Our community blogs
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
I'm very excited to announce that @kaylubd has been promoted to GDA Staff!
They'll be joining us to help bring some life back to GDA and keep the site updated with Green Day related news for the fans!
I know you'll never read this.
It seems pathetic to be back in the same place, feeling the same things. A lot has changed, and yet so much has remained the same. And a lot has led me back to this place, once again.
I took a job with a youth group this summer. The job provided an opportunity to work with youth away from the nepotism and delegation of the Y. But I didn't choose this program for that sole reason.
I chose this program because it would require me to be back here for a week. Here. I think I did it to test myself, to see how far I've come. To gloat in the face of my own shortcomings and failures. And so far, I have failed that test.
At every turn I've faced a different challenge. Empty benches and buildings are filled with a vivid swirl of memories and feelings that evoke a time when things seemed better. Things that I've since forgotten, or at the very least put in the back of my mind. Away from reality.
My reality has been good to me. I lost a lot of weight. Bought a lot of new clothes. Traded in my depression fueled taste of overpriced running shoes for button ups and neat pants. I had a successful year student teaching, and was the only one in my cohort to be hired to their district. I loved my work, though it was hard. I earned my masters, and made new friends as I did it. I'm going to be teaching geography and history in my community and make real money for the first time in my life. I'm proud of myself and everything that I've accomplished.
But through all that, I have yet to heal. I have healed some, but not enough.
I think I've spent the last two years looking for some great catharsis. Something that will come and give me the closure that I've sought for a long time now. This process -- this test -- has emphasized to me what I've known for a long time. There is no catharsis. My closure will come once I've learned to forgive myself for the misgivings that created this hole in the first place.
It's hard for me to admit when I'm wrong. That's true for the both of us. But between my initial desperation; the long nights spent lying awake, replaying everything back and forth and back again, and my initial resentment of you and your motives, I've come to the grand conclusion that I fucked up. In so many ways. You already know that, and I already knew that. I made excuses, and tried to blame you for them. Circumstances. To convince myself of an injustice, and validate my desperation. There are three sides to the truth, and now its time to acknowledge them. It's been time.
I'm sorry that I ever took you for granted.
I'm sorry that I allowed my insecurities to question the gift that you generously placed upon me.
I'm sorry that I didn't speak, or hold myself accountable. That I didn't seek help sooner. That I didn't address my toxicity in a real way. That I didn't recognize your pain sooner.
I made mistakes, many of which I will never forgive myself for.
I hope that you've moved forward, and done the things that you always wanted to do. I hope that you can read something like this and bask in the glow of knowing that you were right. Or at the very least smirk at the pathetic insistence that I continue to purport. You earned that much.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and be better. To learn from my mistakes and grow into the person that I want to be, for myself and for others. To accept those mistakes that deserve acceptance and address though which deserve action. To love myself in the way that you loved me.
I came to this place expecting closure, but instead I found that closure is built overtime. I hope that this is the beginning -- or the middle? -- of that process. I accept that a part of me, perhaps the most childlike in love, will always belong to you. But its time. It has been for a long while.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Californian band Green Day hit prominence with a shudder in 2004 when they released the tour de force American Idiot. The snotty nosed personas were wiped clean and maturity was installed making Green Day a band to consider taking seriously once again. In their heyday smoking cannabis and writing songs about sexual frustrations, Green Day pummelled the status quo, crafting tracks which had the three chord structure but intelligently weaved lyrics.
The style was dishevelled but compelling. And with their 1994 major label breakthrough album Dookie declaring the band from a mundane part of Berkeley kings of punk, a new chapter was written. Green Day would go on to sell more than ten million copies of Dookie, certifying them as the new frontrunners of 90s music.
It was extraordinary for a band of their nature to become colossal. Fronted by the ever flamboyant Billie Joe Armstrong, they began to excel and play out their hearts on the punk circuit, shredding the rule book and maximising their potential. A new craze was born, a wave of songs describing the mundanity of suburban life nestled perfectly into the CD players of the people who chose to listen.
In 2004, Green Day were a band on the side lines looking on at the ash of the past. They had to do something to create a buzz. In came their masterpiece American Idiot to steady the decline. The album is to this day, is a political rock opera, providing a story for dreamers and the alienated. It also took aim at the president and his catastrophic ‘’decisions’’.
American Idiot is pivotal album and has become a classic for the alienated, the freaks and the people who walk aimlessly carrying bottles of liquor and dreaming of better days. Throughout the record, there is a bloodline, a backbone, a chronicle all expressed from the mind of Armstrong. His lyrics have always been intelligent, but on the most discerning opus, he wrote strands of political poetry, words of venom.
These venomous lines all interlinked and spurred on a fable of mass examination of the most powerful country in the world. Green Day knew they had designed an album which was controversial and against the grain. But they had to do something extraordinary as previous record Warning didn’t inspire. It did have two or three moments of class, but it didn’t relight the flame.
Green Day were relevant again. They were walking proudly drenched in glamour, winning awards and being shot into the spotlight. Their new powerful record saved them from disbanding and cascading off into nothingness. Supported by new fans and the old faithful, the band began to sell out arenas. This showcased that this act which were a household name in the 90s, had the armoury of songs to stake a claim in the noughties.
American Idiot is a diverse compendium of songs all written and intertwined. Track number two Jesus Of Suburbia, is the most engaging piece of the puzzle. A 9 minute plus thriller, it captivated and made the hairs on the back stand rigid. Vocalist and lyricist Billie Joe Armstrong, bassist Mike Dirnt, and drummer Tre Cool, knew they had produced a conceptual, story driven, extravaganza.
Jesus Of Suburbia isn’t only a song. It’s a journey of self-worth and self-reflection. St Jimmy is the protagonist of this venture into a drug fuelled, loveless, chaos. He’s on the side-lines, observing destruction. His heart is beating out of time, his blood is painted on the walls of the establishment.
Through the carnage, he sees no optimism. Tarnished clothes lie in the room of broken memories. His cheating girlfriend lies on the bed, smoking a joint, naked to the world and showcasing her destructive side. She finally removes herself from his chaotic life, leaving him lonely and shaking to a gust of wind that powers its way through the window.
He was once a dreamer, a saint. Love broke him. The snapshots of his mother cradling him are fading, she’s a junkie for love and substances. She smokes her lungs and distances herself from reality. The heart in her is black, there’s no doubt.
Through it all, he sees a light through cocaine abuse. His body isn’t a temple and he certainly hasn’t got an empire to control. He’s lost, St Jimmy is lost. Beaten and programmed to despise the world. With this story, Armstrong has built a powerful, cathartic, plot, worthy of acclaim and praise.
St Jimmy is a character strolling towards the fire. His palms are sweaty and cut to fuck, his mind is playing tricks on him. Over the course of his day, he tries to dazzle himself with drugs and alcohol. But, he’s left fighting the demons that parade his intelligent, fragile brain.
Jesus Of Suburbia is a thriller and is an emotional rollercoaster. Armstrong wrote this blockbuster, and with those volatile riffs aiding its progression, turned it into a masterstroke many can relate to. The artistry is brilliant, but it’s the story which makes it a centrepiece.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
I posted this in the album thread a while ago but since I bothered to write 4,500 words about it, I decided to immortalise it here. My intepretations of every song on The Longshot's Love is for Losers, with doodles to go with them. These are all based on my own feelings and aren't necessarily correct.
The Last Time
The narrator has upset his lover, they’re giving him the silent treatment, he doesn’t really understand why or if there’s even a valid reason, but he’s promising it’ll be the last time in desperation to keep them. It’s like a prequel to the following songs about lost love.
Summary: a metaphor for jumping in a taxi to anywhere but here to escape misery. It’s frantic like actually trying to get an urgent taxi in New York City during rush hour.
“I got a suitcase in my hand, don’t even know just where I am, so take me to my destination” - the narrator is carrying his emotional baggage, unsure where he even is in his mind and asking the metaphorical taxi driver to take him to a destination he doesn’t even know. It’s like literally running away with just a suitcase in his hand, not even knowing where he is in desperation to escape. “Don’t want a ride, I need a lift, so drop me to the late night shift, somewhere out of your jurisdiction” - he doesn’t want a ride, he just needs a lift to anywhere but here. “Late night shift” could refer to the musings and anxiety of sleepless nights.
“Are we alone or are we all we’ve ever known? Taxi driver, I’m rolling like a stone” - he’s posing questions about life that a taxi driver could never answer, because in this moment, the taxi driver is everything as he takes him away from his misery. His thoughts are rolling like a stone and he feels like he’s triumphantly rolling as he gets away.
“So take me down the motorway, the highway to another day, I’ll take the side street out of vision” - he’s metaphorically out of town, on the highway to another day with the taxi driver he’s expecting way too much of, taking the side street out of vision from the misery he’s escaping. This may be reading way too much into simple word choices, but I like it - “motorway” is British English, “highway” is American English and the contrast feels representative of confusion and how far he’ll go with this metaphorical taxi driver just to get away.
“Give me a sign, give me a home,” asking the taxi driver, currently representative of fate to him, to give him a sign if what he’s feeling is right and a home at the end of his journey; “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” - damned if he stays and accepts his misery, damned if he doesn’t because “oh taxi driver, what’s the mission?” - he doesn’t even know what he’s doing.
“I wanna get around, I wanna get a new ride, I gotta get along so when the hope comes I’m all go!” - he wants to be ready in case he suddenly finds the answer to all these questions he’s asking about life, and in case hope for his situation to improve suddenly presents itself. That could be in the form of hope for his relationship working out, rediscovering love he’s lost, or just for feeling better about life in general.
Chasing a Ghost
Summary: chasing the ghost of a lost love.
“Piss stains and cigarettes, this party’s getting dull, I’m looking for a bump and a wall (???) to call my home” - I’m not sure “wall” is correct but anyway, the former two lines imply the narrator is partying to take his mind off how he’s “chasing a ghost,” but without that person it’s getting dull and his feelings are getting harder to ignore.
“I’m feeling like a moron, bitter and withdrawn” - his feelings about the dying relationship are making him bitter and withdrawn, which he feels like a moron for; “standing in the shadows with all the good times gone” - he’s retreating into the dark, where he’s miserable and feels like all good times are in the past.
“I’ve got the tears oh baby, crying in my soul” - the narrator is putting on a brave face but crying inside; “hang from the chandelier from a long long time ago” - hanging from the chandelier probably refers to wild sex or fantasies they shared (which could in turn be referring to ¡Dos!), but the way it’s sung is sensitive and emotional rather than crude. It’s a “long, long time ago” but he’s still reminiscing about it. He’s “chasing a ghost” because he’s desperately chasing his memory of someone, even though they’re little more than a ghost.
“Everyone is happy and everyone is gay, feeling the spirits and twisting the night away,” refers to a party or show, one that the song’s subject is also at. They could be someone he only sees at events, which could tie into Brutal Love with “dance forever, under the lights” and the trilogy’s forbidden love themes. Perhaps he’s never even been in a relationship with them but just wonders if, as he sings in Stay the Night, they could be “the one that got away.” That would also fit with them being a “ghost” because he can’t actually have them. Or maybe it’s none of that and he just happens to be seeing them at this event. “But when the thrill is gone and I’m staring at my phone,” is a beautiful depiction of modern day longing and disappointment, when the party’s over and he tells the subject “thanks for the company but I’m still standing alone,” because even though the short time they spent together was thrilling, they’re still not together. Instead, he’s aimlessly staring at his phone, as we all have at some point. The party could be a metaphor for how exciting and thrilling the subject’s company is. Lots of interpretations there!
“And it ain’t the same, ain’t it a shame?” - whatever he shares with the subject is no longer the same and he’s lamenting that in both this line and the following “here’s to the painkillers, oh yeah, on a Saturday night.” Saturday nights are associated with fun, partying and letting go for a night, but instead, the narrator is alone taking metaphorical painkillers to numb the pain of his lost love.
“So if you see her tell her that I said hello” - he’s given up hope that he’ll even see her again to say hello, but feels no animosity towards her; “I miss the times we spent and now I gotta go” - whatever they shared, he misses it but now he has to move on, whether because their love was forbidden or just didn’t work out; “she was my last hurrah and always got me stoned” - she was his last thrill, his last love and he enjoyed his time with her so much it was like drugs that left him stoned; “thanks for the sympathy and the punch in the nose” - thanking her, whoever is listening, for the sympathy and sarcastically “thanking” her, or the circumstances that prevent their love, for the “punch in the nose” as a metaphor for heartbreak.
The “ghost” could be a real person who’s become a “ghost” since he’ll never see them again - and in that case, most likely the same one the trilogy is about. It could also be the “imaginary girlfriends” Billie’s mentioned and refers to in Razor Baby, hence why they’re a “ghost.” Some people interpret this entire song as being about drugs and the human subject just a metaphor for that. Whilst I do think it refers to addiction (since an addict wrote it so it naturally does), I think that’s used as a metaphor for the relationship rather than the other way around. This is such a heartbreaking song.
Summary: feeling like his relationship leaves him dead in a body bag.
“She knits me a pastel purple sweater” - she does sweet things for me; “I’m staring blank into the sky” - maybe he’s left staring blank into the sky as he revels in those sweet things, or perhaps he’s doing so because he has to look away, knowing those sweet things won’t last, either because of his own mistakes or hers; “she reads me like a scarlet letter” - she sees through me and won’t take my shit; “she holds my heart and hopes to die” - like “cross my heart and hope to die,” she holds my heart, keeping me in love with her, while holding me to account if I hurt her and even sometimes when I don’t.
“Sometimes it ain’t so bad, like a soul lies on the slab” - sometimes it doesn’t hurt so much, though that seems sarcastic, because even when it’s not so bad it’s still as if his soul has been thrown down on a slab; “this is my life in a body bag” - this is how he lives his life, feeling dead and abandoned in a body bag.
“She’s got a diary of madness” - perhaps referring to his lover’s own issues, or if considered from a forbidden love angle, a diary she keeps of their love that feels like madness because they can’t truly have it; “she is a murder mystery” - referring back to how her love makes him feel like a dead man, but also how he doesn’t really understand her and romanticises her as a mystery; “she dumped me in a brand new address, with a brand new sweater made for me” - she sugarcoats her ruthlessness with sweet gestures.
If I linked this to another song, I’d pick Wild One. He’s almost afraid of the subject of Wild One, because she’s “manic,” ruthless and he’s put her on a pedestal as someone ethereal, but he can’t help but give in to her anyway; Body Bag feels like a more tired, toned down portrayal of the same subject
Love is for Losers
Summary: sarcastically dismissing love as being for losers because he’s been left longing for a love he’s lost.
“I’m riding shotgun in a car that’s broken down” - the narrator is being dragged through a love that’s broken down; “nowhere to run and this city’s like a ghost town” - there’s nowhere to run to avoid facing his feelings and the truth. He feels so alone as his lover has deserted him that the entire city feels like a ghost town. “And I’m feeling like a stranger, and I’m standing in the dark” - he feels like a stranger to his lover and himself in the face of losing her. He’s standing alone in the dark, as he’s “standing in the shadows with all the good times gone” in Chasing a Ghost, where it feels like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel.
“Hey kid, love is for losers now, alright. Stupid kid, you’re a loser now, alright” - he’s sarcastically - because he doesn’t really mean it since he’s still pathetically in love - telling himself and his lover that love is for losers, calling them stupid for falling for it, to make himself feel better. He refers to himself and her as kids because that’s how vulnerable he feels.
“My heart’s a has-been for my long lost valentine” - his lover is long gone now, but his heart is a has-been, stuck in the past as he’s longing for her and “chasing a ghost.” Then, he laments that “I searched the winter for the bride of Frankenstein.” He searched and fought desperately for someone that could never exist as his bride. When Frankenstein’s monster asked for a bride so he wouldn’t be so alone, Dr. Frankenstein initially agreed to create one. However, he abandoned it out of fear they might produce more monsters. The monster remained alone. His bride couldn’t exist. She was never more than an unattainable dream, as the narrator is searching for someone who couldn’t be more than that. This is one of my favourite lines Billie has ever written. I got it tattooed on my arm right before the Vancouver show and it’s a bit faded because dancing on the front row with a fresh tattoo is a Bad Idea, but that makes me love it more.
In See You Tonight on ¡Dos!, the narrator says “the colder it gets you won’t see me anymore.” Then in Love is for Losers, he’s desperately searching that winter, where he once said she wouldn’t see him anymore, for someone he’ll never find. “But we all got our delusions” - but we all have that one dream, like my bride of Frankenstein, that we cling onto and delude ourselves might be real. “Say goodbye to an old flame” - but now I have to move on.
“It goes to show ya, when they say that love is pain” - taking a cliche that turned out to be true for him to describe his feelings; “only the lonesome, got nowhere to run but the tears to go…” - inviting all the lonesome to lament with him and accept they have nowhere to run but to face the heartbreak.
Summary: turning someone, whether himself or another, who’s unknown and/or doesn’t fit the image of a “hero” into a “cult hero.”
“I am the patron of a story never told” - the narrator is nobody, but only because his story will never be told; “I am the longest shot in town” - a great line because it refers back to the band’s name and how he feels everything about him is a long shot; “I ride the darkest horses in the rodeo” - unlike your regular hero, I walk a darker path; "I am the unsung of the clowns“ - I’m the unheard representative of fools.
”I am hyena at the dog and pony show" - I’m an outcast; ”I’m the last of the lesser knowns, ‘cause I wanna be a cult hero“ - in a sense, he’s making fun of himself by sarcastically exaggerating his own importance as the last person to be lesser known, which isn’t something most people would be proud of; but he wants to be a cult hero.
”I got my darkest secrets and whispers at the moon, where all the stars never align" - acknowledging that he has dark secrets, which most "heroes” don’t, that only the moon and unaligned stars will ever hear because he’s a “lesser known”; “well, I can self destruct on any given note, my ruin is my storyline” - he has issues, he’s imperfect, but that in itself is his storyline. It’s what makes him a cult hero.
When Billie posted clips of Cult Hero, he included a photo of his dad, who was on the teamsters and always fighting for the right thing. That could be considered heroic. But obviously, no one outside of his family, friends and fans even knows who his father is; and even if they did, he’s not the kind of person who’s generally celebrated as a hero. So I interpret this song as making a cult hero of someone like his father who’d never achieve mainstream hero status and putting that on a pedestal.
Kill Your Friends
Summary: using killing your friends as a violent metaphor to mock, and as a contrast to, the meaningless and surface level kindness that’s rife in society today. The narrator is letting go and doing whatever he wants, because everything is going to shit anyway.
“Heaven’s making rent, there’s a vacancy for me and all my friends” - heaven (notably not hell) has room for the narrator and his fairweather friends who’ll metaphorically die; “the end of days are on the way” - he feels a metaphorical apocalypse is coming, so it doesn’t matter what he does; “who needs eulogies? When you got your loved ones and everyone’s depressed” - mocking the concept of performative loved ones and gratitude for them when in reality everyone’s depressed, by saying you don’t even need eulogies when you have something so falsely perfect; “party in the morgue tonight, everything’s gonna be alright” - what happens matters so little they they’ll practically still be alive when they’re dead.
“And we’ll be singing kill your friends and we better get it, and we’ll show up missing” - we’ll be singing something crass and gory, but who cares? It means little to him because the friends he’s singing about aren’t really his friends. “Show up missing” is some fun wordplay.
“Deadbeats on parade, gonna bite the bullet and jump on the grenade” - calling these people displaying false kindness deadbeats. He’s going to say what he wants instead of holding back, even though that might be like jumping on a grenade. “Fuck the world, it’s judgment day!” - again, he’s going to do what he wants, because it feels like judgment day is coming anyway; “we got thoughts and prayers” - mocking another societal concept of “thoughts and prayers” which don’t really help anyone, so he sings “nothing comes to mind and I don’t even care.” Instead, “I’m gonna take it to the mausoleum” - similar to “waking up the dead and everything will be alright in Angel Blue” - “and we’re not going 'til you’re screaming…” because he will be heard, he won’t be brushed off with thoughts and prayers and he’s not afraid to use violent imagery to get that across.
“One finger on the trigger and lying on the stereo” - he’s got one finger on a metaphorical trigger while he lies on the stereo (mass publicity) that everything is fine; “I think you’re killing me with kindness” - he’s sick of pity parties that mean nothing; “gunslinger, dead ringer and Michelangelo” - he wants to feel like he’s dangerous; “I’m in stitches blowing kisses and a death wish” - he’s laughing as he does something morbid and offensive because he doesn’t care anymore and in reality, what he’s mocking is equally offensive. The song as a whole could reflect his reckless feelings as he loses his lover.
Summary: ironically singing about happiness to communicate the opposite.
“Where is my sanctuary town? My love is reaching for a higher ground” - the narrator is asking where he can find this mythical sanctuary of happiness he’s never known, trying and failing to reach a higher ground where love doesn’t hurt; “I’m in the church of broken hearts, these congregations for the after dark” - he’s wallowing in heartbreak like it’s a religion, shared with people who spiritually congregate on sleepness nights, in the dark where they’ll never be seen.
“How lonely is your lonely? How lonely is your restlessness?” - do you feel as lonely as I do? “See when the war is over, some day when hell freezes over, how unhappy is your happiness?” - it’s a rhetorical question, because he knows hell will freeze over before he gets an answer and feels less alone.
“Up on the lonely avenue, my ride is running late or I’m too soon” - using the metaphor of a ride again to describe how nothing goes right for him; “my wheels are spinning in a ditch” - he can’t escape his loneliness; “that sinking feeling on a floating bridge” - comparing that to feeling like standing on a bridge that’s bound to sink and drown you.
“Lonely nights and too dumb to cry, as the songs are down” - lamenting how lonely he is, awake at night writing songs about his lost love and misery, unable to cry and feeling dumb as a result; “safety pins and purge all my sins, seasons of my murder” - again, I’m not actually sure what that last word is (release the lyrics Billie), but regardless that line is probably still, to me, about unhappiness escalating to the point where you think about death.
Summary: surrendering your soul to someone in love and feeling an almost spiritual connection with them, even when they’re gone.
“Sweet soul surrender” - the narrator describes his love with the subject as baring their souls to each other in devotion, even if that is “sweet old suicide.” It feels almost like a spiritual connection of their souls. “She’s my sole/soul defender,” because despite the faults the relationship had and her absence now, she’s still the only person who’ll defend him. If it’s “soul,” not “sole” defender, he could feel her presence literally defends his soul from negativity. He tells her “don’t be so uptight” because there’s no need to be when they were this close. He could also be telling other people not to be so uptight about their relationship because she’s his “soul surrender.”
“Just me and my imagination, I swear I think I saw a ghost” - this line tells us he’s actually alone. Seeing a “ghost” refers back to Chasing a Ghost. He’s longing for her so much, and he still feels so connected to her that he’s seeing her like a ghost who isn’t there, but almost wants to believe that image is real. “Oh, lead me out of my temptation, I got a case of letting go” - he’s asking a higher power, or her as if she’s that higher power herself, to stop him spiralling back into his worst throes of longing or trying to find her again.
“Send me a message through the window, something that I have never known” - in wanting to know if she still thinks about him, or if that ghost could metaphorically be real like a manifestation of their reciprocal longing, he asks her to send him a message through the window. The window is like a divide between them, because she can’t or won’t tell him in person, going back to the forbidden love theme. He wants something he’s never known, because he wants to know how that feels for once in his life and because it would identify that message as being from her. “I think I need a long vacation, to keep me clean and blow my nose” - he needs a vacation, where he can cry and forget, to escape this longing and avoid giving in to it, or relapsing in distress.
Some people interpret this song as being about rehab because of the “keep me clean” line. That’s an interesting angle too. For me though, “soul surrender” is the furthest you can go in your love for someone, and experiencing something like that leaves a mark so deep you might still see the person’s ghost after they’re gone.
Turn Me Loose
Summary: trying to be triumphant in the face of a relationship ending.
“Don’t let your ponytail get out of line, I got a feeling on my mind,” stop and pay attention to me, because I have something to say; “I’m on the spectrum and the borderline, I got the shakes but I’m alright,” I’m dealing with my own issues but I’m alright, insisting he’s fine despite how his lover made him feel, when in reality he knows he isn’t.
“Turn me loose,” let me go, “I’m only gonna stagger” - I’ll “stagger” but won’t fall, it won’t hurt too much; “April Fool’s and I’m not a runner,” I’m already a fool anyway, so whatever; just “don’t call me a loser with dumb tattoos” and hurt me, but “it doesn’t matter,” pretending he doesn’t care, which is sarcastic because he’s just admitted he does.
“I’ll go down swinging for the final line,” I’ll fight for myself until the end; “I’m not the rebel for my bride,” I’m a rebel for myself and not for you; “just for the record and the afterlife, I’ll take a beating not a dive,” I’ll take a beating but I won’t be knocked down, also linking back to Fell For You - “steal a kiss and I took a dive” - saying this time, I won’t take a dive for you.
Because it’s all bluster and he is hurting really, he sings “I’m gonna make a racket, I’m gonna start a riot, I’m gonna make you crash and burn,” saying he’s going to be immature and break the person’s heart in return.
Goodbye to Romance
So this is an Ozzy Osbourne cover and Billie didn’t write it, so it could be argued it means nothing. To me it’s there for a reason though. It’s like hope for the unattainable love he’s been singing about for the whole album - “we’ll meet in the end” and “it won’t be me this time around to love in vain” - while empowering himself by saying “goodbye to friends and to romance” at the same time. It was also played by Green Day at the first trilogy show at the Tiki Bar in Costa Mesa, so this is a nice way of that whole concept coming full circle.
Finally, some takes on a few of the b-sides, which I’m sure weren’t meant to be analysed but let’s go with it:
The narrator uses the concept of a fever blister and being contagious as a metaphor for how repulsive he considers himself, his self-hatred and how he feels he’s so awful people should avoid him.
I can’t even discern all the lyrics to this so it’s a bit of a shot in the dark (or long shot?). I get the impression it’s from the perspective of a female character like Gloria (“of love and razor blades”) that’s loosely based on Billie, using her self-harm (“razor baby” / “she covers up all through the summer”) to empower her instead of put her down. Also refers to her having “imaginary girlfriends, someone that she can share her pain,” tying into the “ghost” theme.
I've Got My Problems
A simple and cynical love song. The narrator plays down his desire for romance - he just wants someone rousing (“I wanna be a girl like you”) to hang around with. Finding that feels like a temporary “solution” to his problems, while he’s “hitting bottom” but “she’s alright.” He feels more strongly about her than he’s letting on, since he doesn’t “wanna fuck around with nobody else” and will “take one on the chin for you.” Whilst Baby Blue is a song written for These Paper Bullets, in this case I think “like voodoo dolls and baby blue” refers back to Angel Blue, someone who’ll “cut my chest just to see the blood.”
Summary: a new romance is compared to the devil because it’s typically “sinful.”
“Beer stains and cigarettes, the party is in my pocket” - two interpretations here. “Party is in my pocket” could mean a party is dependant on the narrator because he’s in control. Like the phrase “in your pocket” typically means being extremely close to, or dependant on, someone. It could also, as some others interpret it, refer to cocaine (especially with the following “bump” line). If so, I think that whilst this “party” might literally involve drugs, it’s also a metaphor for how high the subject makes him feel - “she was my last hurrah and always got me stoned.”
“I’m looking for a drink and a couch to call my home / give me a bump and I will call” - drugs and alcohol could be giving the narrator the confidence to behave like “the devil’s kind” with the subject or even approach her at all. It could also be the same metaphor as the previous line, asking the subject to get him drunk and high on her.
“And whisper dirty lies, the rapture in your ear and we’ll both be terrified” - the couple are revelling in their “sin.” Being “terrified” is like a high, or sarcastic because they’re actually loving it. Or they could be doing things that do terrify them, but fired up by each other, they’re up for it. I’d link this again to Wild One and Body Bag; how he’s almost afraid of the subject because she’s ruthless and so idealised by him.
“Bloodshot eyes and you’re peppermint” - their eyes are bloodshot because they’re up all night and partying (whether metaphorically or literally), but like peppermint is associated with lowered heart rate and blood pressure, the subject is like a cure for the narrator. Like taking ecstasy so you don’t have to sleep. “We can roll like dogs from the devil” - they should be afraid of the devil, but instead in their sin they’ll come close to him, only to roll like dogs without a care away.
“Give me one last try for your love tonight” - this isn’t their first encounter and the narrator doesn’t want it to last just one more night as fun, he actually wants her love. Reminds me yet again of Wild One and the note in the lyric book, “let’s fall in love (just for an hour)” when really, he wants more than just an hour’s love.
“I’ll be the king forever and you can be my sunshine” - to use a cliche, he’ll be king of the subject’s heart forever. Again, he wants her forever, not just now and he wants to leave a mark on her. In return, she’ll be like his sunshine in the dark. Her being like a “cure” or “defender” is a recurring theme. “We are the devil’s kind” - they’re the devil’s kind of people because they’re sinful. I think a lot of the implications of sin are subtle references to sex. “And now I won’t back down, I said I won’t back down” - he won’t give up on trying to win the subject’s love, like in Stop When the Red Lights Flash, he insists "I'll make you surrender."
“Take me into the water” - could refer to holy water or water as cleansing for his demons or sins, or alternatively her metaphorically drowning him; “and pull me from the slaughter” - the defender theme coming up again, like she’s the only one who can pull him from negativity; “because I’ve got the shakes and I’m so petrified” - this time only he’s petrified. The way it’s sung is confident and assertive, but admitting this to her as if she’s his comfort is quite vulnerable. Could be linked to “I’ve got the shakes but I’m alright” in Turn Me Loose, which is a bit of a heartbreaking comparison because at that point the relationship is over, but he’s trying to insist he’ll be alright anyway.
For the drawing, I used the “sunshine” theme and link to “dance forever, under the lights.” The girl is loosely based on how I imagine the character in Wow! That’s Loud and the guy on the young Perry Miller performing Devil’s Kind in Ordinary World.
So I might be reading way too much into some of this, but as some of my favourite songs Billie has written, they deserve it. These are of course my own personal interpretations based on my own feelings and I could be completely wrong about them all. I also don’t mean to imply anything about Billie personally or his private life. I have no idea who or what he’s singing about and knowing wouldn’t change any of my intepretations. Because hey, some people find analysing art fun… and I have a photography degree so finding meaning in things no one else cares about is what I do for a living.
Feel free to comment with your own interpretations! And if lyric analysis interests you, check out our extended discussion in the album thread.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
Kinda wish we still had the other subforums up so I could make a topic, but check it out yall- I finally got a band up and running.
We went into the studio 3 weeks back to record our first track (with this lineup, these guys have been going on and off for 2 years) and now its available for streaming. We did our first gig two weeks back, and have another coming up this weekend. Its been a hell of a ride. Gonna use this blog to keep yall updated on whats going on if anyones interested. Plus i think it'd be fun to have a journal of sorts if we end up taking this somewhere. Ill leave links below for our accounts for anyone thats interested in checking us out. Lots more to come hopefully.
And since its the Green Day Community, heres our cover of Brain Stew. Really fun song, I think you guys will enjoy the added solo. Drew shreds.
So yeah, lookin forward to keeping you guys updated on whats going on. Cheers.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
OMINOUS UNKNOWN KILLER IS STILL AT LARGE.
After weeks of unexplained murders, the ominous unknown killer is still on the rise. After little evidence has been found, a young boy states that he survived one of the killer’s attacks and bravely tells his story.
“I had a bad dream and I woke up in the middle of the night,” says the boy, “I saw that for some reason the window was open, even though I remember it being closed before I went to bed. I got up and shut it once more. Afterwards, I simply crawled under my covers and tried to get back to sleep. That’s when I had a strange feeling, like someone was watching me. I looked up, and nearly jumped out of my bed. There, in the little ray of light, illuminating from between my curtains, were a pair of two eyes. These weren’t regular eyes; they were dark, ominous eyes. They were bordered in black and… just plain out terrified me. That’s when I saw his mouth. A long, horrendous smile that made every hair on my body stand up. The figure stood there, watching me. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he said it. A simple phrase, but said in a way only a mad man could speak.
“He said, ‘Go To Sleep.’ I let out a scream, that’s what sent him at me. He pulled up a knife; aiming at my heart. He jumped on top of my bed. I fought him back; I kicked, I punched, I rolled around, trying to knock him off me. That’s when my dad busted in. The man threw the knife, it went into my dad’s shoulder. The man probably would’ve finished him off, if one of the neighbors hadn’t alerted the police.
“They drove into the parking lot, and ran towards the door. The man turned and ran down the hallway. I heard a smash, like glass breaking. As I came out of my room, I saw the window that was pointing towards the back of my house was broken. I looked out it to see him vanish into the distance. I can tell you one thing, I will never forget that face. Those cold, evil eyes, and that psychotic smile. They will never leave my head.”
Police are still on the look for this man. If you see anyone that fits the description in this story, please contact your local police department.
Hello everyone! Welcome back to Nico Talks About Creepypastas. After seven and a half months. Yay. Anyway, that quote up there is an excerpt from a local newspaper (location unknown). TL;DR: it's about a boy that almost got killed by someone, or something. This story is one of the most famous creepypastas out there, and it's called Jeff the Killer.
You might be thinking, "One of the most famous creepypastas of all time is just a boring newspaper excerpt? What the fuck man?" But that's just the beginning, a prologue. The real story begins now... if you want to read it for yourself, the link is at the bottom of the post.
Day 1 - Moving Into a New Neighborhood
The story is mainly about a teenager called Jeff and his family. Jeff, his brother Liu and his parents Margaret and Peter had just moved into a new fancy neighborhood. Their neighbor Barbara comes in and introduces herself and her son Billy. And all of a sudden Jeff's family were invited to Billy's birthday party. Well that was fast. Jeff however didn't want to go, saying that he's "not a dumb kid." In the end, he was still forced to go there though. He went to his room, when he got a weird feeling. He just brushed it off as some random feeling.
Day 2 - Gangster Skaters
On the next day, Jeff and Liu were ready to go to school, but not before Jeff got that feeling again during breakfast, stronger this time. Once again he just brushed it off. They went to the bus stop, when these three kids Keith (skinny, dopey face), Troy (the "fat kid") and Randy (the leader of their little gang) barely jumped over them with their skateboards. Probably thought they were the shit. One thing led to another and all of a sudden one of the skaters pulled a knife out and took Liu's wallet. Jeff got the feeling again, but it was WAY stronger this time, it was so strong he got up and, out of anger, broke Randy's wrist, threw him to the ground and stabbed Keith in the arm with the knife the skaters had. He also punched Troy in the stomach, and that was enough for him. That escalated quickly. Only problem: the bus was coming. So Jeff and Liu ran away as quickly as they could and just went to school, not telling anyone what had happened. When school was over and he got home, Jeff told his mother in a "somewhat ominous" voice that it was a wonderful day.
Day 3 - Taking the Blame for Jeff
On the next morning, two cops knocked on the door. You guys probably know why. Jeff said that it was him and that Liu tried to stop him. I mean, that's what happened. But then Liu chimed in and took the blame for him, and while Jeff tried to convince the officers that he beat the skaters up, they took Liu away. Jeff wept in the driveway for the next hour, meanwhile his dad pulled in and asked if he was okay. He couldn't answer because his vocal cords were strained from crying so much. He was emotionally scarred that day. The next two days, nothing happened, so we're going to skip straight to day 6.
Day 6 - Billy's Birthday Party
Now, this is where shit goes down, I'm telling ya.
Jeff actually forgot about the birthday party, and still didn't want to go. He put on a white hoodie and some jeans and went there with his parents, who were dressed much fancier. His mother was in a dress, his father in a suit. They got to their neighbor's house, and Jeff was told the kids were out in the yard. A little kid came up to him with a toy gun and a hat and wanted him to play with the others. He reluctantly agreed, and for some reason actually had a little fun. Until he heard Randy, Keith, and Troy on their skateboards...
Randy told Jeff they had some "unfinished business." That can't end well.
Randy and Jeff both fall to the ground after Randy rushes at him, Randy punches Jeff in the nose. Jeff headbutts Randy. They both stand up. Troy and Keith pull guns out. Randy stabs Jeff's shoulder. Randy kicks Jeff in the face. Jeff twists Randy's foot. Troy throws Jeff through the patio door. Randy repeatedly kicks Jeff until he's coughing up blood. Randy throws Jeff into the kitchen. Jeff stands up, blood and vodka on his face. He gets that feeling again, which this time causes him to snap. HE'S LOST HIS MIND. Jeff piledrives Randy to the ground. Jeff punches Randy into the heart. randy dies. Jeff gets guns pointed at him from Keith and Troy. They run into the bathroom. Jeff bangs the towel rack into Troy's face after Troy missed with the knife. troy dies. Keith throws Jeff into the wall. An open bleach bottle falls down on them (okay seriously, what the fuck why would you have that bleach bottle open). Jeff rams the towel rack into Keith.
I'm gonna stop the summary right here, even though the fight isn't over. Because now something happens that I want to summarize in detail. So, Jeff's body is full of bleach and vodka, and Keith is bleeding to death. In his final minutes, Keith pulls out a lighter and laughs. Think about that; Jeff has bleach and alcohol all over him, and Keith has a lighter in his hand. What happens next? HE THROWS THE LIGHTER AT HIM. The vodka burned him, the bleach bleached his skin (who would've thought?). He passed out...
In the Hospital
I don't know how many days later this is, so I'm leaving the day number out. Jeff woke up in the hospital, a cast wrapped around his face, stitches on his shoulder and a tube in his arm. He tried to get out, but of course that wasn't yet possible. His parents were there... and also Liu. Because after the witnesses told the police how Randy attacked Jeff, they decided to let Liu go. Not much later, the doctor removed the cast from his face. His face looked HORRIFYING. I'm not gonna show it to you just yet, just wait until the end. Anyway, he went to the bathroom to look at it in the mirror. Despite everyone's thoughts, he said it didn't look that bad. Actually he said it was perfect. Quote: "I’ve never felt more happy! Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa, look at me. This face goes perfectly with me!" Well... according to the doctor, behavior like this is perfectly normal for patients that took a lot of pain killers. I guess that's fine, we'll just take him home then. It's all good... or is it?!
t̜h̰̹̮̭̀̀ͅè̼̺̰͓̩̺ ҉̰̻̜̕f̴͔̻͉̟̘i̫̱̻n̶̮͕͍̮̖̰͖͓̪͞a̦̝̠̬̳͘l̷̡̬̗̠̬͖͔̣ ̧̣̩̤͎̀n͏̱͉̰̥̝̬͖̻͞i̜̩g̷͇̬̗̼̝͍̰͜h̴̢͖̼̙t̢͏̺̹͕̬̦͚͕̹͉
In that same night, Jeff went into the bathroom to put some "finishing touches" onto his face. Just normal things, like carving a smile into his face so that he could smile forever, and burning out his eyelids so that his eyes would never close. Seriously, who hasn't done that before? His mother backed off, realizing Jeff's gone insane.
"wh̷͜a͘͝t̶'s͏̷ ͏ẁ͝͏r͏̶o̸̢̢ń̵g̀́͟ m͝o̕m̢̛͞m̷͡y̡͏?͜͜ á̪͇͍̭̯̙͢r̸̛̮̘̬̳͖̤̬͓̻̹̝͉͡ȩ̵̫͚̠̮̤͔̺̤̤̱͚͓̰̣̜̹̮͕n̷͏̵̫̟̗͎̞͇̘̰̠͡'̵̸̭͎͎͕͈͟͡t̶̢̙͈͙͚͇͕͕͚̩̗̦͢͢ ̶͓̲͉̝̟̰͇͚̭̲̘͔̕͢͠i̶̡͎͙̪̘͉͉̼̤̤̻̪̬̤̣̕͡ͅͅ ̶̵҉̢̛͔͖̜̲̼̼̤̩b̢͙̰̙̪̱̬̹̠̻͓̯͓̲̮̘͈̕͝͡ͅe̴͠҉̡̮͉͙̰͡à̷̲̱̜͇̺̕͠u̵̫͎̭͖͚͕͞͡t̵̡̺͉̩̬̘͇̟͍͍̗̘͔̲͙̮̦̰́̕ͅì̡̯̥͕̲̤f̛̱͉͍͓̘͉͘͟͠u̷͚͖̰̗͓̫͈̭̟͎͝l̟̟̹͚͙̹̜͙̕͟͝͝͞?̶̩̻̩̺̯̭̗͇̫̯̪́͡"
well... there's only one way to answer this. "Yes son, you're beautiful. L-let me go get Daddy so he can see your new face!" She instantly woke her husband up, saying that he should get the gun. Apparently to get rid of him or something. However, they didn't notice. They did not notice that Jeff was listening.
M̥͔̖͕̲̱̪̮̝̖̝̝͔̲ͧͭ͊̄ͮ͊̃̾̌ͮ͋ͭͥ́̕͟͡͡ͅȏ̦̝̹̼̫̩ͧ̎̍̽̄̀ͥ̑͐́͐̅̓́͟m̸̢̡̢͎̟͙͒̂̉́͝m̶ͫ̔ͣ͌ͪ̃̈́ͩ҉͘͞҉̺͕̟̫̗͖̥y̵̶̢͍͖̝͓̣͉̦̩̰̠̯͉̭͍̜̣̰̖̔͊̔͐̌ͨͦ̉̍ͩ͗̓̊̌̈́ͬ.̵̵̨̟̗̭̭̭͉͍̫̹͔̖̯̜̥͍͙̱̽͋͐̐̆̐͌͌͂̒͗̌͊̅͜.̶̭̙̬̳̽̉̏ͮ̕͠.̼̬͉͙̖̥̉̈́̉͌̊̕̕ ̵̟̯͉̬̮͚̞͇͚͈͙͇̈̑̏ͨ̅̐̇͌̆ͫ̎́̌ͥ́̇̚͢͝y̸̵͈͉̼̺̗̠͕̭̰̮͓̘̠͍͙͎̙̾̀̉ͯ̐̉ͨ̓͝ͅo̶̢̫̟̬̩̫̯͖͙͎̰̦̺͚̤̥̩͓̳͎ͣ̽ͭͯͤͤ̑ũ̧̡͖̠͎͚̦̜͆̌ͭ̿̐ͪ̊ͪ̊͝͡ͅ ̵̧̢̲̠͓͉͔͍̼̩̣̻̥̪͍͕͔̈́̅͒͒͂̓͆͆͗̿̃ͨ͛͡l̡̒ͤ͗̓̔̊̓ͩ́̀͢҉̼͙̭̺̥͚̪͓͎̠̙̬̦̘̫͍̜̫̯i̛̜̩̹̪͔̝̻̦̙̼̠̮̐͂̎̀́̚̚ȅ̶͔͚͔͔̗̥͖̳̣͎̼̣͍͚̼͛̏̍͂̔́̀̉̋̂ͮͫͧ͜͡d̂̐ͭ̏ͧ͛̚҉̛̘̖̯̼̰̫̜̝̥̩̘̹̞̯͎̭͞͝ͅ.̭̼̭̜̲̝̼́̃̑́͊ͣ͌ͨ̏̒̄̔ͪ̋̀́.ͧͥ̀ͧ̀͏͜͏̛̞̥̻͎͔͖.̃̋ͫ̉̍̃̎͛̈͒̉̑̒͆̓҉̨̼̟̦̝̞̣ͅ
Right afterwards they were both stabbed by him. Liu woke up because he heard it, but he didn't know what it was, so he just went back to sleep. Right before he was able to, he got a feeling. Like somebody, or something was watching him. He looked up, saw Jeff ready to stab him as well. He tried to fight against it, until Jeff spoke the final four words.Spoiler
shhhhhh... just go to sleep.
Original Creepypasta: https://www.creepypasta.com/jeff-the-killer/
Next up: probably "The Russian Sleep Experiment"
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Not allowed to make the music that I would
my thoughts are truly reckless
and very misunderstood
so now it is only poetry that I play
with in the backyard of my mind each and every day
I am not too courageous yet my name , that's what it means
I am not a warrior and I am not allowed to scream
I am in a prison of emotion and psychotherapy
Debating on to watch it end all inside of me.
I talked to many people about what is going on
and if I did die it would raise too many questions about myself
to run away will not make the troubles go away
so act as if... you crazy b****…. you are a robot now
made of flesh... but do your best.... not to care anyhow.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Haven't written songs much before, and when i did they were awful so uh...this is my first attempt at a song in ageeessss. Im sure its not very good, but i tried :x
I try to think of why i stay
But nothing seems to come to mind
I think i'd lose my mind
If I still had one to lose
Can you help me find a reason?
I'm in a state of mind that will
Most likely kill me in the end
I am like a rundown car
In an alley with a dead end
Can you help me find a reason?
I am trapped with no way out
Like a rat in a trap maze
I am stuck in a world of grey
Can you help me out of this haze
You fixed the game and stacked the deck
There's just no way I could win
You pushed me in now i'm in too deep
I'm hanging on the razor's edge
I think i'm going blind
To the reason i stay inside
This cage called you
Can you help me find the key
Or at least some better company
You laugh and smile my way
I can't say that I do the same
My heart is bored its overboard
In the sea you call a love life
Can you help me find a way
Or at least a reason to stay
I am trapped with no way out
Like a rat in a trap maze
I am stuck in a world of grey
Can you help me out of this haze
You fixed the game and stacked the deck
There's just no way I could win
You pushed me in now i'm in too deep
I'm hanging on the razor's edge
- Read more...
- 0 comments
I don't know how many or if any of you remember me, because I haven't posted for way too long. I want to give more than one update, though. Mainly not for the sake of giving an update, but because I know how some of you feel and it might give some of you some hope.
I know that when I first came here, I was severely depressed. At school I was the outsider, at hockey I got bullied so much it ended with a broken collar bone. It destroyed me so much because I thought my hockey career would have ended as well.
Now, I'm out of school, I study and I'm happy with that. I went through therapy and it helped a lot.
The main change, though, was the birth of my sweet daughter. Really, when I first looked into her eyes (she was born with her eyes open) I realized what true love is! From that moment on I knew I didn't need any hockey career to prove myself, I don't need a hockey career to be worth it, I don't need it to have success or be a good person. I had more than I ever wanted.
Four months later I got an offer, though. "You've trained here a few years ago. Do you have interest in playing in our team the next season?"
Well, I have a baby. I'm alone with my baby. Okay, not completely alone, but would my parents really take so much of their time to help me out there? I told them of the offer. I was scared, nervous and already sad because I thought my answer would have to be a "no, sadly I can't".
"I have no idea how we'll do it, but we'll find a solution, so say yes to them". And that's what we did. We found a solution. I played that season and for the first time in yeeaaars I had fun playing. For the first time ever I really felt like I was part of the team and for the first time in years I was really nervous when I played. I didn't want to make mistakes. We're talking about women's first league in ice hockey in Germany (DFEL if anyone wants to google it). But I got better. I'm not one of the best players in the team, but I think I'll get better and better. I'll give my best. I'll be there next season as well, I hope!
What do I want to tell you with that?
Easy: believe in your dreams no matter how desperate it looks like and no matter what anyone tells you! I was 22 and didn't play for a whole season. Still I got to the place where I want to be! Most people told me I'm talentless. My self-esteem was at point zero and I never believed I would even get out of my depression.
Also I was scared I could never care for myself and would do bad at parenting. I know, I can't prove I'm good at it, but my daughter gives me so much love and laughs so much, I just believe her ;D
Nothing is impossible!
I've been insecure before, nothing new. Usually my insecurity is my place in other people's lives rather than something physical/my appearance. I worry about annoying others, pushing them away, or being too clingy. Especially when it comes to my romantic relationships - I've been trying to work past it for years. So something happened recently and I need some advice about whether I'm A) being stupid/insecure and need to knock this shit off, or if B) I'm right in feeling insecure. Back story to this situation (for just the situation skip to the green) :
So my fiance was the manager for a (different than me) pizza place. Because of recent general management changes and decisions, Kenny has decided to leave to manage a restaurant for the company I work for (more money, less stress, less strict). Anyways, there's this girl who worked for him and she's about 16-years-old (Kenny is 21 turning 22 this year). She has a boyfriend but she's always talking to Kenny at work, texting him (work related, but things she obviously already knows) and calling him (work related, stupid shit). Well I've told Kenny I don't trust this girl, I think she likes him, and I think he needs to be more wary of her. She has a boyfriend but to me that doesn't deter people.
Here's the issue, back story over:
We went to his goodbye party for the crew to say goodbye to him, and she showed up in a skimpy skirt and kept staring at him and talking to him. When I caught her looking at him, she'd look away and look upset. I confronted Kenny about it and he laughed, assuring me he's mine. But, he also said "I just don't think she likes me, I don't think she's that kind of person". To me it felt like he was standing up for her instead of for me. Then I read the note she wrote him, which was a huge card in tiny writing. She said that his management was "better than anything she could have ever asked for". And she said that she couldn't even "begin to express how thankful" she was for "everything" he's done for her from the day he met her. ((To reduce my bias and to make this more fair for her, I'm including a quote without her name in the quote area below))Quote
Kenny, as a crew we have been nothing short of absolutely spoiled. You have been such an amazing boss, and better than anything I could have ever asked for. You care for each and every one of your employees on a personal level, which comes so very rare for those often found in a manager position. You have been not only a mentor, a teacher, and an inspiration, but you've been one hell of a friend. I think I got way too lucky having you as my first boss, and part of me regrets it knowing that no other will be able to live up to the standards you've put in place. I've made friends and formed relationships that I never would have had the chance to develop if it wasn't for you. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for everything you've done for me from the day I met you, to now. But I wish you the best of luck for you and your future, and I hope you don't forget about me, and your crew. I know I can't do for you what you've done for us, but from the bottom of my heart I thank you Kenny.
❤️ (Girl's name)
Is it just me or is this a little too clingy and too mushy to be saying to your boss?
Should I be jealous? Is he standing up for her? Or am I just crazy? Someone please bring me back to earth.
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
This is the last of the lyrics for Angel In The Drone. I don't have anything else prepared after this, so this might be the last you hear from me, at least for a while. I hope you enjoyed all the shit that I wrote up until this point. Thanks for reading!
Lift your hands to the heavens like Babel
I'll be your sediment as long as I am able
The thread around my heart cleaves it in two
The red fibers stretch to the point I follow through
And while the world changes in the corners of the gallows
The bliss of the synapses while you're wading in the shallows
Whatever our connection is, believe me
God willing, nothing has moved me so positively
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Caetano Veloso, Gal Costa – Domingo (1967) 8.5/10
Peter Buck of R.E.M recommended this album. It’s Brazilian but it’s an amazing album. Probably only accessible on Spotify and vinyl (as I couldn’t find a CD of this album) But has this easy-listening and folk infusion. The vocals are clean. The instrumentals are also pretty clean and easy to listen to. I think this could be an essential record for people into world music. And what I consider world music as an American is foreign for starters, and has an ethnic vibe to whatever region the artists belong to. On a personal base, I wanted to give this album at least two listen throughs before making a rating. This is the first Folk and World infused album I’ve given a chance to, and will listen to it again.
Esprit 空想 – 200% Electronica (2017) 7/10
A chillwave/vaporwave type of album. Definitely a must for avid vaporwave fans. People think of Vaporwave and only think of Macintosh Plus/Vektroid. Esprit 空想 has this chillwave vibe to their work; well with this album anyways. Generally I can’t give vaporwave more than an 8 out of 10, because of how it does sometimes blend into each song, and that can be overwhelming for my sensory issues sometimes; and could make me very tired easily. Not to say that this album is bad by any means, personally I have to be in the mood for this type of music anyways. It’s definitely not something I’d play on repeat every day.
Florence + The Machine – High As Hope (2018) 8.5/10
I’ve heard mixed reviews about this album. From the first lesson, it definitely is a hit with me. I think people didn’t like the polarizing of the tracks. Honestly, this is Florence at her finest, with her vocal range. Yes, this album might not appeal to the mainstream media (people who are fanatics of mumble rap or trending music) Objectively my favorite tracks are: Sky Full of Song, Hunger, and Grace. Indie for sure, through and through. I wanted to give this somewhere between an eight and nine for ratings, so I decided 8.5 would be appropriate (just from my personal tastes).
Earth – The Bees Made Honey in The Lion’s Skull (2009) 7.5/10
Introductory to Drone Metal/Rock. If you want to get into that genre, I suggest you all listen to anything by Earth really. This album in particular, I found via podcasts on iTunes circa 2009ish when I was a 10th grader in high school. For me personally, it does get to be a little boring after the first 2 tracks, because of how lengthy these tracks are (one being nearly 10 minutes long) with droning instrumentals, and no vocals; which is essentially the point of drone metal anyways. The album cover is interesting, I actually like it. There’s like 9 or 10 tracks on this album averaging around 6 to 8 minutes of a track. So around a 45 minute album.
Evanescence – Synthesis (2017) 4/10
Objectively, this has to be Evanescence’s worst album. The concept was okay. But the execution was highly poor. There were two newish songs on there Hi-Lo which was a demo from the previous albums, and Imperfection which was the lone new single that has been written for this album. Other than that, Amy was trying to copy what Epica, Within Temptation, and all the other symphonic metal bands have done in the past. And it was poorly executed in my opinion. There was 12 tracks on this album 2 newish songs, and at least 1 instrumental. Then the remaining tracks were rehashes of older songs/hits. The only good songs that I care for My Heart is Broken, Lacrymosa, Lithium and Hi-Lo. They butchered Bring Me to Life and Imaginary for sure. I try to dodge this album if I can when on Spotify unless it’s the remakes of songs I enjoy.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Pinhead Gunpowder - West Side Highway
The Network - Money Money 2020 - of course this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Green Day 😉
Billie Joe + Norah - Foreverley Taiwanese CD with OBI
The Frustrators - Griller on black and red vinyl
U2 and Green Day - The Saints are Coming - Japanese promo CD single with OBI
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Hello all! I'll keep this short and sweet -
Tomorrow is the Extra Life game day! This is my fourth year participating and I am so excited! I'll be playing video games for a solid 24 hours to raise donations for the Children's Hospital of Denver, Colorado. I'd seriously appreciate anything you can give! If you can only give 5$, then perfect! Everything helps!
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Who else thinks that today's "music" is stupid? raise your hand!
Yes, the "music" that we have today is, actually to some, considered not music, because all it actually is, is mashed up sounds to create a tune. When was the last time you heard a new song from 2016, 2017, 2018 on the radio which actually used a proper instrument like guitar or so?
I'm talking about songs like "the middle" by Zedd that blew up on radio stations this summer or Ocean by Martin Garrix... I don't hear any actual Instruments! Okay, sometimes you hear piano or drums that are also mushed up to sound kind of more electrical. I hate it!😫
With Green Day, you have something for everyone and the best thing is that they still use actual instruments! It is a way for everyone to hear what proper instruments sound like. Sure they have maybe the one mashed tone, but the song isn't made out of it, you can still hear and recognize the instruments. They do it in way that sounds cool, people can relate to their songs, the songs have powerful messages that are different from the cheesy songs you hear today. Green Day has something for everyone, some of the newer generation might not hear it and understand it yet, but here on the Green Day Community, where true GD fans are, all understand what Green Day's music is.
Green Day might swear a lot in their songs, it's still real music unlike today's.
Why everyone should appreciate Green Day.
They are actually real people not plastic image people like today, do mostly or always live singing not playback! Use real instruments on stage not a DJ playing in the background.
Green Day might seem a bit weird to some people, but those people can go piss off. Green Day have their moments of being crazy, but would ya just take a goddamn look at Justin Bieber!
We all should appreciate GD for still being original, and so we do!
Now all the musicians who haven't made it big out there, basically the people who play for friends and family, the private ones, you know what I mean? Anyway, they also mostly use instruments, which is good!
but all the big famous ones always, always, always use this mashed up shit to create a song. Green Day doesn't.
Yes, we all love Green Day here.
Which of the modern artists' music do you hate the most?
I hate Justin Bieber all the way to hell, I hate him so damn much I can't even explain how much I hate him!
Thank god Billie isn't Justin Bieber😀
By the way, I also hate Eminem.
Sorry if you like one of those two artists, it's just my personal opinion.
Okay so it's been a while since I updated this!
Basically we ran into a bit of trouble during the painting process. First off, the weather is shit for a few weeks so the guy painting it couldn't really do it without it turning to shit. When he finally was able to paint it, he started relicing it and went a bit overboard so he had to restrip the guitar and start again.
After getting it painted the second time, it was getting close to Christmas so he was shutting down for a few weeks. I had the option of him doing a rush job, or waiting till after Christmas when he was actually moving to my city and we could work on it together. It's currently in the processed of being reliced and looking fucking amazing.
I figured it had been a while since I updated here so I wanted to give a little tease of the paint job. So here it is!
Up next - Part Three: Relicing
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
I made some art based on some songs by The Network.
- Read more...
- 0 comments
I have a request!
I'm going through all my photos and trying to make sense of the insane amount of pictures I have, with the goal of making some photo albums. I realized I lost all of the pictures I had of me + the gang (aka the circle-jerk crew) from the time we all met up in Cleveland a few years back. I think I might have deleted what I had in a fit of rage or something, idk. Anyway, if anyone has any of those pics, would you mind sending them to me? My Green Day phase was such a fun time in my life and I'd really like to have the pictures for my photo project!
I can't remember anyone's username on here anymore so if someone who's savvier than me could tag Alissa, Steve, Hannah, Eva, Carling, and WHOEVER ELSE WAS THERE and might have pics, I'd appreciate it! Thanks so much guys xoxoxo
This year has been a rocky one for me, hence my absence here on GDC. I still miss you all and lurk when I can. I figured I'd give you all an update if you're interested.
- Ricki passed away on April 14th, and I've cried every single day since then. For those of you who don't know, Ricki was my cat who was almost twenty-two years old. He was my best friend and got me through so much in my life. To live through his legacy, I've created a non-profit to raise funds for senior pets in need of medications or medical procedures in my area. It'd mean a lot to me if you could like his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Ricki.and.Friends/
- I finally graduated University. A photo is in the Photo Thread.
- I am currently working four jobs. I'm very tired.
- I have recently signed up for pole fitness to build my confidence and get my old body back. I hope it goes well.
- My stomach disease has really taken over my life. I was not approved for surgery, so I am taking tons of medications for that, as well as my other medical issues. My medications have made me bloat bigger than I have ever been in five years. My self confidence has been shot down, and I have resulted in self-harm as of recently. It isn't something I am proud of, but I am seeking help for this.
- I applied for my Master's degree in New York to be closer to Tom.
- I am also completing my licensing exam to be a social worker in New York to be closer to Tom. <3 I miss him very much every day.
Uhhh other that that I'm not sure what else to say!
- Read more...
- 0 comments
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
Okay so I was one of the lucky few to have gotten tickets to The Longshot. Twice.
The first ticket was actually bought by my partner and I gave him my information because I needed just one ticket for myself.
The second ticket happened Tuesday afternoon on the line as I was waiting to get in.
Let's recap with Tuesday 5/22:
- Get up at 6:00 AM and I’m at the venue at 7:30 AM
- There’s six people in front of me which was surprising but this is also the fact it was raining on and off today (and the fact it’s not technically Green Day despite Billie being the front man and Jeff being there too)
- People behind me start showing up sporadically between 11 AM and onward. There wasn’t 20 people around until about 3 PM? Maybe even later?
- Load in happens with the crew
- Throughout load in, we get a notification that they released 30 tickets for that night and Wednesday shows. I get a Wednesday ticket.
Black car pulls up about a hour after. Billie is the first to come out. An unintelligible yell comes out my mouth but also everyone on line is screaming too.
- Side note: Actually very good looking human being and the fluff is real.
- Soundcheck happens and then Jeff comes out but walks down the block and away from us.
Billie comes out and a few people in front of me are calmly and quietly asking for photos (and people slowly begin to notice). So I made myself seen by Billie and I said something of the fact “I’ve been here since 7:30 AM may I please have a photo?” And we did make eye contact and mini acknowledge that I was to be next. Then this woman who was a few people away shoves me and goes underneath the sanction rope and then everyone starts swarming and pushing him more to his car. And then he says he’s sorry he can’t take any more photos because he has to get laundry.
- Going to be bitter for a while about it.
- Get inside and I’m front row and made myself go in between Billie and Jeff because center was out of the question and so was the far side.
- Opener was The Trashbags and they were…decent. I couldn’t hear much because I became a certified adult and brought earplugs because I knew I would wind up next to a speaker. The lead singer kept weaving in and out of the crowd during every song. Which was cool because not a lot do that and he got the party going.
- Longshot gets set up and my heart begins pounding because it hit me I am arms length away from Billie Joe fucking Armstrong.
- They were incredible live. A lot of bouncing. My side of the stage wasn’t rowdy and we had a bit of elbow room in the front row too. There were a few people in the front who weren’t jumping around. And there was this older woman who had her arm out blocking a small area where someone could stand and also her other arm holding on to her kids and her feet were literally on the amp. I was like “…this is not the right show for you, lady.”
- He skipped over Happiness and we called him out on it.
- After a few songs, my arm was covering Billie’s set list and he bent down to look and I had to move my arm away and then he looks right into my eyes and sticks his tongue out at me. So I did it right back and then he laughed and then I freaked.
- Got a pick at the end of the show when there was one on stage and this other kid behind me lunged for it too but my hand was quicker.
- I did leave when it ended because exhausted and also because I was there for almost 17 hours with a mini nap now and then. Also it was a literal sauna in the room.
Recap of Wednesday 5/23:
- Made it a point to not be there as early because tiredness and also that I had an interview at 1 PM and I didn’t want to leave stuff there and come back and then see it leave.
- Get to the venue at around 2:30 and we have about 20 people in front of me. Tuesday it was pouring rain and a bit colder. And Wednesday it was bright and sunny and warm.
- Met up with Anna from the Green Day group we had on here ages ago and on Twitter.
- Made friends with a few people on line too
- The band doesn’t do soundcheck which was…odd. Or didn’t show up to the venue at all until after we got in.
- I get second row and get between Jeff and Billie again but people were taking up a lot more space so the amp was my friend.
- Crowd was a lot more rowdy. A lot of pushing and shoving and jumping on all sides. Thought I was going to merge with the amp.
- Caught Jeff’s attention a few times
WILD ONE LIVE akjdsfhkldsjhgljkhdsjkahgdjklas
- I will say Dos was my least favorite album of the Trilogy with Tre being my favorite. But Wild One is one of the songs I genuinely loved on it.
- The dork that is Billie had someone in the front hold the lyrics on a piece of paper.
- We wait around and head outside and it takes about a hour and Jeff comes by. He does a few autographs and I managed a selfie with him. I thanked him for the show and hope he has a great remainder of the tour. He says it was great having you on his side of the stage because I was active and responsive.
About a half hour later, I see Adrienne Armstrong and oh my god.
- There are people I do get starstruck for. I did not realize she would be one of them
- Her hair was pulled up in a high pony tail. She had minimal makeup on with black eyeliner/mascara and a red lip and she looked fucking STUNNING. Just such a beautiful woman that made me go “…oh my god.” Not only that but she has this aura about her that is welcoming and also you know she’s someone and want to be around her.
- I wish I could have told her she looked amazing and to thank her for putting up with the fans and that she deserves all good things
And then Billie comes out a moment after her
- Now I will say a selfie with Billie is always goals and the dream. But the literal dream DREAM is for him to write down on a piece of paper “Better Thank Your Lucky Stars” from Waiting and it would be my next tattoo.
- Sadly…either didn’t happen.
- I didn’t want to scream and rush him but everyone did even though he said something among the lines of “selfies take too long and I will sign”
- I asked about the lyric but he was getting rushed away by other fans and also his bodyguards saying he has to go. And I didn’t want to follow him down the block but fuck I wanted to do so because it’s a so close and yet so fucking far away.
I am not going to the Brooklyn show unless I do get a ticket and even then, I did say I would pick up a shift at work and money is needed to me because of other things. I know my friend Caitlyn will be going so I may ask her if she can somehow get the lyric for me.
Despite those so close moments, it was two of the best nights ever and two of the best shows I’ve been to.
Recent EntriesLatest Entry
Wailing winds carry forth the sound
Of Empires past burning down;
They’re buried deep beneath the ground,
Sharing tombs with skeletons dispersed
Throughout our history, but in this mall
Stories of buried
Empires before us fall
On deaf ears.
Silent, I wait in the park
On Inauguration Day.
Gray skies are falling;
Weeping for a fool’s parade.
The crowd bow their heads;
Red hats wear white anger,
Worshiping false-prophet’s rancor,
Controls relented to Wall Street bankers.
In the trees, I hear their whispers,
And in their seeds, a disparate mixture.
Hold for pity and for grace,
Hold for all in broken faith.
Wave to soldiers beyond the gates,
Ask them if they know that they’re dying.
Fanatics kneel as the whistle-blows,
Echoing the strangest prose.
See Spring rise from the streets below,
See the early sun, the yellow rose,
Toppling the golden towers,
Gather here at midnight hour
To usher in the turning flowers,
The wiser half will turn and run.
Why has no one told them that they’re dying?
- Read more...
- 0 comments
it's four am and i just realized that i have a blog where i could post literally fucking anything and not care so here it goes i guess; don't mind the ramble like nature of this i'm just kind of exhausted.
there's something that's been bothering me for a long while and i didn't have anyone i felt really comfortable talking about it to; because it's just, i don't know, weird? unnatural? too unspecified? i don't even know.
my sexuality was never something i really struggled with. the first person i liked was a girl, and throughout my childhood i was so separated from everything that i never really realized how homophobic the world was. even so, i was, interestingly enough, kind of homophobic for a while. not towards myself, but the type that's just kind of weirded out by it and says it's unnatural. i moved past it, all fine and dandy, whatever.
gender was something i never really thought about, because i didn't know anything on the topic, you know? no one ever spoke about it, no one ever made me think about it, not in terms of gender identity. somewhere from the internet i learned about the fact that there are people who trans, and i was like ok, and still didn't think about it. since then i've learned a great deal more but again, i never gave it much thought in regards to myself.
but recently i have. a lot. and here's the thing.
fuck it's even hard to write. i don't know what the thing is. just that there's something, i think. i'm just perpetually confused, because there's things i'm now realizing i've always thought and done that i've just assumed were normal but now i'm thinking maybe they're not. and i'm not trans, i don't feel like a male.
most of the time.
and some times i don't feel like a female or a male and i'm just a fucking lump of nothing and i don't understand anything and it's so fucking stupid. i have no problems with female pronouns, or male pronouns or anything, but that probably stems from the fact that my mother tongue is a language with non gendered pronouns so to me, it's kind of all the same. i have no issues with my body being female, but sometimes, some fucking times, i just want it to be a dick instead. or both.
and it's not really a big deal, because i guess all of this is one of two things. it's either me just being fluid on the gender spectrum or just me being weird. either way, not too big a deal. but what's been bothering the fuck out of me is that i have no one to talk to about it. because i want to, who knows, maybe it'll help me figure out what the fuck i'm feeling.
i have five people that i would feel comfortable talking to about something this personal in detail, and with this i can't for any of them.
christina has been a safe haven of no judgment and comfort for a lot of topics, and i would have gone to her with this too except that i know she doesn't really believe the whole gender being a spectrum thing, as a lot of people don't. and i'm scared of becoming another person that she will support but not truly believe.
ana would believe me, probably, but she would kind of cling on to it. she would bring it up more than i would want her to, she would make it bigger than it is. she would make me feel alien because she's trying so hard to make me feel normal. she's a fantastic sister, but i've come to learn that she can't give me what i need in terms of things that really bother me.
kaylyn i might've told if we saw each other more often. since i moved we haven't seen so much of each other and i don't want to unload this kind of shit on her when it's the first time i'm seeing her in months. if given the right time and opportunity i might, because i know she wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and she wouldn't not really take it seriously.
asma and shidi are kind of a similar case, but also not. they're my fucking soulmates and i love them both so goddamn much but i don't know how much they know about gender stuff, and there's also the fact that i haven't seen them in like three and a half years. we talk all the time, sure, but that's different. i'm going home for like 6 weeks during the summer so maybe then i'll talk to them but i just don't know.
i'm exhausted. i feel like i'm lying to people, or lying to myself. i feel like i can't tell people because they won't understand or try to or even care or believe and i don't blame them because i don't understand it, i sometimes feel like i'm making it all up. like it's something the internet put in my head, something i'm forcing on myself to be different. but i don't want it. i don't want to feel like i don't know what i am, like there's something wrong with me. i'm just
- Read more...
- 0 comments
For those keeping up with the never ending saga that is my dad's health and my current family situation here is the latest...
He had finished treatments for throat cancer back in October. Yesterday, we went to have some scans done on my dad's lungs for a spot that noticed back in January. The nurse practitioner came in and went over the scans with us and told us probably 10-15 times that everything looked good and that she wasn't seeing anything worth worrying about. We were elated and relieved.
10 minutes later, she comes back in the room and tells us that she was completely wrong and that there is in fact something developing on my dad's left lung. I never wanted to yell and attack someone more than that fucking nurse. Who the fuck does that? That shit only happens in terrible movies.
So, now we have to schedule another PET scan and have a biopsy done on his lung to see if it's cancer.
Yesterday was awful. Hearing my dad say, "I'm going to die. I just want to see my grand kids grow up," was probably the worst moment of my life. His attitude and outlook did improve once we met with the actual radiation doctor and he's ready to fight cancer again for the 3rd time.
Fuck. Positive thoughts, vibes and prayers are welcomed.