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One for the Ballad

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About this blog

Stuff and other stuff probably.

Entries in this blog

First off, hello GDC blog! Wow! It has been a long time, and I don't know where I've been. Even if I'm not really active posting or anything, I usually come on GDC like five times a day to browse and lurk. I don't feel very involved in this community but I think that's just because I don't really know how to go about going from posting to friendship - it's weird, but I like it here. It's a cool place.

I'm writing this blog post to sort of get all my thoughts out of my head. As you've probably sussed out from the title, my dog passed away today. This is always a sad event, and a lot of my sadness is coming from the fact about how generic this whole event feels. You're a kid. You get a dog, you love him. You grow up. He dies. You start a family. You have kids. You buy your kids a dog, they love him. They grow up. He dies. It's a vicious cycle and one that we're not really committing to when we first buy a pet - because we're blinded by how cute they are. But it really isn't a generic experience for us all, it's human and individual. Dogs aren't clones. They all have personalities that mix and match, and suit different people. Moe was a little dog, he was goofy and lazy, and he liked to spend most of his time going from one extreme to the other - lazing around or chasing his tail until he bonked his head on the table and had to take a break. He also loved other dogs, way more than most dogs loved him. He would bark at strangers, but not for very long or for any malicious reasons. He loved attention.

I don't know how well I'm handling this. I've stopped crying for a bit, so maybe that's good, but I know when I wake up it will feel even worse. It probably won't ever go away, the pain of losing someone you love, animal or human. And I'm ready to accept that. I just want things to be normal. I don't want to let this break me down and defeat me, I want this to propel me to do something about it. I wanna use my time constructively, I want to write songs and poems for Moe, create art that I'm sure he'd enjoy if he gave the slightest fuck about art. I want to work on my writing, and I want to be something that little dude wouldn't feel embarrassed about. He didn't die in vain, he lived a great life and we made sure it was as comfortable as possible. Moe always had a struggle, immediately he was diagnosed with a severe form of epilepsy and was on two, sometimes three, medications a day. His insides had effectively rotted away, and he lost control of his bowels. Speaking objectively, it is no way to go about being propped up by pills and laying in your own piss, too weak to get out of it. Putting a suffering animal down is very hard on the family, but easily the most humane solution to the problem. I'm glad he's free, of all those pills, of all the suffering he had to go through. No more seizures, no more embarrassing accidents. But it's hard not to be selfish. No more pets, no more floppy ears running to greet me after home, and no more excited yelps when he wants to jump up on my bed to take a nap. I'll have to take the bad with the good, and I guess he's in a better place. I don't really believe in heaven, for dogs or humans, but one of my best friend's simply messaged me that he was sorry and that all dogs go to heaven. That was very nice, so I felt it an appropriate title.

I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of this is, I just felt like talking about him. To anybody who has lost a family member, I mean a human being, I am truly sorry for your loss and I cannot begin to imagine the pain you feel. I would never wish the pain of losing my dog on anybody, so I hope I don't offend anybody. Experience with death is not something I have a lot of, especially with things super close to me. It just hasn't really happened until now, so I have to speak from my personal point of view. He wasn't just a dog, and I'm sure anybody with a dog can tell you this. To anybody who has lost a pet recently or ten years ago, I am so sorry for your loss, and I am sure they loved you just as much as Moe loved me. They are wonderful things, aren't they? They bring people closer together, help teach them lessons when they're growing up. Lessons that can't be replicated into any specific language, lessons that are little and sometimes stick in the back of your mind. How to be patient and wait. How to help those who need it. How to handle your time effectively. I am truly blessed to have had known my dog. He brought my father and mother and I closer together, and he was always so nice. I'm gonna miss him, and it'll be sad, but I know soon I will be happy. I'll be happy just to be able to say that he was my dog, and even when I'm crying my eyes out these next few months it won't be all negative. I've struggled with depression my entire life, and I've learned a lot of things about how I act and react. The outlook needs to be positive for any results to be positive. I won't sulk out, Moe. I'll remember you fondly and even though now I'm crying and I wish you were here, I'm jealous of you. Your time on this Earth was so fantastic! You helped me out more than I can ever thank you for. And I hope someday I can start my own family, and show my own kids the love and beautiful thing that having a dog really is. But they'll never be you, buddy. I just hope I can show any future pets, my family, any future friends, everyone, as much love as you showed me. I love you.


Rest in Peace

Maurice "Mojo" Joseph MacNeil

2005 - 2015

"Make the best of this test, and don't ask why

It's not a question but a lesson learned in time

It's something unpredictable, but in the end is right

I hope you had the time of your life"

I Want a Flood

Just like the fences line the backyard

I've been good at putting up fronts

And the sun beats down on the torn white paint

Slide the strings and pull another stunt

Like I'm too sick to dance the night away with him

If you wanna see us fall then please just ask

Let me know when the farce of our friendship begins

If you want us to leave, you can ask

I tell myself that I don't care about it

But inside it might be wearing me down

I don't remember how it feels to fall in love

Another dim night in this dark town

Never had a girl inside of my bed

Haven't really fell asleep anywhere else

Can't stand to be alone

I'm tired of the quiet

We all know drugs and drinking will help

Is it something in the way I was made

A certain fate fell and then held on

Odd look on my face, and I am so fucking lazy

I guess everything I do is wrong

I tell myself that I don't care about it

But inside it might be wearing me down

I don't remember how it feels to fall in love

Another dim night in this dark town

Singing verses with the faces

All crowding the deck

What are we laughing at

The booze or the brawn?

I guess it doesn't matter

There's gotta be somebody

Fake a smile and sing alone

I tell myself that I don't care about it

But inside I know it's breaking me down

Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck shit fuck

Fucking shit fucking fuck shit



HooOOOoly shit GDC BLOG, this is the first song I wrote in a while. I like this one!!! Just hung out with an old friend, the subject of many a song here, and had a very fun night with some newer friends. Feeling pretty good and this just came outta me in 5 minutes.

Reading Auras

I have no intentions

Of telling you this

The rise and fall of your delicate cadence

Every glorious hit and miss

I'm infatuated with infatuiaton

But I've fell in love with

Love and patience

I'd get high every day and night

Just to feel your hand when you pass the pipe

And I'd gladly forget any tomorrow

Just to laugh out loud and share your bottle

You have a lot to be proud of

And you got enough to regret

I'd kindly ask to remove myself

From the yellowed bottom of that list

I say your soul looks green and bright

Bouncing around the room

And when I open my eyes wide and look real close

I think I see some blue

For every time I've had a hand

In stringing up those tears

Mine pumps red at a steady rate

With some darkness for the fears

But I would get high every day and night

Just to feel your hand when you pass the pipe

And I'd cough up every stupid poem I wrote for you

If that made me feel sure of what I once knew

And I'd gladly forget any tomorrow

Just to laugh out loud and share your bottle

Finally see the error of my ways

The journey, the destination

Don't think I can complain

"Lane" - lyrics by da Malleus

By Malleus,


I'm selling all my video games

I'm moving out and painting the walls


Maybe after we both fix up our coffins real nice

We fix them up real nice helping each other

Maybe after we can grab a coffee or have a smoke

Maybe it will rain, we can watch it cut through the fog

Like tiny knives piercing the nerves

Again and again

I remember when my mom was taller than me

And those swings, they never seemed to stop

But now I sneak out late at night when I'm by myself

Hope I don't wake her with the turn of the lock

Finally when I'm dead, my bones will have more to say

The Earth around me expands and makes room for the day

But I know somewhere, someone is waiting to feel

Like they never had a chance with me

Again and again

Remember when we said we'd never forget

Well I can't and that's what worries me most

I'm selling all my video games, tonight I die

I trade my breath in for a dog and a house

Remember when we said to Hell with those fears

Well I can't and I think that's the saddest part

I'm selling all my old video games, tonight

Lord knows they never got me too far

Thought a lot about killing myself tonight. Don't think I could, probably wanna. Cried for like an hour. Went for a long walk. Then I wrote this song.

The Last Day of Winter

I felt like a bad man

Being watched underneath

All of this heavy air hanging dead

Below an icy cold canopy

As I turn down familiar streets

I race the cars but they always win

And I avert my eyes and tuck in my neck

So I can't taste all of the wind

I think a bad man

Is someone who will stand

For all the mistakes that they have made

And I think a good man

Is just a bad man

Who tries his hardest not to act that way

On the tip of her tongue a regret is waiting

She throws her phone like a spear made of bone

He says she's good for nothing and she runs away

But he waits for her to come home

And maybe I'll see her passing by a street sign

Kicking snow on my sad way through

We probably won't talk, or give each other a second thought

I just hope she knows I feel it too

I think a bad man

Is someone who will stand

For all the mistakes that they have made

And I think a good man

Is just a bad man

Who tries his hardest not to act that way

So when you're all alone

You're probably not alone

It might feel like the Earth is against you

If you got nowhere safe to hide

You make it up or you take mine

Because I'm just hiding too


By Malleus,

Morning hours drain the hardest

And I can't even stand up straight

Without wanting to scrape my eyes out

And never put them back in again

I taste blood and tinfoil

As my teeth bite through sweat and ash

And life culminates inside my throat

As I wait for the night to pass

But it never ends and it never stops

I'm left screaming covered in blood

And I'd swear to God if he'd ever listen

I'll make you Atlantis from this flood

I'll make you Atlantis from this flood

I'll make you Atlantis from this flood

I can't promise anything

But I swear to keep your head up above

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I never wanna watch myself die

I'm sorry

I was always the type of kid to keep quiet. I didn't say anything when Bill Whyte knocked me down in third grade and proceeded to not only kick me in the stomach a few times (not counting the "one for the road, loser") and steal all of my recees snacks. Nothing left my lips when I showed up to my first girlfriend's house on my birthday and she was making out with my second cousin, and I sure as hell didn't say anything when I caught my second cousin swapping spit with, get this, my other second cousin. That one was pretty easy to keep quiet about. So why would I say something when, at 5:32 in the morning, my room mate Dwanye knocked me out of bed with the sheer force of his shrill and bumping bass. I felt my head smack the cold floor, and I winced immediately. "Dwanye," I thought to myself, "what the hell?" Propping myself up on an elbow, I scanned my surroundings for the source.

And it was right where I thought it would be. My desk. Lamp shade bright as the sun that was soon to rise, Dwayne was bobbing his head and tapping a pencil to the beat. It's strange; I found myself just staring at him from the ground. Eventually I stood up and continued to stare at the back of his dumb, brown-haried head. I was angry, and it was rising, almost to the point where I felt like I was about to cry lava. Why was this asshole listening to my sound system ridiculously loud in my room? Why couldn't he just use a pair of goddamn headphones like a civilized person? Was he aware of the time? For the first time in my godforsaken, little life I actually felt compelled to complain. "Dwayne," I said, very matter-of-factly, "it's pretty early." He stopped tapping the pencil and did a sluggish move with his hand; waving it around, up and down.

"Amped up, bro, just got off the late shift." The arrogant asshole didn't even turn around. This made me even angrier, and in one of those moments of brilliance we all get, I made a fist and awkwardly shoved it forward into his neck. He turned around, shutting off the music in the process. "What the fuck, bro?" Dwayne said, clearly confused. It was like I was talking to a really uneducated giraffe - he looked big and intimidating but I bet you he couldn't spell the word curriculum. "You're in my room at like 5am, listening to loud music. Get the fuck out of here," I snapped at him, my voice cracking. He looked puzzled, as if he were doing a puzzle. I would say that it'd be difficult, but you know. The curtains in the room started letting in little peeks and cracks of sunlight as the trees were rustling. He laughed and then went back to whatever he was doing. I think he was making rap instrumentals.

"Good one, bro," said Dwayne the Bro, admiring my apparent joke. I didn't know what to make of this so I figured that if I just raised my voice to an abhorrent level that it would excuse my lack of thought. That's basically how society works anyway, right? "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM," I bellowed, so loud that I'm pretty sure I heard the neighbor's dog angrily grunt admist his dreams. Dwayne swiveled around on my goddamn swivel chair and gave me this serious look, as if he were about to analyze a nightmare I had when I was five. "You know I don't have any good speaks in my room, Blair bro, so I'm just using yours. Look, the sun is up. Why don't you go read a book or something?" And with that, the Great Dwayne Bro had spoken and the conversation was finished, he went back to his music.

I was starting to shake at this point. I guess every ounce of dignity and anger I've kept deep, deep inside through the years was beginning to froth out like a 2lt bottle of rabies. By now our appartment was lit by the sun and you could see how clean it was. Our vintage bean bag chairs were fluffed and ripe with beans (or whatever those things are), the hall was as sparkly as you could get old hardwood to sparkle and the shelves and tables and walls had minimal dust and looked pretty damn good. Now for the sake of description purposes, let's say I walked into Dwayne's room. Dwayne's room was like if Mars and Gelos had a child and that child was really fucking messy and rude. Also I know I used two different mythologies, that's how horrible he is. Two nations had to document it. I sunk into the couch, coming down from the high of trying to stand up for yourself, feeling pathetic.

And that's when I saw the baseball bat.

My Little Brother

I remember the summer

I would sit and laugh, forget girl's names

Watch my little brother play video games

And he would always ask for help

Even when he wasn't even stuck

You could see the struggle on his face

Determination in every grip

And the desire to conquer everything

Tucked neatly away like a passenger ship

But soon he's gonna capsize

Fill the funeral home up with lies

Once you lose your guitlessness

You gain guts, nights aren't so brisk

And you remember things so vividly love

You can remember them or give them up

I remember your birthday

Stayed up all night just to surf through names

You watched your uncle play video games

And he never once asked for help

As I found myself feeling stuck

You could see the swagger in his eyes

Hear bored remarks beneath his breath (He said)

"Never think twice on memories from life

Because I bet they were better then"

I want a challenge, I miss feeling afraid

And I hate everything I am today

The past is too bright, if you want you can seize it

It's up to you, you can take or leave it

Because where you go does not depend

On where you start and where you end

It Never Is - lyrics by da Ballad

By Malleus,

HEEEEEYOOOOOO I feel like writing shit before I post lyrics again. This is the first song I've written in a while, like almost a week, which is a ridiculously long break for me. Like, weirdly, unnaturally long. Only reason I'm not writing is because with work and friends and video games, I'm pretty damn busy these days. Which is awesome. This is starting to feel like a regular blog post now, EUGH. Anyway I feel like I'm about to explode with creative juices so get ready blog. This song is really 50s and jammy, fun to groove to. I'm pretty sure I just stole the melody from Heartbreak Hotel honestly but whatever hahaha.

It Never Is

You're the kinda guy who

Only talks down to the people he loves

And finds a new way to never shut up

Even if your head hurts, that boy just won't shut up

You'd think that falling in love would be enough

But no

No it never is

He's awake by six, passed out by four

His secretary left her pride at the door

And if she's got a problem with that well, there's the door

Because you climb the ladder, look up and you want more

But no

No there never is

Family comes first

Because a man's worth

Is measured by the burden of his heart and his hurt

A gentle surprise

When you come to find

All the lies you thought were stars in your lover's eyes

But no

It never is

Pareidolia - lyrics by da Ballad

By Malleus,


I can't move on

I think I now know why

All the songs on your record shelf

Are old and rusted

Nostalgic beyond help

Because when pareidolia

Sneaks its way into your veins

You can't do anything to feel better

You cannot resist the change

I'm infatuated with never knowing if I made it

And I believe that you and me

Turned our backs on a little piece of history

I'll never sleep the same again

Cause I can find romance in the colourless

Shades can morph and blend

It's not so black and white, you can be either or

A dream's still a dead end

I'm infatuated with never knowing if I made it

And I believe it's you and me

I'm infatuated with never knowing if I made it

And I believe that you and me

Buncha lyrics by Ballad

By Malleus,

Are you there Blog? It's me, Michael. And I've got some words for your eyes to soak up.

Paper Bags

I guess

I guess

I guess I'm better off

Learning how not to just talk

But secede and sway with words

To try and minimize the worth



Because if

The words don't wanna stick around

There will be no meaning found

Or reasons to say a loud

What they were

I told you that I would grow closer as we enfolded

Our hearts with paper bags dowsed in liquor and your breath

While your teeth scrape by, your eyes ask why

And I can see them failing

I think you need another friend as we approach the end

And it's me you've been trailing



Now nobody move

Because the words that you use

Or the way your body grooves

Shows things you might keep behind

Closed doors for a sane mind

I guess

I guess

I guess I'm better off


It’s fucking disgusting but I can’t enough and

Every time I open my mouth it’s like shit just spews out

And I need a place where people are blind all the way

So just take me there and I’ll let you stay by my side

Through the night, trust me it’s alright

Yeah, God is here

If you wanna end up alone and depraved

Better be honest cause it’s the best way

To a life filled with regret and realization

That the world is just pathetic and afraid

I’ll bat my eyes, I’ll flick my hair

Take away all of your cares but

You won’t find nothing in here

The first one stole it

The first one broke it

And now it’s never gonna work again

Now I know confidence is really all that matters

Holding myself back to listen to sneers and chatter

That was never there, it was always fair

I’m not a beast I’m one of the best

I’ll hang my head in shame the day

Morals put me to the test

And now for the less douchebaggy songs...

You Should Come Back

We should meet in the air

To float through everything we meant

Lost is a little bit underwhelming

It doesn't even begin

To tell the story of the person I found

When you wouldn't let me in

And if it takes days, months or years

I will try to think outside your box

And even if the smile's ear to ear

It's the only one Chelsea got

I wanna see you again

Take back every word I said

We should be somewhere clean

With nothing there to distract

I should be where your head lays

You should come back

And if the feeling was mutual

Or something far much worse

A love too strong to take a chance on

Something that escapes words

That's just the poet in me

Pride in throat and brush in hand

A landscape fitting for me to rot

Something that's much more grand

You said it doesn't matter if it's always gonna come back

Because denial is what you'd rather have

And I won't lie, it hurts like Hell to know that you don't care

But it's easier for you to breathe pretrending you don't know what's there

Rainy Day Buddha

The unity in a family

The ties, all the strength inside of me

It all seems a bit like sympathy

When you can't see the forest for the trees

I play my part and now I know I know the role

Because it's the only one I will ever know

Trapped under dreams in a peculiar way

I feel like Buddha on a rainy day

It hits me in tiny shakes

Trembles, laughs

And a little pain

It falls before it stands up to sleep

Hard work mixed with faith and belief

Oh, believe in me

The way that words break down when it's anger in your voice

Sound as comfortable as an empty house, the rattle of broken toys

The unity in a family

All the pressure's making sense to me

It seems like the only way to feel free

When you can't see the forest for the trees

And a song I just finished writing, the first in weeks:


I like death and I need violence

I love the idea of dying surrounded by silence

Inject me with promises, beat me with sirens

I know you never wanted this

To play out like it has

You cut me up and pick and choose

The saddest ending that suits you

Because you could never figure out just what to do

You're hiding behind a tough hand

And a paper mask

Dwindle down to the dark and I forget who I even am

And if I'm truly so belittled, why does this blood taste like a man

Fed up with sin and boiled to the brim, I can't contain anger and love

I'm just a mixed up, washed up, saviour hung

There's not enough time to feel young

Monsters are sleeping in the patterns

And I'm busy laughing under ladders

And then the saint in me will shatter

I know I have got to

Pick a side

You told me that I could get over this

You made me break the best promise

That kept me outta trouble for some time

Now I am living out a lie alone

I can't connect to anyone

You kept me outta solitude with a safe mind

I know you never wanted

Any of this

*NOTE BEFORE READING - I just had this thought floating around in my head for a while and decided to write about it. It's not the most organized thing in the world, but it's just my thoughts on the subject. Not trying to be professional or write a 10/10 article or anything.

There is a lot of ways we humans express ourselves, the things that we hold dear to us. Maybe not even the things we hold dear to us. Sometimes we just like to express some shit, you know? Be it clothes, fashion accessories, or little facets of our personality that we choose to present to the world, everybody has something that says who they are. In a world full of sunshine and lollipops, this would be amazing. We would all sing songs and hold hands and appreciate what makes everybody different, all their nuances. Unfortunately that isn't how it is, and instead of using them as a strength, we pick apart our differences and more often than not we use it against each other. One of the biggest offenders - and coincidentally, one of the biggest ways to express yourself - is music. We never stop ragging on each other for the music we listen to. Sometimes we think it's too loud, too soft, or sometimes it's just too gay. That's one I've heard a lot. The music in question for this blog post is pop music, but more specifically the British/Irish boyband One Direction. Now right off the bat let me say that I am not here to fight for the credibility of these artists against your favourite punk rockers - I don't care. I don't care that they don't necessarily write their songs and are managed as if they are less of a band of individuals and more of a way to make money. They are. One Direction came together for the primary purpose of making money, and nobody is going to say otherwise. If you're gonna comment about the ethics of what makes a real band, and GOD DAMNIT IS NIALL EVEN PLAYING THAT GUITAR?!?!, go somewheres else because I do not care.

Now, I'm gonna talk about that first complaint. The fact that maybe One Direction isn't authentic as a lot of artists in this day and age. "It's 2013, music isn't made with computers!!! This is REAL guitar music!!!" Shit, I didn't know you changed the definition of music. Must've missed that memo. Also boybands have been around for a while now and are not new. Anyway, this is only an argument when people are trying to defend One Direction being some weird, authentic thing filled with hidden meaning and emotion. I don't think anybody does that. Maybe their younger fans who don't fully understand the extent of how silly it is that they are trying to make them out to be these saviors of music. But aside from that, most people generally seem to agree that yeah, One Direction aren't really all that unique or authentic, but they're fun musicians. Maybe the ethics behind them isn't totally authentic, but these guys like what they do and can sing pretty well. I have to also contradict myself because the very fact that some people think music needs to be authentic and deep and super personal to not only be considered good, but even qualify just to be called music, is absolutely absurd. I listen to a lot of music where you'd have to think hard about what you're listening to in order to understand it. There is a certain exictement you get when you listen to music and you know you have to work a little to get the most out of the experience, there is a rewarding relationship between musician and listener where you feel fulfilled. It baffles me why people cannot get this same enjoyment out of One Direction, despite it being a totally different progress. Just because the music is simpler, does that make it dumber? Maybe, in a sense. Is dumber a bad thing, especially when it comes to pop music? Not at all.

The massive amounts of hatred that gets thrown towards One Direction simply for being One Direction is ridiculous and disgusting. They're called every insult in the book. A lot of people have no problem with just shrugging them off as a bunch of gay faggots who make gay faggy music. I don't care if you don't like their music, that's fine, but I do care when people go around throwing offensive and baseless accusations at people who have done nothing but A) follow their dreams and B) do nice things for people who enjoy their music. First off, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, but what is so gay about their music? All those lyrics are girls? Or maybe it's just because they're attractive boys, which obviously makes them gay. You know, with them singing about girls and all. Maybe the "gay" stigma comes from the fact that a good portion of their fans, and definitely the most vocal, are female. This has nothing to do with their music, which is why I think it's pretty petty to resort to the mob mentality that if you enjoy something that a lot of girls do, you become a girl. I blogged about My Little Pony a while back, and I bet you're thinking "Wow, this dude watches a show for girls AND listens to One Direction? Pfft, I'm out." That's fine, you can choose to think that is weird all you want. It's sad that nowadays when people express what they enjoy, obnoxiously or not, it's deemed weird if it cuts out of line the slightest. It's also ironic that a lot of people who rag on music like One Direction are fans of music like Green Day, or other punk-related acts, that always talk about individuality and being yourself. Only if you're gonna play a few powerchords and jump around though, nothing else.

The appeal of One Direction to me - a guy who is interested in all kinds of music, sexually attracted to both guys and girls - has nothing to do with the fact that they are attractive young fellas. I've been attracted to guys, and while Harry Styles is probably the sexiest thing to walk the planet since God knows when, I don't sit around drooling over them. I've never "done the deed" to them nor have I ever really thought of them outside of a musical context. I know the very idea of boybands is kind of against this - to market them as personalities and to sexualize them, hopefully luring in girls. But that doesn't mean it's the only thing going on. I enjoy them, as a boyband, because I find it fun to watch them interact. Admittedly I am not a huge goddamned One Direction fan - I don't know everything about them, I've never seen them live, etc. - but I do enjoy them enough to say that I love their music. I like watching the videos they're a part of because it's just good old fun pop music. It's light, and it's positive. I can't exactly say this with a hundred percent certainity, but in the world of less-than-genuine pop stars, it seems to me that the boys in One Direction are hardly anything to get worked up over. It'll never make sense to me why it is more socially acceptable to listen to a man who we know was charged with beating a woman than it is to listen to four happy dudes who just like making people feel good with their music. Not that it should even matter, we should separate artists and their music, but unfortunately it does. At the end of the day, I'm not going to sit around and write pages on the meaning behind Live While We're Young but I'm also not gonna feel ashamed that I can enjoy music with a little bit of digging required and music that is light, fun, and carefree.


To end this post, I'm gonna say that I think that more people need to lay off so many connections between music and people. Just because it is one of the most beautiful connections we can make, it doesn't mean that it's always being made. You can shut off your big boy 2cool4school thinker for a minute and have some fun, and you can also fine personal wealth in any kind of music if you listen right. And if you can't, that's totally fine. Do what works for you, but nobody should feel bad over what music they're listening to, whether it's avant-garde or the newest single from my boys Niall, Louis, Zayn, Liam and The Best One. Sorry. Harry.

"Limelight" - lyrics by Da Ballad

By Malleus,


I guess it's pretty easy to brush off things

Instead of trying to deal with them

Can you sit here with such a pretty face and tell me

Lying's as fun as healing?

Unreasonable demands from both partners

Cancels out any feelings of jealousy or awkward

We're on display, we're hungry and we are chained

But we just sit back because it's just this way

Wind me through your terrible spine

Lace me up and then leave me behind

I've got no regrets, zero remorse

For the way I make you feel

Tell me that you had a good time

Then turn around and tell him a lie

I've got no conscience, there's no room left

For the way I make myself feel

I wanna kill myself

And maybe start again

Because I don't care what happens

As long as it ends

And if it takes me a while

To figure out where I belong

Visit me twice a year

Try and sing me songs

I wanna kill myself

And never start again

Because if you're happy with yourself

Who really needs friends?

And if it takes them a while

To get the coffin just right

Tell them to send it back

And burn me in the limelight

There's no room left for the way I make myself feel

In this limelight, baby who knows what's real?

This is a pretty hopeless song and basically I'm gonna sum it up with the attitude of "fuck it, let's just do it" and what I would probably do if I was trying to rip off The Beatles. This is a very Beatles-inspired song as I've been listening to their love songs all morning.

Let The Record Play

I know that things are harder than they seem

And this has always been too true for me

So I've tried to pick it up and run away

But I find myself lost in the same place

I know that you've got a lot on your plate

And it's easier than dangerous to be safe

But I need you to realize that it's okay

To close your eyes and let the record play

So close your eyes and let the record play

And I'll be wishing you were here someday

Even so you'll be too close to complain

So let's shut up and let the record play

The wind picks up and smack your face

Knocks out all the colour and the taste

And when you turn, I think you hear

My screams of love and screams of fear

Losing sleep and lacking faith

In the distorted truth we made

But I need you to realize that it's okay

To cuddle up and embrace the change

But I need you realize that it's okay

To use our bodies to forget the pain

It's getting harder just to clear your head

And you're wishing it was empty instead

Separate our hearts, let them bleed themselves to death

I know I'll be with you in the end

Could not think of a title so I saved it as Relationship (Save It, Bitch) like from the Eminem song and I guess that's the title now. The song is about feeling like everyone is fake because you are constantly comparing them to someone else, and just the idea of fake/real relationships in general. If I ever did something with this I would probably just call it Relationship or maybe even think of a new title, but for now this one is golden.

Relationship (Save It, Bitch)

There's gotta be something laying underneath

And I'm learning now that the loudest crowds

Are often the thinnest from spreading out

We kept everything to ourselves

And I've always felt at home

Nothing faked, no breath given

To a cause I didn't believe in

I never had to lie or force myself to wanna talk to you

Keep it safe, and keep it hidden

Because honestly who are we kidding?

A connection this good comes along once in a lifetime

Are people really all they're cut out to be?

I hope there's nobody searching for something inside of me

Because I feel like I'm stuck, like I've hit my peak

I'll never find anything of worth in anyone again

Because I know I'm just as empty as them

And I'm learning now that we take for granted

How comfortable the ones we love can make us feel

We kept everything to ourselves

And it always felt so real

Sad song. Same thing. Like it. Or don't. Tell me. Thank you.

"Standing Is Too Hard, But I Will Gladly Curl Up In A Ball By You"

It takes two to feel abandoned, even when it doesn't last

One to heal and move on, one to get stuck in the past

I'm growing up to be the kind of kid that I hate

And yeah you're right, I'm just like them both

Because I gave up and I ran away

But you've gotta remember you broke down on me too

So think about yourself before you say

He's a monster, a fucking criminal

He got close and then he got away

Well maybe he is, and he definitely did

But it's not like she never had a say

She's a monster, a fucking criminal

She fell in love then she climbed out

Well maybe she is but here's one small thing

We never know just how bad we're gonna hurt the ones we love

There's no use pointing fingers when we've both come undone

So if you wanna say you're right and that I never stuck around

I hope you also say the reason why I left clearly out loud

I'm tossing fishes off their hooks, I'm scarfing down the bait

And yeah you're right, I'm just like them both

Because I gave up and I ran away

But if you're still sad then we never left each other

Because I still think about you every day

I KNOW I just posted three songs but god DAMN IT, GDC blog, that is not enough. Here is another one called Imagination I just wrote. It is a very personal song and almost sort of a letter to myself and that girl that you know about if you've read any shitty writing of mine. Anyway, I kind of wrote this like a poem so I am not sure if it all lines up syllable-wise, but whatever. I am particulaly proud of the chorus in this one.


I've been taking away something everyday

And I am finding it easier to fuel these complaints

But I fucking swear to god, Gina

I honestly believe it's the only way

I guess you do too

And I know that I never used your name in a song

Cause it'd embarrass you but now who cares

Cause you're gone

And you know we've been best friends for so long

Cause there was something there but now who cares

Cause it's gone

I couldn't face you again if I even tried

And please believe me when I say that I still haven't cried

Because if image is everything to strangers and foes

Then I'd rather not have the prettiest girls know

That I'm not the machine they think I am

Wake yourself up from whatever dream you've been living

You did a whole lot of taking but you skimped on the giving

And I am never gonna blame someone for love that's not there

Because I know love fucking hurts but at least it's fair

(Because In the end we all go through some pain

And we probably come out the other side just the same

Don't think that anything is forever, even suffering

Don't make the same mistake as me)

I'm not gonna trick myself into thinking

That I'm the only one who feels bad

Because I know you gave me up too

I didn't just give up you

And I know what we had

I guess you do too


A Premonition - This is a breakup song I wrote about a week before I was dumped.

Laugh when it breaks your own neck just to smile

We've burned all our trails from every last mile

There's no more instinct, there's no more feeling

Traded something good in for premature healing

I'm crawling and crying, destroying my insides

I'd throw mine away just to peek inside your mind

See what you're thinking, what it was that I did

That sent you up in arms running back to him

It was probably you, not me, right?

Be quiet, I don't wanna shout

You gave colour and meaning to my life

And then I watched you drain it out

If you hate it then why the fuck did you make it?

And take so goddamned long just to change it?

Tell me where your heart is at, better yet stop ignoring me

I need some closure, just tell me

I can set both of us free

Laugh when it breaks your own neck just to smile

I put up with your shit for such a long while

I would try and just stay friends

But you told me to not pretend

So fuck you, rot in hell, I hate you

Through your bullshit, I see straight through

We'll never talk all night again

I'll never fall asleep in her bed

It's okay, I'm fine

Keep screaming 'til it's not a lie

On Love - A lil song I wrote when I was feeling guilty and alone.

Why do we get so intertwined

With names and faces?

Entangled with our memories

Of certain sights and places

I'm looking at her face

And all I can think about is

How she's your whole world too

And how she has one of her own

Tucked safely beneath us both

I'm crawling out of hope

I'm sinking all alone

You're stuck with the unrequited

That's what they try to tell you

But they never say what happens

If you act on love instead of through

I don't regret meeting you

One single bit but sometimes

I wonder how good I would feel

If I didn't know I never will again

I'm drowning in the same

I'm choking on her name

Surreal - This is about the exact same thing.

I am getting so damn sick

Of having to get back over this

And every time you think you need

Space to change, time to breathe

Because it all just starts anew

You learn me and I learn you

But I hate being second best

With you I will never rest

You have showed me just how terrible it feels

To be alone, left out after getting so close

This kind of sadness tastes surreal

When your world's full of mass appeal

You might break the silence soon

Find less comfort in his living room

But will you still look that way?

You don't have the guts to say

(I'm sorry, but I'm staying with him)

Sometimes love just cracks and falls

Nobody can have it all

Some have it worse, some have it nice

I'm sorry you're the apple of both our eyes

This is probably the most introspective thing I've ever wrote. Bahhh I like it, but if you don't tell me. We'll fight about it.

Colin Singleton

You know, it seemed like I’ve always needed something

A distraction

I’m constantly switching from euphoria to hurting

Now I’m asking

Maybe you were never really the blood in my veins

But just a way to cope

You were always my favourite crutch

And even if everything else was fake

I can’t say the same for the hope

You gave me so much and I threw it all away

Me and you, just two dumb kids

We traded in reality for something better

And even though my heart is broke

I’m still so thankful I met her

I’m not trying to say that what we had never mattered

Because it did

I’m only thinking that maybe I never felt all that in love

Just confusing

Maybe if I just opened my eyes some more

I wouldn’t feel alone

You taught me how to walk

You took my hand and helped me off the floor

Now we need to run away on our own

I’m not angry, I’m not mad at you anymore

I’ve been thinking I’ve been here before

Too much, too many times and for too long

There’s a whole world between

Being real and being wrong

"Extrovert" - lyrics by da Ballad

By Malleus,

This is a song I wrote. I don't really feel like typing up this big intro paragraph and the song speaks for itself. Say something, mean or nice, if you wish!!!


I've been snapping at you all day

18 years spent in this grave

And it's easier to yell and stare

Than it is to explain, I know it's unfair

I can't quite find the right voice

I don't know the words to say

Does anybody else want their money back?

I thought things would turn out differently

My tongue hones in and attacks

I know just what I can be

Separate from the closest to you

Sometimes it feels Iike I fucking have to

And it never gets better, only more dark

From my blue eyes to my bloody heart

It all just comes out as noise

Maybe today's the last day

Friends are temporary

But family is forever

Losing touch with both of them

And I can't tell the difference

I've been posting so much writing on this blog lately it's insane. Insane in the membrane. Oh well, whatever. I just wrote this song. It's kind of a hazy, dream song about love and then at the end it's kind of like you're waking up. I don't know, but here it is. I really like it. Maybe you will too.


See your eyes when I'm awake

Feel your breath when I'm asleep

We can be honest with each other

In and out of our dreams

Tastes like liquid courage

Pouring from your tired mouth

Bottle up every feeling inside

Just so you can let it out

All over me

Under my skin

And when I want to leave

That's when I start to believe

Catapult like coroners

Hungry for the best report

We are homely, lonely hearts

Tripping up door to door

I can picture your face

Inside my spinning head

I see two eyes, one nose and a mouth

I can still hear the words you said

All about me

Told me everything

And when you want to see

That's when I will leave

That's when I will leave

That's when I will leave

Maybe you will believe

That's when I will leave

"Back Up" - lyrics by da Ballad

By Malleus,

I've been posting a lot of lyrics on this blog lately. I am going to do that more often! I might actually even write something on this blog, like a big rant or something, in the next couple of weeks. Anyway, I just wrote this song called Back Up and I like it so I'll post it here. As usual you can comment on it with anything you like or dislike, I'd be happy to read them! I hope you enjoy it though.

Back Up

I really want to throw up

Bleed out my insides

Through my blue eyes

Give up and move on

I have never been enough

To keep me going steady

And she don't really want me

Boring sex to say so long

I'm surprised she put up with me for so long

I could probably do better

I've got a pretty face

Not too used to one place

Give up and move on

I don't really wanna forget

Even though it really hurts

I really wanna just be hers

Friends forever off and on

I'm surprised she put up with me for so long

I've been blaming myself for all the things that are outta my control

I've been feeling bad for being too nice when it's all I've ever known

And I know I'm not really a pushover, it's more like I kinda fell

Just takes one look into my sorry eyes and you can tell

I wanna get back up, feel better, and get out of this

But first I need to know if I take off, what it is you're gonna miss

What is it you're gonna miss?

The darkest thoughts

Often with shades of remorse

Come out like a blunted force

Serenade this swan song

I'm surprised I've put up with her for so long

For so long

"Pushover" - lyrics by da Ballad

By Malleus,

So here is a song called Pushover that I just wrote in literally like 3 minutes. I just pounded these lyrics out, so looking at them is still a bit fresh and wet, but I'll post them anyway. It's about, big surprise here, being a pushover, specifically about a girl. Blegh. Nice guys finish last right?? Friend zone??? Just kidding, but yeah. Comment if you like!!


Sometimes I think I've got you underneath my tongue

Doesn't matter when you're replaced by anyone

With a clear heart, and a conscience made of compliments

I'm not a victim of my own bad luck, I'm running it

It hurts to think that we can be so blind

While convincing ourselves we're just fine

Sometimes I think that I just mask the pain

I can't deal with anything, I just hide away

I just wish that I could give up and go

Somewhere different where I'll be on my own

And let people fall through the cracks they make themselves

You don't really care and I'm too bored

Most valuable player with no awards

And I guess being nice is the problem because it sure as hell doesn't help

Maybe I've been so focused on everyone else

That I couldn't see I've been ignoring myself

Am I really happy? What does she mean to me?

Am I frustrated? What does she really wanna be?

It's not that I'm too weak

I just don't know what to lift up

It's not that she's too nice

She just knows it's not enough

Here are some lyrics I wrote this evening about jealousy and feeling alone. Blah.


The dark nights and the cold snow

Blend together behind the window

And I'm left to contemplate

The meaning of being alone

The weather warms and the trees grow

And when the sun comes out I know

That things will get better

It's just getting harder to show

Wipe me off of your face

Let me fall asleep please

What do I want from it and what do I get?

How the fuck does it always leave me this upset?

But I crave it every time because isolation's all mine

I'm not good at sharing the things closest to me

It's funny how you can be completely by yourself

And still feel anything but free

I'd rather be dead than have to defend

Why I honestly feel like such a bad friend

Because I don't know where this starts

I just know it doesn't end

I just wanna shut it off

Let me fall asleep please

Hi GDC. I wrote this song the other day because I was feeling a lot of emotions. Mostly just bitterness, but a few other things as well I suppose. As usual I'm posting it on my blog just because. So yeah, comment if you wish! Hope you enjoy.

Kiss Them Goodbye, Throw Them Head First

Lie to your friends because you wish that they weren’t

But you can’t pick who you love on this big blue Earth

Some try to tell you can, well believe me they’re full of shit

And if you break me down, don’t expect me to fucking fix it

Cower away because the snow shines way too bright

Live like you’re dying and you’ve always hated life

Because trust me, it’s a win or lose, feeling sad or feeling happy

Even though I’m burnt inside, I still appreciate the memories

I’m always caught off guard (woah oh)

I’m feeling like a shark (woah oh)

Tangled in a net, trapped around the neck

Unable to breathe but just dying to leave

And I wanna take you with me (woah oh)

But you belong to the sea (woah oh)

Woah oh

Oh no

Throw a party, but don’t hide the expensive vases or clocks

So for once in my stupid life I’ll know when I should stop

I take things too far, I always bring ‘em where they don’t wanna go

And please don’t ask me my secret cause trust me, I don’t know

Get in the bath but don’t slit your wrists, that’s not you

You’re too angry and pretty to die like that so soon

And I know you’re mad, yeah you probably hate me right now

But we all feel like this sometimes, so stupid and so loud

Measure your words, find the ones that hurt

Kiss them goodbye throw them head first

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