer through surgery.

However, here's where our lives get really fucked up.

The latest biopsy confirmed that my dad's cancer was caused by HPV to which my dad dropped the bombshell on our family by confessing that he had an affair 17 years ago. My parents have been married for 37 years and this has absolutely destroyed my mother. She kicked him out of the house for the time being and he's currently staying with my sister. My mom might not even go to his surgery.

I don't even know how to process this. In the brink of having a major surgery done and all the rallying and supporting we've given him this has taken the wind out of my sails. I'm furious at him and told him so. I had to go home Monday night when the news broke and try and console my mother which was an impossible task. I've never heard her cry like that. I had no answers or words of comfort. It was the worst night of my life.

Everything I based off of marriage and love was based on my parents relationship and now that's shattered.

But, he's still my father. He's having a major surgery done Monday and I guess I have to get back in his corner for the time being and then he has some questions to answer when he's healthy.

I just...this is the worst fucking situation any of us could be in and I feel so, so bad for my mom. She's the nicest person out there and my father was the world to her. Now, my mom is just a mess and it's heartbreaking. Seeing my mom take their wedding photo off the wall will always be cemented in my brain.

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and prayers through all of this. We could all obviously still use them (for various reasons now), but in no way do I want my dad to die or anything like that Monday. This is just a very trying time on all of us and I needed a place to express my thoughts.

As always, Rage and Love to my Green Day Family.



9 Comments


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The Great Saiyaman

Posted

Stay strong, man. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now. I hope everything goes well with you. :hug:

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Jane Lannister

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Stay strong, everybody. I hope everything goes well you find a way to overcome the hardships 

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Second favourite son

Posted

First and foremost, best of luck to your dad with the surgery on Monday.  I hope it's successful and that he recovers well.  

Really sorry to hear about the extra trials this is putting your family through.  Nobody ever deserves to have to go through what your mum is now, it must be absolutely devastating for her, and a really difficult position for you and your sister.  Thinking of you guys, and hope that everything goes well, whatever happens.

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Wow. I'm so sorry for everyone in your family; I cannot even imagine the emotions you guys have right now, and how conflicted they must make you feel. But I think your attitude is good -- you recognize his mistake and his lies and want to hold him accountable, but you seem to realize that yeah, he's still your dad and that's still worth something to you, and that is your right as a son who holds great respect for what he did as a father. (With that said, I definitely do not blame your mom if she doesn't go to the surgery and if she doesn't take him back or forgive him -- he obviously felt that he could take her for granted 17 years ago, so maybe he needs to see what things are like without her.) I just hope that everyone respects and understands everyone's decisions and doesn't view everything as "taking sides" depending on how you, your parents and siblings react both in the short- and long-term. Every feeling you're all feeling is very valid, I'm sure.

Keep us updated on the surgery, and if you need to vent further, just send a message.

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AlissaGoesRAWR

Posted

Wow. That's so shocking, I really don't know what to say, except I'm really sorry and I hope things get better for you all. Damn. :( 

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lizziebix

Posted

Wow what a shocker.  But he needs you now as support through surgery. I'm sure he'll be glad you're around.  Keeping you all in my thoughts for a great outcome on Monday and thereafter. 

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herewegoagain

Posted

That's a pretty fucked up situation, I'm sorry. :(  Hope the surgery goes well, and that you can find a way through it all.

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21guns&novacaine

Posted

I'm sorry to hear about that. That is never an easy thing to hear, especially not on top of the stress of everything else. I'll be praying for your family, man, and keep your father in my thoughts on Monday. Stay strong, I'm here to vent to if you need to. :hug: 

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Holy shit man. That's fucking rough. Really sorry to hear. Positive thoughts and all that over to you and your family.

You have the right perspective. He is still your dad. People are imperfect and sometimes that hurts. Hope the surgery went well and hope things feel a little better today, even if just a little, than they were a week ago.

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