A new President is being inaugurated on January 20th. Some people love him, more people hate him, and he wants nothing more than the eyes of the world on him. My question for you is this: Do you really want to see it, or is the horrible, gory wreck on the side of the highway which you simply cannot look away from?
I have a problem. I am the kind of person who just can't look away from horror. My curiosity is insatiable. Sometimes I just can't help but see what shit they're saying on Fox News, what garbage is coming out of the necrotic abscess of a mouth on Alex Jones, or the cellphone footage of the alt-right chanting "sieg heil" in Washington DC. I watch those I hate frequently. I make myself angry. But I'm not going to do that next week. I've done it too much. I deserve a day where I'm not infuriated.
So I am not watching the inauguration of the pussy grabber-elect. I always keep up with the news. I always want to know what is going on in the world. But this is not news, this is a show. This is a pathetic spectacle of lies. There is nothing of value to see. So I'm giving myself a break from being pissed off. Not sure what I'll do yet. Maybe a leisurely walk. Maybe get muddy (that means drinking lots of kava, which is awesome). Perhaps I write a short story. But I will make January 20th a bullshit free day.
For anyone who wants to join me, here are some suggestions of things you can do while not bearing witness to the sickening disgrace which is about to occur:
- Masturbate. It feels good. What more do you need?
- Have sex. That also feels good.
- Attempt to cook a complicated recipe you normally wouldn't bother with.
- Adopt a dog, cat, rabbit, or giant capybara from your local animal shelter.
- Make a bong out of fruit.
- Educated yourself on the anatomy of Japanese Spider Crabs.
- Acquire DMT and meet the machine elves.
- Get a new piercing.
- Walk into a Walmart, sit down in the middle of the floor in a lotus position, meditate and see how long it takes before someone approaches you.
- Quit smoking.
- Start smoking.
- Stalk a long lost acquaintance on Facebook.
- Join strangers in a basketball game and take off your shirt without warning.
- Go to your family, friends, and neighbors and acquire one pill from each of them until you have a pill for every color of the rainbow.
- Take those pills.
- Call Poison Control and tell them what you did so they have a fascinating work story to tell for many years.
- Watch the uncomfortably serious episode of Family Guy where Quagmire's sister deals with an abusive husband.
- Contemplate whether the Matrix trilogy ever posed compelling philosophical questions.
- Get a slip n' slide.
- Invent time travel and warn people how fucked we are if Bernie Sanders doesn't win the primary.
- Then travel back to classical antiquity to observe the Battle of Cannae.
- Write a script for a new season of Firefly.
- Go to the gym and use a machine which is for a muscle you've never heard of.
- Hang out by a public pool with a very strong smell of chlorine.