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I've written a few new lyrics recently and changed some of the old ones, but I won't post them until the songs are ready :P though I'd like to post the lyrics I wrote today either way:

Last Way Out

What did you have to go through

when you lost all hope

forgot about all happiness and joy

and all your thoughts

are about a way out

the last way out of all your problems

the last way out of all the misery

the last way out of everything

the last way out of that bitter nightmare

they call life

now they'll say

it is your fault

you let them down

and didn't care about them

but whose fault is it really?

years of teasing and destroying everything you had

breaking your heart and taking what you loved

my pain was your joy

now there's left one last way out

the last way out of all your problems

the last way out of all the misery

the last way out of everything

the last way out of that bitter nightmare

they call life

they call it life

but is it really what it looks like?

you stopped living a long time ago

what is left

are unfulfilled dreams

and a bad nightmare

that follows you every day

and now?

there's only this one way out

the last way out of all your problems

the last way out of all the misery

the last way out of everything

the last way out of that bitter nightmare

they call life

to live is not just to exist

to be happy is not just to smile

to enjoy is not just to laugh

to love doesn't always mean to be loved

and facing the truth isn't always what you want

and now you consider this new and apparently only way out

this last path you have to go

for inner peace

the last way out of all your problems

the last way out of all the misery

the last way out of everything

the last way out of that bitter nightmare

they call life

I want back to a time

where it's all been great and fine

a time in that we laughed

and had fun

and everything seemed perfect

seemed...

Oh I wish I'd have known about it

I wish I could have seen what's inside of you

and what's really in my heart

and what's floating around in our heads

already back then

Oh I wish I would have known

what it becomes a few years later

I wish I would have seen it coming

and be prepaired

I wish I could turn back the time

so we could talk about it all

and it would never come as it did

Oh how I wish I could turn back the time

to when we were all fine and everything was alright

Now this time seems so long ago

but I remember it as if it was yesterday

I wonder...

was there really such a perfect time?

was the world really that good somewhen?

or were we all just too young to care?

Maybe we just were such optimistic kids

not knowing what was all wrong with this world

and of what we knew...

we thought it would get better somewhen

but now we're still waiting...

This song is about the good ol' times in general and everyone can interprete it as they want, but at some places this song may sound weird if you don't know the full story behind it, so I might just add the story...

I don't know how to start, well...about 3-4 years ago everything seemed fine in my little world. There were negative things, but I usually ignored them, cos there was no need to care about them..I loved my life, I had awesome friends and we were all happy. (that's the first part until "seemed...")

Well, my friend was a very happy girl, I thought...until my best friend and me found her diary and yeah I know we shouldn't have read her diary, cos that's private but we did it anyway...so we found out that she actually hated her life. We talked to her but she always said everything is fine. She's not the person who likes to talk about problems anyways...At the time that we found that diary we already felt something was wrong as she seemed kinda annoyed all the time, but whenever we asked, she just said she isn't. Well, some time later we lost contact (for another reason though) and when my best friend and me visited her a few months ago after we reconciled with her, our friend was drunk and told us the most shocking thing in just a few sentences in a way as if it was the most normal thing ever: She told us the reason why she was always so happy back then was cos she was on Crystal Speed (I never knew she ever took drugs, she just once said she's tried Cocain, but didn't like it and sometimes did Weed) and after she was clean she started with alcohol and got addicted to that. A day later my best friend wanted to draw something on her arm when she saw some scars. When she asked whether she cuts, my friend just answered with: "These scars there are my girlfriend's name and that scar here on my wrist is when I wanted to kill myself." She really said it as if it was nothing special...though to me the saddest part was when she told us she wanted to go back to Brazil (half of her family lives there) and start a new life there. I could understand that decision but it was very hard for me. That's what the part after that "seemed..." is about. I just wish i could turn back the time so we could talk about it and it would never become as bad as it did or that I could even go back to a time where everything's really been alright and it would never get bad...

The "so that we can talk about it all" and the part where I wrote "what's in my heart" or "what's floating around in our heads already back then" is also a reference to my own problems that started about in this time and in some parts I also mean my other friends, cos I know they also have problems - we all have, I guess.

I think the rest is pretty obvious...

Rock am See Recap

By Elena,

a not so well written recap, but I wanted to publish it anyways:

Before the festival I met my friend (she's btw the drummer of my band, becomes important later in my story ;D), then we went to the stadium (and her dad also went to the festival but he stayed in the back), the stadium opened at 11am, we came there half an hour later, then thought we'd go closer to the stage at 5pm, but we'd go around a bit and check out the venue, so we went into the first barrier and once we've been there we decided to change our plans and just go to the toilet and then stay somewhere in the middle of that first part (on the way a woman of the Südkurier, a local newspaper, asked us whether she could make a photo of us and well, made her photo :D), then the first band Itchy Poopzkid came and the people started to mosh right were we stood, so we somehow made it into 3rd row through that pushing. That singer looked at me and started to laugh, I really don't know why...before when we came all the people starred at us as if we're aliens :lol: ...Anyways, we were 3rd row and Itchy Poopzkid was amazing, but after that came Jupiter Jones and they weren't that good on that day, then I had to go to the toilet in the next break and just went away to the toilet and when I came back Angels and Airwaves already started playing and the people were all already back, so I somehow had to make my way through the masses, gladly I could make that, then my friend and me were 4th row, but through all that pushing we could make it into third row again and later even into 2nd row...Angels and Airwaves were great, Kraftklub was amazing, Flogging Molly was also amazing, but well, in the middle of their set, Billie Joe showed up at the site of the venue and most people started to look at Billie instead of to the poor singer of the band on stage and started to scream :lol: luckily (for the band on stage) Billie went away shortly after and everyone rocked out to Flogging Molly again, after that Social Distortion came and believe me, they were great, but somehow almost no one seemed to know or like them, so Social D left a few minutes earlier :( ....buuut right after Social D left the girls in front of us from the first row left as well and WE WERE IN THE FIRST ROW NOW!! :runaround: ..and there were just 15 minutes till Geen Day would come on stage!!...then I told my friend she should give me a pinch, cos I really didn't know whether I'm still alive or whether i'm in heaven, so she pinched me and then the lights on stage went on for a second and i looked there and said "God??" :lol: ...then a few minutes later Tre's drums were brought on stage and everyone started to scream although no one of the band was there :lol: ...A little bit later the drunk bunny came and everyone rocked out to YMCA, then iI saw the guys backstage going to the other site of the stage and then it started and oh god, it was soo awesome!!! Mike looked to us and later threw a guitar pick to me, but it didn't reach me and that security guy gave it to the girl next to me :dry: (and later he threw a bunch of guitar picks and that security guy gave them to the girls next to us :dry: ) A bit later Billie made us wet with this water tube and when my friend and me flinched when the water reached us, Billie started to laugh...yeah very funny :dry: jk, it WAS funny :lol: After that the toilet paper came and I got a little piece of that :happy: Billie also sometimes came to us and rocked out with his guitar, once behind his head and it was sooo awesome, later he took a sex doll and kissed it (but that happned on the other site), Tre looked at us for almost the whole show and when Billie wanted somone to play the drums on stage i pointed to my friend (cos she's a drummer) and Billie looked at us, wanted to point his finger on her, Mike also looked to her, but she just tried to stop me pointing to her, so Billie's finger went over the crowd again :/ ...later during King For A Day he changed places with Mike and played bass while Mike sang, so Billie stood in front of us there :wub: ...During Minority Billie played the harmonica and it was soo awesome, also when they started with that song the crowd started to scream and sang every word, just sad that most people stopped singing when the first verse came, i mean, seriously?? xD ...In the end Tre threw his drumsticks in front of the crowd and that security guy gave it to someone there (btw on the right site near to us), then they played American Idiot and 99 Revolutions as encore and then they left the stage and Billie came back to play Good Riddance on his acoustic signature, god that was soo awesome!! Then Billie left the stage and everyone still screamed: "Green Day, Green Day!!" (just like they did before the encore) and then Billie ran on stage just with his underpants on and went to the middle and showed his ass to the crowd!! what a great encore!!...just sad that we couldn't see his ass cos the camera man stood in front of that :dry: ...but he showed his ass also before somewhen where we first also couldn't see it but cos he walked around with his pants down for a bit we saw it really well later :P and when we went away, an interviewer asked us some questions cos we were first row :wub: ..Though I really hope no one of you heard what I said, cos it was quite embarrassing, cos I was still speachless and didn't know what to say :lol:

I chose not to make any photos and enjoy the show instead, my friend made photos and maybe even videos, though, so maybe she'll give some to me and I can upload some photos or videos as well ;)

I was sorry when I heard that Billie was ill and couldn't play in Italy, I'm sorry for all you guys who bought tickets just to see Green Day live and I'm happy that Billie is fine again!! My friend got ill a day after Rock am See as well and had also strong stomach pains and she said she knows how Billie must have felt and it's really not funny, it was like someone was punching in her belly :/ She's fine now, though ;)

...I'm glad they're both fine now and also that Green Day's tour can go on :happy:

So I wrote some new lyrics:

These are the lines that should never be written

the lines that should never be given

a birth

I shouldn't think of it

I shouldn't do it

But I doubt I will ever try

and I guess this is just another cry

A cry for what?

For everything

like an Angel with just one wing

that can't fly

high into the sky

back into heaven

c'mon let's help him

These are the lines that should never be written

the lines that should never be given

a birth

the lines I should never write

but I need to describe

I don't know what to think

I don't know what to do

I don't know how to go on

I don't know how to end it

But what I know is that these lines should never be written.

(I know I wanted to write an interpretation of my last song "Like an empty paper"...I'll do that as soon as I have a normal computer since I'm on a laptop at the moment and the internet is super slow...I'll also write an internpretation of this song then)

I still didn't post all songs of WIMHA, but I saved them all on my computer, so I thought I'd post a new one before I forget it and that I don't bore ya'll :P

This song's called "Like An Empty Paper" and I'm just gonna post the parts that I'm contented with, I e.g. still don't know what I'll take as a chorus...

Anyways...here it is:

Like An Empy Paper

I'm numb

don't know what to feel

or what to do

like an empty paper

I could write something onto it

but I don't know what

I could do something with my life

but I don't know what

till now it's fucked-up

I could write something onto it

but I don't know how to start

I could do something with my life

but I don't know how to start

It's like I don't find a pen

to write my life

then there's just me

the only pen to find

is my own blood

it hurts

but it's the only way to write

the story of my life...

I thought I could take "Where does life take me?" as chorus, but I'm not sure yet.

I won't interpret the song now, maybe in a few days, but not now...I just wanna ad to this that there's 2 ways you can interpret it (maybe even a third one), so if anyone wants to interpret a bit into that song, you can leave it in the comments wink.png

(and I know that's not my best song ever, but I thought I'd share it as well :lol: )

Be Happy

By Elena,

This was the fourth song I posted in WIMHA:

Be Happy

worried, scared, frightened, unhappy,

crying the whole day,

dying inside,

thinking about suicide

normally, but not today,

today I'm happy

and laughing the whole time

I love my life

Chorus:

Never say you hate your life

and never think about suicide

cos that's just a waste of time

and life's too short to not enjoy it

Screaming, unbelieving, so sad and sick,

crying the whole day,

dying inside,

thinking about suicide

usually, but not today,

today I'm happy

and laughing the whole time,

I love my life

(chorus again)

I wrote this song on more than just one day...as far as I can remember I wrote the first half of it on a day, but didn't know how to continue, then almost forgot about it and somewhen sumbled over it and wrote the rest to it. I wrote that song on days on that I've felt a bit better, kinda like a "Yay, it still gives those days on that you can feel good" and to me it's also kind of a hope song. It shows me that it gives those awesome days and that I shouldn't waste my life thinking about how everything sucks. It also shows me that I shoudn't give up and commit suicide cos there'll always come a good time...

But I don't know whether I should like that song or not...the song's a bit weird xD

What is also weird is that I always feel like in that song that I write an entry about...e.g. the last times I wrote entries about totally sad songs and was totally depressed and now I write an entry about a song that is at least a bit optimistic and my mood is optimistic as well, but not just while I write these entries, I feel like that the whole day now and also before I even planned on writing an entry today xD and the last times it was about the same...I felt like shit for the whole day and then wrote my entry :lol: (and no, I don't write about the songs that fit to my mood the best, I write them in the order in that I wrote them in WIMHA :lol: )

Sitting on a chair

with an empty mind

feeling nothing

cos you don't know

what to feel

It's so empty inside

but on the same time

your head's so full

-full of sadness

no one'd ever understand

Something's broken

but not just a bone

something's broken inside

something inside your head

something inside your heart

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

You're waiting

waiting for nothing

or maybe for a better time?

You don't know

and you don't care

You hear the clock ticking

it feels like

there's a time bomb

inside your head

and you can't stop it

You sit there

alone on a chair

while the world doesn't care

but you don't care

about the world

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

You're sitting there

with thousand questions

none will ever be answered

but you don't mind

cos you know that

Looking back

into the past

it makes you cry

and you start asking

those thousand questions again

Why is this world

so unfair?

Why does it always happen to me?

I'll never know...

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

I wrote that song after I broke my collarbone for the 2nd time. I don't remember whether it was before my operation or after, but what I remember is that I felt like shit, cos I couldn't do anything and due to the fact that it's already the second time that I broke my collarbone I wasn't sure whether I'd ever be as good at ice hockey as I've been before. After I showed that song to my friend, and drummer of our band, Jenny, she asked me whether I wanna stop with hockey, cos I wrote "It's the moment you realized that you have to give up with your hobby somewhen" and stuff that would fit to that theory. My answer was "No.". I didn't want to stop with hockey, I just couldn't play for such a long time and that must be kind of the feeling that you get when you stop with your hobby. Also I broke my collarbone 2 times in a row and understood that it can end easier than I thought. But the song isn't all about hockey, it's simply about everything in life, how you somewhen have to give up on things or your biggest dreams, have to let go people you loved for whatever reason and yeah also your hobby which for me is hockey but also playing guitar. Okay, I didn't think I have to stop playing guitar somewhen, but I knew I couldn't play it for a long time cos of my injury.

At that time I was totally depressed and the feeling I'm describing in the song is hard to explain, but I try to...hope you understand what I mean xD

It was like I was so sad and so depressed that I cried a lot, my head felt like exploding and there was so much in my mind, so much that I felt unhappy about, but at the same time I was totally numb and didn't feel a thing and about a lot of things I didn't care. I guess it was kinda like it got too much so that I felt numb. I then didn't think about why I felt depressed anymore (while before I thought about every little detail) but just that I felt depressed and was just crying cos of that, but also was kinda numb. I can't explain it...it was weird...

My Life

By Elena,

So this was the second song I posted in WIMHA:

My Life

I am screaming

Just look at my heart's

Too fast beating

Never dreaming

Cos I never get

The chance to sleep

I'm an insomniac

Lying

That I have

No depression

And a perfect life

I am freezing

While my heart

Is bleeding so much

Never seeing

What I should see

-all the positive things in life

I'm an insomniac

Lying

That I have

No depression

And a perfect life

I know I should forget

About this

But I can't

Still I'm lying

That I have

No depression

And a perfect life

Or is it maybe true

And I'm just too blind

to see that?

I called it My Life but I might change that name, cos almost every song is about my life xD

That song is about Depression and Insomnia...

When I wrote that song I was depressed and couldn't think about anything else than that my life sucks, but I didn't tell anyone cos I was afraid of their reactions or that they'd worry about me. That's why I always said that I'm okay. The line "Still I'm lying that I have no depression and a perfect life or is it maybe true and I'm just too blind to see that?" explains that and that I maybe just don't look close enough myself. Maybe I've had this great life but was too ignorant to enjoy it and made everything bad. Maybe I was just too pessimistic. After all I've had a great family and great friends who were always there for me and I probably had it better than a lot of other kids. The lines "Never seeing what I should see - all the positive things in life" also show that. But I just couldn't change my feelings and at some point I became so depressed that I couldn't even sleep anymore. It took me hours to fall asleep and when I finally slept I woke up several times at night and/or had nightmares (most of the time I don't remember anything from the night but when I remember anything it are nightmares).

The first lines of the song "I am screaming just look at my heart's too fast beating" mean that I've cried a lot, but usually just inside, but you were able to see it if you just look at how nervous I was sometimes (or simply looked at my face a bit more precisely). Back then I was either totally nervous for whatever reason or was just totally numb.

Now - about 9 months later - I guess that all became worse, but that's another story and I'll probably write about that when I write about another song.

What A Paradise

By Elena,

So due to the fact that Words I Might Have Ate will be removed, I thought I'd post all my songs here...I'll make a blog entry for every song, but try to explain my songs a bit more than I did in Words I Might Have Ate...

soo I start with What A Pradise:

What A Paradise

Oh what a paradise

It's my life

I live in paradise

Yeah it's my life

No depression

Following own decisions

I love my big city

with a big shopping center

sightseeing everywhere

still a silence when I need it

Oh what a paradise

It's my life

I live in paradise

Yeah it's my life

No fears

Following my dreams

I love my life

Where dreams are coming true

I live my dreams

And don't dream my life like you

Oh what a paradise

It's my life

I really do live in paradise

Woo hoo it's MY life! YAY!!!

Oh what a paradise

I have to say

It's how I want to live my life

Yeah I live in paradise

I wrote that song about my hometown which is totally small and you can't do much there. The song is sarcastic about that and and every single line is sarcastic ;) ...I don't really hate my town, but it's also not really a paradise and it's usually just totally boring...and to go shopping or buying a CD you have to go to the neighbor city.

...But at least we have the best pizza here :P

Today's June 26th, which means yesterday 3 years ago Michael Jackson, the King Of Pop, died.

I already once wrote a blog about him and how I heard the news and how I became a huge fan. Here's a link to it: http://www.greendaycommunity.org/blog/58/entry-164-music-life-7-how-i-got-into-michael-jackson/

It's sad what the press and even his own family did with him. His family just wanted the money and the press used to write shit about him which unfortunately totally destroyed him. His dad saw his talent and made him work very hard, every day and destroyed his childhood. Maybe his dad is the reason why he became such a huge star and such a great singer and dancer, but he destroyed his childhood and I'm sure Michael would have appreciated a childhood more than fame.

Anyways, I don't wanna write more about all the cruel things in his life but about the great things, his music, his passion for it. His music was amazing. He had so much feeling in his voice and in his dance steps, he had it like no one else. He loved music and he lived music. Usually I don't like stars who don't even write their own stuff, but with Michael Jackson I see it a bit different: He DID write some songs, but not all. To me it doesn't matter whether he wrote a song or not, the result was amazing and you could think that you never really feel a song that you didn't write on your own or at least not so much, well, this rule doesn't count for MJ. He made every song sound like it's the most important thing in his life - whether he wrote the song or not. He also wanted to make the world a better place, so he wrote songs like Man In The Mirror, Earth Song or We Are The World and donated a lot of his money, even when he was broke. He had so much feeling in his voice, I can't even describe it. I wish feeling would still be relevant in songs nowadays, but it seems like dance pop is more important -.-

My personal favorite song is Don't Walk Away. It's a ballad with as much feeling as possible. I really have never heard a song with so much feeling before. If you want, you can check it out:

...that video doesn't work in Germany anymore, but maybe anywhere else:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Arhj_FJjuo&list=FLDSwGCJM0nmh-2NaV7Id9sg&index=31&feature=plpp_video

and here's a video for everyone who can't watch the first video, but it's just an instrumental, sorry GEMA deleted the original again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjVEdsl9xcw

Anyways, Michael Jackson was just amazing, also an amazing dancer. Here's a vid of his incredible dancie moves:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_3B85387z4&feature=related

He btw also had an amazing cover, the Beatles song Come Together:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBS6RRXy4kc

He just was amazing, his songs, his lyrics, his dance moves and even his drawings...he was an amazing drawer...and he was also a very good pianist and beat boxer!! The most important thing, though, is, that he was an amazing person, very humble, very down to earth, even though he made millions with his music and was one of the most famous people on earth.

I'm sure I have forgotten something, but he was simply amazing, I can't even tell everything I love about him. I'm really sad that he had to leave this world with just 50. There was so much he planned and it's just sad that so many people called themselves fans after his dead. Before they didn't want anything from him and after they pretended to be his biggest fans...though I have to say I also only discovered his music after he died and I'm so sorry for that. The worst things, though, are that the press afterwards just wrote positive things but while he was alive they just wrote negative things or in the last years nothing and the worst thing is that his family just tried to make money with him after he died. I think that's just cruel and you really shouldn't think of money when your son or brother dies.

Now to show something other awesome about him and not letting this end with something completely sad, I have a video of Man In The Mirror:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtW1O12hIBE

Rest In Peace Michael <3

I don't know how to start...I'm listening to Adam's Song by Blink 182 because I'm in this mood again. I know I should be happy: I have holidays, I have a ticket for a festival with Green Day as headliners and I'll get the chance for the girls national hockey team, but I'm still totally depressed...and why? Well, I don't know, I guess it's cos next week school starts again and on Tuesday we'll write this Chemistry test and I need a good mark, cos if I have a bad mark, I probably won't come into the next class and with that I'd also have to leave my school and go to the next worse one, cos I already repeated the class this year.

Also my motivation in hockey is almost gone. Since I broke my collarbone twice in a row, nothing seem to work: My head and my back hurt, I'm afraid of getting another fracture and that's why I suck at playing now and also my technique is shitty, cos I didn't train while I was injured and missed almost the whole season and my stamina is also shit now. My team doesn't help there either, they just all ask why I even play hockey when I'm so bad and tease me for everything. Somehow I just wanna stop playing hockey and jack it all in, but then I realize that I also can't live without hockey and I also don't wanna miss my best chance for the national team. It's always been my biggest dream to play there and now I seriously get the chance and maybe get what I wanted...and then there's also my other team: a girls team. They're all really nice there and I like them all. Okay, now you might think "Why don't you go out of the boys team and just play in the girls team?", well, the reason for that is that when you just play in a girls team, you don't become as good, it's not as challenging and you don't have so many games. I always prefered boys hockey, though I hate my team...but I can't go to another team, cos there's simply none and the only other team in my region already have more than enough players.

Anyways...I don't know whether I should really continue playing and I said that when I break my collarbone again, I'll stop and also if I don't come into the national team I'll stop with it...

It's weird, it's always been my biggest hobby, my biggest passion, I loved it since I was 3, always knew I wanted to do that, from the first moment on. When I first saw it I told my mom that I wanna do that, too, although I never even skated on ice before. From that moment on we went from ice rink to ice rink just that I could learn how to skate on ice. After one year we went to a club and after a short time I came into the team, I tried to get better, shot my first goal. I was happy when we won, was proud of my team. I still can remember what music we used to listen to in the dressing room, it was awesome music, songs like Last Resort by Papa Roach, 10 Kleine Jägermeister by Die Toten Hosen and also American Idiot by Green Day (back then I didn't know that it was by GD, though, but I loved the song). We also had a AC/DC CD, I loved that time. Then this team split up and I went to another one, they liked me and I was proud that I could play there and proud when I shot my first goal in the new team. It's sad how everything changed...now my team hates me and I hate my team and I lost my passion for the sports. They say I suck at hockey and I start to believe them, I really got worse, really bad. I try not to listen to them and I really don't wanna stop because of them, but ya know, it's just no fun anymore. I have the feeling that the only things that keep me in that team are because I wanna bother them with my pure presense cos I know they want me to go and the other reason is that my parents want that I stay there and play hockey. Maybe my parents want that, because they know that I actually don't wanna jack it all in and I should show that team how good I actually can play and who I really am and maybe they also wanna show me that my injury shouldn't mean my end with that sport...

In the past I was bullied by my class and now I'm in a different class and everything's fine. I hope something like that happens with my team...either they change or I simply need to change anything, either go into another team or just play in the girls team and forget about the boys team, even though I hate that idea xD

I have no idea why I wrote all this...maybe I just had to let off my steam...

uhm...I once wrote a song about my depression and it's also a bit about what I wrote above...I wrote it after I broke my collarbone the second time, though it's not completely about hockey but more about depression and that everything has an end:

Sitting on a chair

with an empty mind

feeling nothing

cos you don't know

what to feel

It's so empty inside

but on the same time

your head's so full

-full of sadness

no one'd ever understand

Something's broken

but not just a bone

something's broken inside

something inside your head

something inside your heart

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

You're waiting

waiting for nothing

or maybe for a better time?

You don't know

and you don't care

You hear the clock ticking

it feels like

there's a time bomb

inside your head

and you can't stop it

You sit there

alone on a chair

while the world doesn't care

but you don't care

about the world

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

You're sitting there

with thousand questions

none will ever be answered

but you don't mind

cos you know that

Looking back

into the past

it makes you cry

and you start asking

those thousand questions again

Why is this world

so unfair?

Why does it always happen to me?

I'll never know...

It was the moment you realized

that your dreams will never come true

It was the moment you realized

that you have to give up on your hobby somewhen

It was the moment you realized

that you have to let go

It was the moment you realized

that everything has an end

Yeah it was the moment you realized

that your life isn't always fair

It was the moment that changed your life

and I once wrote another song about my stupid depression...it btw has a guitar-line now:

Depression's taken over me

and I don't even know why it's still here

it's taken away my motivation

or am I just too lazy?

There once was a reason

for all my misery

but that's all gone now

but my depression's still here

I'd like to know the reasons

but I guess I'll never know

It just seems like

my depression's never gonna disappear

I already posted both songs in my thread in Words I Might Have Ate, I just thought they fit to my feelings now, so I posted them here again...

woo hoo I've managed to write a new entry after such a long time :lol:

I don't know where I should start, but I think I'll beginn with everything that happened on March 16th:

It was a friday, ten days before my 16th birthday, usually I would have had school there, but I stayed at home because I was ill. Most of that day I spent on the computer. Some days before some festival dates in Europe have been announced, so I thought Green Day will probably announce something for Germany in the next time, because they usually play here, but for the other festivals came up rumors that Green Day will play there days before it finally got announced, so I thought there would probably come up a rumor on that day or maybe in the next days, but then...then they seriously announced that they play on Rock Am See in Konstanz !! I was shocked - in a good way..or was it really good? I mean, I almost got a heart attack and it wasn't even sure whether my parents would allow me to go...but after I screamed for a few minutes, I decided to call my parents, cos they weren't at home, but I needed to tell them and because my mom didn't pick up the phone, I called my dad. He said "maybe" and I was pretty happy about that, cos if he doesn't say "no" at the beginning, it usually turns into a "yes". After that I wrote my bandmate a text message and short after we phoned and we both were pretty speakless (she already asked her parents there and she was allowed to go), I can't describe the feeling, but I think everyone who ever got the news that there's a festival in their country and maybe can attend it, knows the feeling. Later I started going around in the room and even running and jumping, cos I was so happy and just couldn't hide it and I just hoped my parents allowed me to go. So in the evening I was so happy when they came and I almost freaked out - wrong I literally freaked out - when they allowed me to go and I was even more happy when we ordered the ticket :happy:

Exactly ten days later was my 16th birthday and I hoped my ticket would arrive there, but it didn't, but I didn't really care, cos I knew I'd get them a few days later. That day started awesome: I got a cake from my parents and in school everyone wished my a happy birthday, but then school started and it was just as boring as always. I was so happy when the school was over and then my grandma came and we did something together and when I went on GDC there was this amazing thread for me - THANK YOU SO MUCH, YOU ALL !!! :hug: - and when I went on Facebook even John Roecker wished me a happy b-day, that was soo awesome !! ...other than that, that day wasn't really different to all the other days over the year :lol:

So after that I think there didn't happen much, Green Day announced two other Germany-dates that I'm unluckily not able to attend and Billie tweeted, we've seen his role in Nurse Jackie and I think that was all...

So let's go on with yesterday :D

Yesterday was my first time I've ever done a real job, so it was my absolute premiere...I had to put in the stuff into the shelves in a shop. I have to do that three days: yesterday, today and tomorrow - eight hours a day.

At the beginning it was funny, then it was a bit annoying and in the end just plain boooring, I just wanted to go home...

Then today was better...well, not from beginning on: I wasn't able to sleep properly and I was sick and when I was finally able to sleep my mom woke me up after a short time, so I was totally tired for almost the whole day and I almost slept at work xD ...but work wasn't as boring as yesterday, to my luck. After work we went shopping and I first went into a little guitar shop, but because I can't afford ANY guitar at the moment, I quickly went out. Then somewhen we went to an electronic store and there I found an amazing Green Day DVD I've never seen before, so I bought it, and I found a Green Day t-shirt that I've never seen before, but I didn't buy it, because they didn't have it in my size...then we drove home...after chilling a few minutes on the couch, I went to the computer, to GDA and what I found there was simply amazing. I just hoped I could read some news that the guys now told us the release date of the new album, but didn't really believe it would happen, but then I read that they wanna release THREE albums :woot: ...I was totally shocked, I read all articles and still couldn't believe it, it's so amazing !! ...and I btw love the name...and the pun...it's about 11pm here, I've worked the whole day and was already tired when I woke up, but now I'm wide awake...and totally in writing mood - as you see :P

I think my writing mood started a few days ago, my PM's got longer and longer. I don't know whether that's good or bad, bad because you have to read so much, cos whatever I write, it's long as hell, cos I just can't write anything short and good because it could mean that I'll maybe start writing songs soon again after such a long time...I'm so glad that it was just a phase where I didn't write anything :lol: ...But oh god, I think I'm exaggerating it now, it's like I unintentionally try to make good for all the days where I didn't write anything...god, sorry for that, I stop now :lol:

As I already said in my last entry I almost lost my love for music, but then something happened:

25th of June - everything was normal, I had to go to school and my mom brought me to school this time, because my school's on her way to work. We sat in the car, listened to music and then the news came on: Michael Jackson, the King Of Pop, died with just 50 years. At that time, I didn't like Michael Jackson much...all I knew about him before was how he looks like and a lot of scandals, nothing really positive, but I was still in shock. When I finally came into school really EVERYONE was talking about it, though the most people didn't like him or haven't heard much about him, but no one was joking about him and if someone did someone else said that you don't make jokes about dead people - even if you didn't like them - and although they didn't like him they respected him. It's over 2 years ago and I still know what I've done when he died (I was sleeping) and what I've done when I heard the news. But as I said: first I wasn't a huge fan, but I have to admit that I really just knew his scandals, cos when MJ made his last tour I was 1-2 years old and after that there was nothing else to hear then scandals, the only positive thing I heard before (that I can remember) was when I watched TV and they said something about his children and that was just a few months before his death, damn, I didn't even know that he had children before !! Anyways...after he died they showed a lot about him on TV, a lot of songs and a lot about his private life and his career and so on nd because I didn't even know one song, I thought I give it a listen. First I didn't like it that much - although I liked his voice - and I can remember that I even made fun of the vid to Black Or White, but that changed a while later. His songs came on the radio ALL THE TIME (hehe even a Green Day reference) so I heard his songs very often and over the time, I fell in love with his songs. I was almost the only one who liked him at my school and all of my friends hated him, but I just loved him and bought all of his CD's !! I was even able to dance the Moonwalk and I always tried to dance like him. He's the best dancer ever (imo) !!!...And he's also an amazing singer: He was able to sing over 3 1/2 octaves !!...And in contrary to the most singers nowadays he writes some songs on his own !! He's written Beat It and Billie Jean - two of his most popular songs. He has also written the Earth Song on his own - which is the first of his songs who reached No 1 of the German charts !! He was an amazing songwriter !! (even though he didn't write his biggest hit Thriller...but there he at least helped at the video ;) )

When I was a kid I loved music, but in about 2008-2009 (or maybe even a bit earlier) I started to think that pop music got worse every year. I loved almost every pop song when I was little, but in those 2 years I thought that pop music just contains 4 chords and almost every song sounded the same for me. It seemed like the stars got uncreative or everything was already there...I almost stopped listening to music and payed more attention to movies. Before I always wanted to become a singer, but in those years I changed my mind and wanted to become an actor. I watched a lot of movies and was very interested in everything what has to do with that and my favprite movie was (and still is) Star Wars. Yeah, I was a Star Wars addict :P I watched my favorite episode - which is episode 3 The Revenge Of The Sith - every day and most of all the amazing fight on mustafar, but what I liked the most was the backround MUSIC. Really, the backround music of that fight is plain amazing !!...But I didn't just love the music, it was just the whole scene that I liked (and the whole movie). Anyways...except for the Star Wars backround and theme music I didn't listen to music that much anymore, it was boring, all the same and usually just dance pop shit, I really hate dance pop...either ballades or punk :D ...but at that time I didn't already like punk, I liked Green Day, they were my fave band, but I didn't know more then the few songs that always came on the radio...

:yay: Now finally the day has come where I can write something about my dearly beloved guitar Blue after writing about everything important that came before :happy:

So Blue is a Fender Stratocaster 50's Mexican Standard in daphne blue and my favorite guitar.

I saved up money for it for a very long time and I was so happy when my parents said that we'll go to Berlin for three days and I can buy my guitar there. I waited for that day for so long and finally it should come, but then I broke my collarbone 1 day before we wanted to go to Berlin, so my parents weren't sure whether we can go there then, but they asked the doctor and he gave us an okay for the trip. I really love Berlin, but for me it was a torture, cos my collarbone hurted so much and I couldn't even sleep. Later my arm was even swollen.

On the second day in Berlin we went to the guitar shop - which is btw the biggest guitar shop of Berlin and the only there that's allowed to sell Fender guitars and I told the guy in the shop which guitar I wanna have. He wanted to give it to me to play it, but then - and I almost had it in my hands - my mom said that I broke my collarbone and shouldn't hold it, cos it's to heavy, so that guy didn't want to give it to me...but I said that I can do that and hold it, so he gave it to me anyways. It was an amazing feeling to hold this guitar in my hands and for sure one of the best moments in my life, I mean: I had an original Fender guitar in my hands, the guitar I always wanted to have and for that I saved up money for so long. My collarbone hurted for the whole trip, but in that moment I forgot it. Then the guy took the guitar and said he'll play something for me on it, cos I can't do it, cos I broke my collarbone and he played amazing !! It was like being on cloud nine !! But because this was our 2nd day of our 3 days trip, my parents decided not to buy it on that day and wanted to buy it on the next day, so I had to wait for another day and believe me: it was the longest day in my whole life !! First of all cos my collarbone hurted, my arm was swollen, I wasn't able to walk normally and I had to go really slow, cos otherwise my collarbone would hurt even more, and I didn't get enough sleep and second of all cos I really wanted to have that guitar...NOW !! But then finally the day came where I could buy my dearly beloved guitar and I also bought a Fender amp. The guy in the shop even put in new strings and gave me a cable for my guitar and amp for free. It felt so awesome finally owning such an amazing guitar !! I gave it the name Blue and even a nickname: BB, for the differentiation from Billie's "original" Blue and my friend's Fender replica which is also named Blue and also because BB is my nickname, cos my last name is Hummel, which means Bumblebee in english. My friend always named me Bumblebee instead of my real name and later invented the shortening BB for it. I also wanted to put red tape onto my guitar with those letters, cos then it's also a Green Day/Billie reference, but not completely covered, but I didn't find red tape anywhere and now I'm even too lazy to put it on :D But my guitar does have stickers: one Green Day sticker and one sticker with a map of the world.

My Blue is for sure the instrument I use the most and recently I'm learning Iron Man on it and I have to admit: The sound of this guitar is simply amazing !!

So after buying my first guitar Cheapy, I got another acoustic guitar as a present: Aziza. It's an original Höfner and about 30-40 years old. The owner of the guitar died and his wife - and now widow - had no use for the guitar, because she isn't able to play it. Because my grandma told her that I want to have a guitar, she gave the guitar to my grandma - as a present !! My grandma later gave it to me. I have no idea how much it cost, but what I know is that the owner was an adult and had a job when he bought it and he also had a band !! ...And who would buy a cheap guitar in this situation? Moreover it was his second guitar and not his first, so I think it was about 200€ (also because it's an original Höfner), but the price isn't very important for me, what's important is the sound and that was awesome !!

I loved this guitar from the first moment on, but I had no idea how to name it and while I had no real name I just called it Sweetheart, because I loved it so much. Later I looked up some names on the internet (cos of my lack of creativity in that moment :P ) and found the lovely name Aziza. It's a persian name and means Sweetheart, so it was totally fitting. The only "problem" I had with this guitar was that it was totally covered in dust and also totally dirty, but I cleaned it and after that it looked even more lovely then before. From then on I didn't use Cheapy that much again. :lol:

So there were a few more loves for any instruments between the violin and the guitar, but I don't wanna make it too long, cos I don't want that it gets boring :lol: ...so in kindergarten there was a time where I loved drums, then I started loving guitars for a short time, cos my cousin had 2 guitars and I wanted to have one - just because of him - and after that I wanted to learn keyboard and I even bought a keyboard, but stopped playing somewhen, cos it just got too boring and it's difficult without a teacher.

Anyways...

After my Michael-Jackson-fan-phase I became a huge Green Day fan and that's when my love to guitars started (again :D). I've seen Billie playing that instrument and it looked so awesome, I really wanted to buy a guitar !! So I decided to buy a cheap guitar with that I can start learning how to play it and then, when I have enough money, I'd buy a Fender. I first had to convince my parents, but that wasn't very difficult, so I was allowed to buy my first guitar on the internet. I really didn't care how much it cost, the important thing was that I had one !! So I bought a very cheap no name acoustic guitar and later on I decided to name it Cheapy - cos of the oh so high price. The good thing was that there was a tuner and - more importantly - an exercise book with all the important chords in it, so I was finally able to start learning how to play guitar - and I used every free minute to improve my skills.

When I was in kindergarten I was in something similar like "Music lessons" I learned something about several instruments and I can't remember very much, but I know that I learned playing the xylophone a bit, but just a bit of course, cos we were all little kids. Those lessons were voluntary, but I can remember that I loved them. I was there with some friends who were all interested in music, but then my best friend didn't want to join these lessons anymore. I was disappointed, cos we did everything together, so after a while I decided that I didn't want to go to these lessons alone. I can remember that my parents tried to talk to me, cos they knew that I loved music - they didn't want that I'd do the wrong decision, but I already decided. After that I never had a music lesson again, but I didn't give up on music, I still loved to sing and I sang everywhere and all the time (haha an unintentional reference here ;) ) I don't know whether it was the right decision back then, but I can't change it and I also don't think that it changed much, cos we didn't learn that much in those lessons...the only thing that really changed, was that my parents now always tell me that I decided not to go to these lessons back then and now they don't want to pay any guitar lessons, because they think that my interest in it wouldn't last long. :lol:

So because I have nothing better to do ( :D ) I'd like to write something about how my love for music began...which was early: somewhen at the age of 3 or 4.

I can't even remember that but my mom told me (a few weeks ago) that I was always interested in music and mostly into violins. It's weird, whenever there was classical music I mostly heard the violins out of all the instruments playing. As I said I can't remember that anymore, cos I was just about 3 or 4, but my parents said that they saw that I loved it. When my parents told me about that I was a bit shocked, cos the violin is for sure NOT my favorite instrument, but I tried to remember back into some music lessons when we had to figure out which instruments were playing in a composition and that was quite shocking for me: I still heard the violin most out of all the instruments playing !! It was difficult for me to figure out when a piano or a flute played, but I always heard it when the violin played !! It's weird that I never wanted to play that instrument, though that was the time where I started with everything that interested me (at that time I e.g. started playing ice hockey)....but maybe I started singing back then, too ;D

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