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Eva's Blog

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About this blog

my lyrics, probably

Entries in this blog

I can't wait for you to

Break me apart

Break my heart

I want you to

Break my heart

Lead me on, I keep dragging around

All my thoughts, kept down underground

Look at me with your beautiful eyes

I can't wait until you realize

I'm a mentally unstable and emotional prick

Tearing down everybody brick by brick

I chase after girls but I can never gain

Any ground because I just love the pain

I can't wait for you to

Break me apart

Break my heart

I want you to

Break my heart

Break my heart

Break me apart

I want you to

Break my heart

There's nothing I love more than dragging around

All the baggage that I should have put down

Scaring girls who get too close to me

Stinging, bleeding, throw away the key

I can't wait for you to

Break me apart

Break my heart

I want you to

Break my heart

I want you, I don't want to

I love you, and I hate you

So break my heart

So break my heart

I love you and I, I hate you

So just break my heart

Nothing hurts like a broken heart

Except for poison or when I crashed my car

Every time you look me in the eye

I know I might as well just say goodbye

Please just punch me in the face (I love you)

I need to get to a better place (I love you)

Please give me a kick to the head (I love you)

God was right and I am better off dead

You can bury me here underground

Your voice burns deep but I love the sound

Every time you even look my way

I know I might as well just run away

Please just punch me in the face (I love you)

I need to get to a better place (I love you)

Please give me a kick to the head (I love you)

Please just punch me in the face (I love you)

I need to get to a better place (I love you)

Please give me a kick to the head (I love you)

God was right and I am better off dead

Better off dead, better off dead

Punch me, you know, I am better off dead

A kick to the head, I am better off dead

Better off dead in a different place

Please punch me in the face

Floating down to Earth

A diamond in the coal

Illuminate the stars

I'll carry you back home

Lanterns in the dark

Dirt and rocks above

Buried in my heart

Higher than the doves

Come now, follow me

To the place where we can be

Lords of all we've ever seen

I'll be the king, you are the queen

Come now, don't be shy

Take me to the castle in the sky

Pirates of outer space

Motorized pink and blue

Angels in a hurricane

Materialize some day soon

Covered in the little plants

Broken beyond repair

A friend to the useless things

Waiting in heated air

Come now, follow me

To the place where we can be

Lords of all we've ever seen

I'll be the king, you are my queen

Come now, don't be shy

Take me to the castle in the sky

Greediness and scary things

Exploding against our needs

Swinging from the tips of trees

You and I should not be seen

So come now, follow me

To the place where we can be

Lords of all we've ever seen

I'll be the king, you are my queen

Come now, don't be shy

Take me to the castle in the sky

Take me to the castle in the sky

Take me to the castle in the sky

I get my kicks from the way you walk

But it's okay because you can mock my talk

With powder on your mouth, you've been eating chalk

Ticking like a bomb and a broken clock

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

He's looking for you, he's looking for you to come down

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

The devil is in love, the devil is in love with your hell

I tell myself that it was all a lie

You were a kid from another place and time

And you can beg on your knees like you did inside

After you fell from grace and all the angels died

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

He's looking for you, he's looking for you to come down

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

The devil is in love, the devil is in love with your hell

I get my kicks from the way you walk

But it's okay because you can mock my talk

With love on my face like a loyal dog

You blew like a bomb and I died from shock

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

He's looking for you, he's looking for you to come down

I've always been in love, I've always been in love by myself

God, I am in love, oh, am I in love with your hell

If I was somebody else for a day

I doubt someone would ever notice the change

Beat me down and don't apologize

Don't even know how to look in my eyes

Social butterfly in dirty shoes and a wallflower for spoken abuse

Transparency and coffee stains while I shower in muddy disdain

Apologies for causing such a mess

The queen of love and total hopelessness

Nobody knows my favorite song

If they did they couldn't sing along

Yet I know everyone else's pain

All their friends are snorting cocaine

Yeah I know everyone else is in love

And so am I but you'd never know

'Cause here when you're pitiful

But when you're fine I'm just invisible

Social butterfly in dirty shoes and a wallflower for spoken abuse

Transparency and coffee stains while I shower in muddy disdain

Apologies for causing such a mess

The queen of love and total hopelessness

Social butterfly in dirty shoes and a wallflower for spoken abuse

Transparency and coffee stains while I shower in muddy disdain

Apologies for causing such a mess

The queen of love and total hopelessness

This isn't a song or anything to do with music like all my other blog posts but this is a very important personal post and it would mean a lot to me if you all would stick with me for a minute.

Earlier today, I was rummaging through my old journals, cleaning stuff out and looking for a blank one I could use as a sketchbook. While flipping through a few, I ended up reading some of my older entries, which, it turns out, are incredibly disturbing and unsettling.

These journals were ones I wrote in while I was in middle school and a freshman in high school. When I was 13, my mother left my now ex step-dad and I went with her. My step-dad had been abusive. He favored my sister and my mother was never home, and as a result, I hated him, I hated my sister, I hated my mom for being absent, and I even hated my grandparents because I associated them with the rest of my already despised family. My dad was dead and I hated him for being dead. I was coming to terms with my sexuality and it was terrifying. I was outed by people constantly and I was completely incapable of standing up for myself. I used humor as a defensive mechanism but instead of helping me out, it turned me into the class clown and I felt restricted, like I was unable of being taken seriously or even having legitimate feelings because I was supposed to be the funny one, the one that made other people feel better when they needed a laugh. I hated myself and I secretly hated everyone and everything around me. At the time when I used these journals, I was so depressed, so unstable, so suicidal, and so so so so so so angry that thinking about it now makes me feel like throwing up.

While things might have been bad then, though, it is absolutely incredible thinking about who I am now. I'm sitting in my room crying on a Tuesday night because a few years ago, I never thought I'd make it to adulthood but here I am, eight months away from 18, a year away from high school graduation, with dreams and plans and goals for the future and a solid, healthy relationship with my family that I never thought I could have, and more supportive, kick ass, amazing friends than I could ever deserve.

The reason I wanted to post this though is because I, honest to God, want to thank everyone on GDC who has ever shown me kindness, given me advice, sent me a PM, or even read my posts at all. That rough period was also the period of time when I most active on this website. You were all such a huge part of my life and many of you became my role models, whether you know it or not, and inspired me to keep pushing on and to not give up. You guys were here when I needed help or a friend or a distraction from what was happening in my life and I don't think I can express how much it means to me that you all made time for me and supported me just because you wanted to.

I truly believe that many of you were a big part in helping me get to where I am today. I have absolutely no idea what happened but I am so glad and so, so incredibly blessed that I am still here today. Thank you so much.

Am I sick or am I getting lazy?

Is the truth buried in your lies?

Why is the future getting hazy?

I can't see anything in sight

Is it harsh or am I getting older?

And my heart really starts to ache

Is it fair that we're getting colder?

I don't want to be filled with hate

And I don't want to grow up

And I don't want to fall down

I'm giving everything up

And I am burning this town

I'm just a kid and I don't want to be alone

I'm just a kid and I don't want to go home

I'm just a loser and I don't want to be here

I'm just a loser and I don't know how to care

Is it dumb or is it a decision?

I don't really know where to start

I lost my heart when you made the incision

And now my life is going to fall apart

And I don't want to grow up

And I don't want to fall down

I'm giving everything up

And I am burning this town

I'm just a kid and I don't want to be alone

I'm just a kid and I don't want to go home

I'm just a loser and I don't want to be here

I'm just a loser and I don't know how to care

I lost myself at growing up

Everything sucks and I think I fucked up

I can't pay for anything in the end

And I think I annoy all of my best friends

And I don't want to grow up

And I don't want to fall down

I'm giving everything up

And I am burning this town

I'm just a kid and I don't want to be alone

I'm just a kid and I don't want to go home

I'm just a loser and I don't want to be here

I'm just a loser and I don't know how to care

The grass is greener on the south side

Everything is hidden in plain sight

Better look out, they're gonna shoot you down

These cop kids ain't gonna mess around

Newark, New Jersey

Newark, New Jersey

I don't wanna be in

Newark, New Jersey, oh

The water's colder on the north side

Everybody looks like they're on a ride

Better look up, they're gonna wear their crown

Security is gonna beat you down

Newark, New Jersey

Newark, New Jersey

I don't wanna be in

Newark, New Jersey, oh

Don't want to be here

Don't want to be there

Don't want to go home

Don't want to be left to roam

Newark, New Jersey

Newark, New Jersey

I don't wanna be in

Newark, New Jersey, no

"The Drug" (lyrics)

By Eva,

She's acting weird and I'm acting paranoid

I stumble and fall right back into the void

She's acting weird and I'm acting paranoid, paranoid, paranoid

I'm not myself

When I see her with someone else

And I hate myself

She'd be better off with someone else

I feel like shit

You're the drug that I can't quit

You're such a bitch

Crawling where I cannot itch

And I go insane

Every time you're in my veins

And I hate these trips

But you're the drug that I can't quit

I'm an abyss

A place for the things you miss

And she is in bliss

A place for what's worth it

I feel like shit

You're the drug that I can't quit

You're such a bitch

Crawling where I cannot itch

And I go insane

Every time in you're in my veins

And I hate these trips

But you're the drug that I can't quit

Laughing like you love me

Turning so you don't see

Everything that's broke me

Everything that's choked me

Falling over, deathly

Aching, taking breath, see

Everything is dying, dying, dying

And I feel like shit

You're the drug that I can't quit

You're such a bitch

Crawling where I cannot itch

And I go insane

Every time you're in my veins

And I hate these trips

But you're the drug that I can't quit

I found a picture that I took of you

It's been two years since I have heard from you

Two years later and thirty-nine days

Is what it took to take it all away

And I am feeling so much better

After getting oh, oh, over you

I'm glad that I gave you roses

I hope that the thorns don't hurt too much

And I'm happy if he proposes

There's nothing that I miss about your touch

I'm glad that you gave me daisies

And I made it without any small scratch

I'm happy that it's getting hazy

There's nothing left now to hold me back

I wonder if you found a picture of me

It's been two years since you have thought of me

Two more later and a couple of flings

Are what it took to remember me

And I wonder if you're feeling sorry

After breaking it off, off, off with me

But I am feeling so much better

After getting oh, oh, over you

I'm glad that I gave you roses

I hope that the thorns don't hurt too much

And I'm happy if he proposes

There's nothing that I miss about your touch

I'm glad that you gave me daisies

And I made it without any small scratch

I'm happy that it's getting hazy

There's nothing left now to hold me back

How does it feel

Knowing that we have both moved on

How does it feel

Knowing that I am long gone

How does it feel

Knowing there's no second chance

How does it feel

Knowing that I am not your back

Up again

I'm glad that I gave you roses

I hope that the thorns don't hurt too much

And I'm happy if he proposes

There's nothing that I miss about your touch

I'm glad that you gave me daisies

And I made it without any small scratch

I'm happy that it's getting hazy

There's nothing you could do to take me back

She wakes up in the evening every night

Before she gets up for the day

She calls her mother on the phone

And then she runs away

I didn't see her Friday night

She must have left today

She said the timing's never right

It's why she went astray

If I could give everything to you

It would't matter anyway

If I could give all I could to you

It wouldn't make you stay

If I could give everything to you

You wouldn't take it anyway

If I could give all I could to you

It wouldn't be the same

She woke up that morning, Sunday night

That's when she felt okay

She called her father on the phone

Before he drove away

I almost saw her Monday night

She must have turned away

I know the timing's never right

I'm chasing her today

If I could give everything to you

It wouldn't matter anyway

If I could give all I could to you

It wouldn't make you stay

If I could give everything to you

You wouldn't take it anyway

If I could give all I could to you

It wouldn't be the same

She woke up in the evening Friday night

And she went out for the day

I called her number on the phone

But I didn't know what to say

I got to see her Friday night

But it all ends up the same

She thinks the timing's never right

So I should turn away

But if I could everything to you

It wouldn't matter anyway

And if I gave all I could to you

It wouldn't make you stay

If I could give everything to you

You wouldn't take it anyway

If I could give all I could to you

We wouldn't be the same

Another spin around the rumor mill

Another carnival ride of thrills

Dirty graffiti on bathroom stalls

Dirty looks in shopping malls

When they expect me to take her hand

When she expects me to take a stand

The whispers keep on existing

The whispers keep on resisting

Nothing goes my way

I've got something to say

That girl is not my girlfriend

If anything, I'm not worth it

That girl is not my girlfriend

Even though she and I would be perfect

That girl, that girl, that girl

That girl is not my girlfriend

They twist our words into something else

They twist our words into loving lilts

As the rumor mill still spin

As the carnival ride begins

Again, the whispers are drifting in

Again the walls are wearing thin

Nothing goes my way

I've got something to say

That girl is not my girlfriend

If anything, I'm not worth it

That girl is not my girlfriend

Even though she and I would be perfect

That girl, that girl, that girl

That girl is not my girlfriend

I'm getting dizzy

She's getting dizzy

I'm getting tricky

She's getting picky because

That girl is not my girlfriend

If anything, I'm not worth it

That girl is not my girlfriend

Even though she and I would be perfect

That girl, that girl, that girl

That girl is not my girlfriend

Maybe we are the satellites

We can't be the only ones in the universe

Aliens are in control

Aliens are in control

Astronauts eating in space

Meteors spinning in 3D

The universe is a hologram

The universe is a hologram

Nothing is impossible

The universe isn't real

And we are a province

With a weakness in how we feel

We are existential

At least we believe this is so

And we have potential

Until compared with ones unknown

Maybe we are already dead

So we just believe in meaning

Aliens have landed

Aliens have landed

Spaceships behind the moon

Where we faked the landing

The universe will end

The universe will end

Nothing is impossible

The universe isn't real

And we are a province

With a weakness in how we feel

We are existential

At least we believe this is so

And we have potential

Until compared with ones unknown

Aliens will save us

Aliens have landed

Aliens will save us

Aliens have landed

Aliens have landed

Aliens have landed

"Crutch" (lyrics)

By Eva,

Everybody's asking too much

I'm out of luck, they're out of touch

And I'm stuck in the same old mess

When everyone else is in a rut

And they can't pick themselves up

I'm the cure for their dependence

And their clingy loneliness

I don't want to be your crutch

You have to dig yourself up

You can't lean on me

I have a better place to be

I'm not your superhero

You dragged yourself down to zero

I'd rather be your kryptonite

Than be at every beck and call

'Cause I want you to trip and fall

So I can get some sleep tonight

And I don't care if you're alright

I don't want to be your crutch

You have to dig yourself up

You can't lean on me

I have a better place to be

Please don't lean on me

The weight is too heavy

I don't know how to care

I don't really want to care

I don't want to be your crutch

You're asking way too much

I don't want to be your crutch

I don't care about your rut

I don't want to be your crutch

You have to dig yourself up

You can't lean on me

I have a better place to be

So why don't you leave me alone

"Maelstrom" (lyrics)

By Eva,

One and two and three and four

She's killed at dawn, the filthy whore

Five and six and seven and eight

Captured in barbaric crates

Piece by piece they'll all fall down

You're the first one to hit the ground

Knock knock, what's that sound?

The sound of the advancing hounds

Marching in, one by one

The saints in power become undone

Equal steps at equal pace

Forming a demonic face

The tower's high, the clock strikes ten

He tells you to begin again

Run it back and have no fear

The shells of demons cry no tears

The future's bleak, the sky is dim

There's no point so just give in

To the one who gives you the black bruise

And the physical, mental abuse

Marching in, one by one

The saints in power become undone

Equal steps at equal pace

Forming a demonic face

The tower's high, the clock strikes ten

He tells you to begin again

Run it back and have no fear

The shells of demons cry no tears

The sky is falling down

There is no help around

You will surely drown

If you can hear that sound

Marching in, one by one

The saints in power become undone

Equal steps at equal pace

Forming a demonic face

The tower's high, the clock strikes ten

He tells you to begin again

Run it back and have no fear

The shells of demons cry no tears

"Loser" (lyrics)

By Eva,

No hope for me, you know

I'm in second

In every race I run

Never winning

The girls at the finish line

Never finish

When it comes to me

Twenty-two seconds

Left until high school

Graduation

Which I'll miss because of

Further complications

That I caused by failing

All examinations

So all that's left is self

Medication

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser, oh

I'm a loser

Everyone knows that my

Friends are leaving

For college or something else

If you'll believe it

But I'm sitting in my bedroom

Eating Cheez-Its

And I don't think that I will

Ever leave it to

Go out and do something

Exploration

When my parents just left me

For vacation

And I get the whole house for

Occupation

It's three days by myself

No conversation

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser, oh

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser

I'm a loser, oh

I'm a loser

No hope for me, you know

I'm a loser

In every race I run

I'm a loser

The girls at the finish line

Think I'm a loser

When it comes to me

Yeah, I'm a loser

It's been every day for the past three weeks

Hey, what's up, want to go out to eat

What does it take for you to leave me alone

'Cause I'm sick and tired of talking on the phone

I feel like we're chained and it's all a mess

'Cause I don't like boys or the clinginess

And I don't know what the hell to do

God knows, you can't take clues

Why won't you stop calling me

I don't want to talk to you

And please please please stop finding me

I don't want to talk to you

You're a mess and so am I

I don't want to be a waste of time

There is nothing to say or do

Don't you see

I don't want to talk to you

All my friends think you're such a creep

You appear every time I blink

What does it take for you to go away

Why do you think that this is all okay

I feel suffocated and it's not alright

I want you somewhere that's out of sight

At least five minutes if that's all I get

'Cause God knows I need the rest

Why won't you stop calling me

I don't want to talk to you

And please please please stop finding me

I don't want to talk to you

You're a mess and so am I

I don't want to be a waste of time

There is nothing to say or do

Don't you see

I don't want to talk to you

Police brutality

Police brutality

It's a war

Police brutality

Police brutality

Don't want no more

Hit you on the head

Kick you when you're dead

Marching funeral

In matching uniforms

Like mom and dad

When you do something bad

Send you to bed

With a crack in your head

Police brutality

Police brutality

It's a war

Police brutality

Police brutality

Don't want no more

Red white and blue

Don't always hold true

No stars and stripes

'Cause you ain't got no rights

Military tanks

Better give thanks

'Cause they protect you

But it's the last thing they do

Police brutality

Police brutality

It's a war

Police brutality

Police brutality

Don't want no more

--------------------------------------------

inspired by ferguson

fun fact: this song is actually about high school

Stop chipping away at the painted walls

Start running through all the watched halls

Keep moving as quickly as you can

Make sure you slow for the pep band

Hit rewind

Keep running

Through the jail cells

And the marching

Don't stop for

Anything

But the cool cats

And spring flings

It's a mountain

It's a journey

You're a loser

But you're learning

In the jail cells

You keep singing

Are you losing

Or winning

Stop chipping away at the painted walls

Start running through all the watched halls

Keep moving as quickly as you can

Make sure you slow for the pep band

Hit replay

Keep going

Through the long fight

The journey

It's a struggle

You're slipping

Is it worth it

You're failing

It's a valley

A straight shot

Use everything

You've got

To get through

The jail cells

You're a long way

From hell

Stop chipping away at the painted walls

Start running through all the watched halls

Keep moving as quickly as you can

Make sure you slow for the pep band

I was invited to a birthday party

But was forgotten at the after party

When everyone else goes to see a movie

They kick me out 'cause I'm still the newbie

I feel I'm not fitting in

Or I missed something along the way

I don't know how to win

At anything except my video games

Why are all my friends

Better friends with someone else

Why am I

Always left all by myself when

All my friends

Are hanging out at that kid's house

Why am I

The only one who feels left out

We played our first show today

And I didn't hear any of them say

They'd show up at the football game

Once again none of my friends came

I feel I'm not fitting in

Or I pissed God off in some dumb way

I don't know how to win

At anything except easy video games

Why are all my friends

Better friends with someone else

Why am I

Always left all by myself when

All my friends

Are hanging out at that kid's house

Why am I

The only one who feels left out

Maybe I care too much

But people used to say I didn't care enough

Maybe I should just shut up

'Cause all I get is rotten luck

Why are all my friends

Better friends with someone else

Why am I

Always left all by myself when

All my friends

Are hanging out at that kid's house

Why am I

The only one who feels left out

There's a devil on my shoulder

Getting loud as I'm getting older

There's an angel on my shoulder

Getting soft as I'm getting colder

There's a monster in my closet

And it's dying and forgotten

There's a face in the comet

But it's gone and it's forgotten

Everything it dies

And we all start to panic

Full of raging lies

As we all turn mechanic

There is a void

And it used to be okay

But it was destroyed

Now there's nothing there but pain

There's a ball and chain

That I used to call my home

Now it's full of acid rain

And nothing there will grow

There's a devil on my shoulder

Getting loud as I'm getting older

There's an angel on my shoulder

Getting soft as I'm getting colder

There's a monster in my closet

And it's dying and forgotten

There's a face in the comet

But it's gone and it's forgotten

Nothing ever lives

In a destructive planet

No one ever says

That they know how it happened

Where did it go

In the century before

Well no one seems to know

But it appeared to be ignored

There's a ball and chain

That I used to call my love

Now she drowned in acid rain

And there's no one here but one

There's a devil on my shoulder

Getting loud as I'm getting older

There's an angel on my shoulder

Getting soft as I'm getting colder

There's a monster in my closet

And it's dying and forgotten

There's a face in the comet

But it's gone and it's forgotten

There's a ball and chain

That I used to call my home

Now it's full of acid rain

And nothing there will grow

There's a ball and chain

That I used to call my love

Now she drowned in acid rain

And there's no one here but one

I don't think about it

Until the summertime

I cannot forget it

Once it enters my mind

The thoughts and revelations

About how things could be

And the failed expectations

I could never see

Now I'm sitting, wondering

About what might have been

For the millionth time tonight

As I sit and think of him

Sixteen years ago this time

Sixteen years since he has died

I do not remember him

Until it is the summertime

She always thinks about it

Every night of every week

She feels so lost without him

I always turned the other cheek

Now I feel lost as well

Every time I think of him

Thought it may be just as well

I do not remember when

Now I'm sitting, wondering

About what might have been

For the millionth time tonight

As I sit and think of him

Sixteen years ago this time

Sixteen years since he has died

I do not remember him

Until it is the summertime

So now I'm always wondering

About what might have been

And for the millionth time tonight

I sit and I think of him

Sixteen years ago this time

Sixteen years since he has died

I do not remember him

Until it is the summertime

"Shout" (lyrics)

By Eva,

I can't tell if I'm losing my mind

Or if everyone else is going crazy

I never learned to keep track of time

Which might explain why I'm so God damn lazy

I don't want to go home

I'd rather be left alone

I don't want to go out

It makes me want to fucking shout

I can't tell if I'm losing my edge

Or if everyone else is just annoying

I never learned to play well with kids

Which might explain why I'm so God damn lonely

I can't tell if I'm losing my grip

Or if everyone else is slowly slipping

I never learned to get over shit

Which might explain why I'm so God damn angry

I don't want to go home

I'd rather be left alone

I don't want to go out

It makes me want to fucking shout

I'm getting bored in this town

When there's nothing here around

I just wanted to be found

But I want to be left alone

I don't want to go home

I'd rather be left alone

I don't want to go out

It makes me want to fucking shout

I don't want to go home

I'd rather be left alone

I don't want to go out

It makes me want to fucking shout

I can't tell if I'm losing my grip

Or if everyone else is slowly slipping

I never learned to get over shit

Which might explain why I'm so God damn angry

It's not supposed to be so complicated

We were supposed to be situated

It wasn't going to be fabricated

It was all left decimated

It was supposed to be a chance of a lifetime

Now I'm not able to walk in a straight line

You took everything that I called mine

You broke it all and you took your time

You tore the family apart

You left me broken and charred

You ripped out my little heart

You tore my life apart

You put me in the dark

You left me broken and charred

You didn't do your part

You tore my life apart

I'm not supposed to be so full of hate

I'm not supposed to ever feel this way

And all my friends they don't want to say

That I was better in the early days

I'm not supposed to be so full of shit

But I'm over but never over it

I'm not supposed to always want to quit

But I don't know how to deal with it

So thanks for your time

I'm taking back what's mine

So thanks for your time

I'm taking back what's mine

So thanks for your time

I'm taking back what's mine

So thanks for your time

I'm going to win this time

You tore the family apart

You left me broken and charred

You ripped out my little heart

You tore my life apart

You put me in the dark

You left me broken and charred

You didn't do your part

You tore my life apart

So thanks for your time

I'm taking back what's mine

"Sick" (lyrics)

By Eva,

He's in the doorway

I don't have anywhere to go

He's coming toward me

I'm backing up, I don't want to know

He won't leave me alone

God bless my soul tonight

There's nowhere to go

And only God knows, I'm not alright

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

I'm sick of his shit

I'm sick of being told to put up with it

I'm sick of the feeling

I'm sick of my head, always reeling

I'm sick of the horror

I'm sick of all the nighttime terrors

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

He's coming closer

I just want to get far away

I'm going nowhere

Nobody knows I'm not okay

He's always smiling

'Cause he knows I don't want to be here

I'm always crying

Always, completely, full of fear

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

I'm sick of his shit

I'm sick of being told to put up with it

I'm sick of the feeling

I'm sick of my head, always reeling

I'm sick of the horror

I'm sick of all the nighttime terrors

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

I don't want to remember

I don't want to forget

Why does this happen

I'm so full of regret

I don't want to exist

I don't want to die

Why does this happen

Every single time

I don't feel human

I don't feel like I belong

Why does this happen

Did I do something wrong

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

I'm sick of his shit

I'm sick of being told to put up with it

I'm sick of the feeling

I'm sick of my head, always reeling

I'm sick of the horror

I'm sick of all the nighttime terrors

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used

I'm sick of abuse

I'm sick of always feeling used