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  1. BeachBum
    Latest Entry

    By BeachBum,

    I'm very excited to announce that @kaylubd has been promoted to GDA Staff!

    They'll be joining us to help bring some life back to GDA and keep the site updated with Green Day related news for the fans!

    Welcome kaylubd! 

  2. bass boys blog

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    Kinda wish we still had the other subforums up  so  I could make a topic, but check it out yall- I finally got a band up and running.

    We went into the studio 3 weeks back to record our first track (with this lineup, these guys have been going on and off for 2 years) and now its available for streaming. We did our first gig two weeks back, and have another coming up this  weekend. Its been a hell of a ride. Gonna use this blog to keep yall updated on whats going on if anyones interested. Plus i think it'd be fun to have a journal of sorts if we end up taking this somewhere. Ill leave links below for our accounts for anyone thats interested in checking us out. Lots more to come hopefully.

    https://www.facebook.com/docattridge

    And since its the Green Day Community, heres our cover of Brain Stew. Really fun song, I think you guys will enjoy the added solo. Drew shreds. 

    So yeah, lookin forward to keeping you guys updated on whats going on. Cheers. 

  3. So this is something I've never done before, so let me explain.

    I've played through Mega Man 7 in the last couple of days. FUCK YOU DR. WILY. YOU OWE ME A NEW GAMEPAD YOU ASSHOLE. Aaaaanyway, while I did that, I thought to myself: "Why not just write everything you play every day into a little text document, summarize what you accomplished and then post it to GDC or something?" And yeah, I could just do videos for YouTube or something. But my computer just doesn't like me. I've attempted it before, it just won't work. So, this will have to do.

    So, with that being said, here's what I played today. It's not a lot compared to most days, but it's still something:

    Banshiryu (PC) - Chapter 1 - Waaah...!
    Man, I'm worse at this game than I remember..

    This is the only game I played today, and only for ten minutes too. It's a so-called "danmaku" or as some people call it "bullet hell". So, you play a character which is different in each danmaku (duh), in this game it's either a red-haired girl or a priest. I chose the priest this time. There's a very small hitbox where you can get hit, which makes it easier to avoid the hundreds of bullets on the screen at each time. And it's fucking difficult. Here's a screenshot I took in a very short moment of peace:

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    That spaceship down there is the player, and that up there is the boss of stage 2, called the "elephant." In the menu to the right, you can see the text "Left" and "Bomb". Left, obviously are the lives you have "left" before you must use one of three continues. When all three are used up, it's Game Over. You can use bombs to nullify all bullets that are currently on screen and convert them into points to boost the high score. But you have a limited amount of them, so use them carefully.

    Anyway, I only got to level four or five. I don't even remember how many stages there actually are, because I'm pretty sure I never actually made it to the end. :D But still, I was pretty bad, considering my high score is 6.2 million points, as you can see in the screenshot, but I actually only got to 3.3 million.

     

    These blog entries will be longer when I play more, but I had a lot to do today, so I only managed to get 10 minutes of bullet hell in. My plans for tomorrow are to play a 2D platformer that I've never played before, so that's gonna be interesting. I'm usually pretty good at jump-'n'-runs, but we'll see how good or bad I'll be in "Super Marisa Land". From the screenshot I've seen...

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    (Source: touhouprojectlovers.blogspot.com)

    ...it seems to be a Mario clone with Touhou character Marisa Kirisame as Mario? Awesome!

  4. Life with a ?

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    Outofmind
    Latest Entry

    Not allowed to make the music that I would

    my thoughts are truly reckless

    and very  misunderstood

    so now it is only poetry that I play

    with in the backyard of my mind each and every day

    I am not too courageous yet my name , that's what it means

    I am not a warrior and I am not allowed to scream

    I am in a prison of emotion and psychotherapy

    Debating on to watch it end all inside of me.

    I talked to many people about what is going on

    and if I did die it would raise too many questions about myself

    to run away will not make the troubles go away

    so act as if... you crazy b****…. you are a robot now

    made of flesh... but do your best.... not to care anyhow.

     

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    Jirachi
    Latest Entry

    Haven't written songs much before, and when i did they were awful so uh...this is my first attempt at a song in ageeessss. Im sure its not very good, but i tried :x

    I try to think of why i stay
    But nothing seems to come to mind
    I think i'd lose my mind
    If I still had one to lose
    Can you help me find a reason?

    I'm in a state of mind that will
    Most likely kill me in the end
    I am like a rundown car
    In an alley with a dead end
    Can you help me find a reason?

    I am trapped with no way out
    Like a rat in a trap maze
    I am stuck in a world of grey
    Can you help me out of this haze
    You fixed the game and stacked the deck
    There's just no way I could win
    You pushed me in now i'm in too deep
    I'm hanging on the razor's edge

    I think i'm going blind
    To the reason i stay inside
    This cage called you
    Can you help me find the key
    Or at least some better company

    You laugh and smile my way
    I can't say that I do the same
    My heart is bored its overboard
    In the sea you call a love life
    Can you help me find a way
    Or at least a reason to stay

    I am trapped with no way out
    Like a rat in a trap maze
    I am stuck in a world of grey
    Can you help me out of this haze
    You fixed the game and stacked the deck
    There's just no way I could win
    You pushed me in now i'm in too deep
    I'm hanging on the razor's edge

     

  5. I don't know how many or if any of you remember me, because I haven't posted for way too long. I want to give more than one update, though. Mainly not for the sake of giving an update, but because I know how some of you feel and it might give some of you some hope.

     

    I know that when I first came here, I was severely depressed. At school I was the outsider, at hockey I got bullied so much it ended with a broken collar bone. It destroyed me so much because I thought my hockey career would have ended as well. 

    Now, I'm out of school, I study and I'm happy with that. I went through therapy and it helped a lot.

    The main change, though, was the birth of my sweet daughter. Really, when I first looked into her eyes (she was born with her eyes open) I realized what true love is! From that moment on I knew I didn't need any hockey career to prove myself, I don't need a hockey career to be worth it, I don't need it to have success or be a good person. I had more than I ever wanted. 

    Four months later I got an offer, though. "You've trained here a few years ago. Do you have interest in playing in our team the next season?"

    Well, I have a baby. I'm alone with my baby. Okay, not completely alone, but would my parents really take so much of their time to help me out there? I told them of the offer. I was scared, nervous and already sad because I thought my answer would have to be a "no, sadly I can't". 

    "I have no idea how we'll do it, but we'll find a solution, so say yes to them". And that's what we did. We found a solution. I played that season and for the first time in yeeaaars I had fun playing. For the first time ever I really felt like I was part of the team and for the first time in years I was really nervous when I played. I didn't want to make mistakes. We're talking about women's first league in ice hockey in Germany (DFEL if anyone wants to google it). But I got better. I'm not one of the best players in the team, but I think I'll get better and better. I'll give my best. I'll be there next season as well, I hope! 

    What do I want to tell you with that? 

    Easy: believe in your dreams no matter how desperate it looks like and no matter what anyone tells you! I was 22 and didn't play for a whole season. Still I got to the place where I want to be! Most people told me I'm talentless. My self-esteem was at point zero and I never believed I would even get out of my depression.

    Also I was scared I could never care for myself and would do bad at parenting. I know, I can't prove I'm good at it, but my daughter gives me so much love and laughs so much, I just believe her ;D 

    Nothing is impossible! 

  6. maryjanewhatsername
    Latest Entry

    I've been insecure before, nothing new. Usually my insecurity is my place in other people's lives rather than something physical/my appearance. I worry about annoying others, pushing them away, or being too clingy. Especially when it comes to my romantic relationships - I've been trying to work past it for years. So something happened recently and I need some advice about whether I'm A) being stupid/insecure and need to knock this shit off, or if B) I'm right in feeling insecure. Back story to this situation (for just the situation skip to the green) :

    So my fiance was the manager for a (different than me) pizza place. Because of recent general management changes and decisions, Kenny has decided to leave to manage a restaurant for the company I work for (more money, less stress, less strict). Anyways, there's this girl who worked for him and she's about 16-years-old (Kenny is 21 turning 22 this year). She has a boyfriend but she's always talking to Kenny at work, texting him (work related, but things she obviously already knows) and calling him (work related, stupid shit). Well I've told Kenny I don't trust this girl, I think she likes him, and I think he needs to be more wary of her. She has a boyfriend but to me that doesn't deter people.

    Here's the issue, back story over:

    We went to his goodbye party for the crew to say goodbye to him, and she showed up in a skimpy skirt and kept staring at him and talking to him. When I caught her looking at him, she'd look away and look upset. I confronted Kenny about it and he laughed, assuring me he's mine. But, he also said "I just don't think she likes me, I don't think she's that kind of person". To me it felt like he was standing up for her instead of for me. Then I read the note she wrote him, which was a huge card in tiny writing. She said that his management was "better than anything she could have ever asked for". And she said that she couldn't even "begin to express how thankful" she was for "everything" he's done for her from the day he met her. ((To reduce my bias and to make this more fair for her, I'm including a quote without her name in the quote area below))

    Quote

    Kenny, as a crew we have been nothing short of absolutely spoiled. You have been such an amazing boss, and better than anything I could have ever asked for. You care for each and every one of your employees on a personal level, which comes so very rare for those often found in a manager position. You have been not only a mentor, a teacher, and an inspiration, but you've been one hell of a friend. I think I got way too lucky having you as my first boss, and part of me regrets it knowing that no other will be able to live up to the standards you've put in place. I've made friends and formed relationships that I never would have had the chance to develop if it wasn't for you. I can't even begin to express how thankful I am for everything you've done for me from the day I met you, to now.  But I wish you the best of luck for you and your future, and I hope you don't forget about me, and your crew. I know I can't do for you what you've done for us, but from the bottom of my heart I thank you Kenny.

    ❤️ (Girl's name)

    Is it just me or is this a little too clingy and too mushy to be saying to your boss?

    Should I be jealous? Is he standing up for her? Or am I just crazy?  Someone please bring me back to earth.

  7. This year, I published a book of Green Day fan stories and art. I wanted to document the band’s incredible impact on a diverse fanbase. So, I gathered stories and fanart from fans of all ages, from Greece to California to Costa Rica to China. All 161 pages are a truly wonderful testament to how Green Day have changed lives and the devotion of their fans. I knew I was going to be proud of it – and everyone in it – but quite how proud I was didn’t hit me until I opened up the box.

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    How it all began

    I was making My Rage My Love My Life – a documentary of my own experiences following Green Day on tour – when I got the idea. I knew I was going to exhibit my photos. They'd quickly become a document of the fan community as a whole, rather than just myself. I thought a little book of other fans’ stories would be an amazing addition. I asked for submissions – at this point just for stories, not fanart – and made a short book in InDesign. Then I exhibited it. It was the most popular part of my exhibit (sadly, no one got in my survival bag).

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    Exhibiting My Rage My Love My Life in Cornwall

    A while later, I put the book up for sale so everyone could read it. It was surprisingly popular!

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    We Are Revolution Radio, Volume 1

    I knew at this point – shocked by quite how much the stories moved me and knowing there were even more out there – that I wanted to make a bigger, better book. This time, I asked for fanart submissions, too. It would be the final book, so it had to be good!

    Volume 2

    Looking for more stories and art was a slow process. A lot of people who weren’t too shy, or too busy to submit already had. I kept plugging the submission page, but there was little interest. I tried approaching fan artists on Instagram, but they didn’t reply, deleted my comments or blocked me. With my 9 to 5 job, I didn't have much time to continue going out of my way to get submissions. The deadline passed, but I never got around to printing. I felt very disillusioned with the Green Day fandom and its drama and hierarchies at the time, too. How much the book meant to me and what a great project it was faded from my memory.

    When I pinned My Rage My Love My Life as an Instagram highlight, I included a few excerpts from the book. Unexpectedly, a lot of people messaged me saying they wished they’d been part of it, that they weren’t even aware of it until then, or that they wanted a copy. I went back to read it again. It immediately reminded me why I was doing it and how important it was to me and to document this. So I reopened submissions (feeling bad that I'd never got it done before!).

    People now had months to submit. It was, again, a slow process, but this time I wasn’t letting it go until I’d got as many fans as possible into it!

    Getting more submissions

    I tried a few different strategies. One was offering the option to submit in Spanish, French or Portuguese, but no one did. I made fun and more ‘serious’ calls for submissions. I encouraged friends who’d previously expressed interest or I thought would like to be in the book. Half of my attempts were successful. My most successful plan was recruiting my East Bay native partner to speak with fan friends in the area and one in LA. Some were shy or struggled to write, so I ‘interviewed’ them or we just chatted about Green Day and pieced together stories. They were stories I’d never have found by only appealing to visible or ‘super’ fans – but they were some of my favourites and moved me to tears!

    The biggest obstacle was definitely convincing shy or uncertain people their stories or art were absolutely worth a place in the book. I don’t know if I made a mistake giving people months to submit. Other than my partner’s unpaid internship at My Rage My Love My Life, the most submissions came in with my last minute reminders. Maybe I should have done that all along. It’s so easy to procrastinate or just forget to make time when you have forever to do something.

    Deciding whether to publish an eBook

    I had a long think about this. At first I was definitely going to offer a cheap eBook version to make it more accessible to everyone. A few weeks later I thought about how if I did, a free PDF would be much more likely to end up on the internet for anyone to see. Which isn’t inherently bad – I wasn’t looking to make money from it, after all. But the contributors shared personal stories under the assumption it would be a limited physical print people had to buy to see, not an easily accessible PDF. I also felt it wouldn't be fair to people who’d previously bought the physical book. So I decided against it. It’s a shame because I’d love it to be more accessible, but I don’t trust the internet with everyone’s stories.

    Why not make more books?

    A few people have expressed disappointment they weren’t in the book. Some felt I should make more books. Volume 2 is the final version, though. For starters, I don’t think expecting people to keep paying for extensions of the same book is fair. In total, people had almost two years to submit. I chased a lot of people who said they wanted to be part of it and approached others I thought might be interested. The majority didn’t reply or just never got around to it. Most genuinely didn’t have time and that’s a real shame. Before printing, some people had been waiting months to buy the book, so continuing to extend the deadline wouldn't have been fair to them either.

    I really wanted as many people as possible to be part of this, but if people don’t submit, there’s not much I can do. The same will happen if I make another book. A few more people will submit, but most who didn’t have time last year won’t have time this year. I did make it clear when I opened submissions for Volume 2 that it would be the final book, so I don't think it's unreasonable.

    Printing

    This time, with the book being over three times longer at 161 pages, I had to use a professional – and pricier – printer instead of the simpler company I’d used before. In early February, I put the book up in my store for £14.99 until February 18th. After that, I’d put in a bulk order. If I only sold a few books, I’d lose a huge amount of money and end up paying to send the books out. It was a scary gamble at first, but I soon sold enough to cover everything. As February 18th approached, I finalised the file in InDesign and prepared to send it to the printer.

    Despite having learned all about this at university, I was nervous. After all, studying something in a classroom and actually executing it are totally different things… and I wanted the books to be perfect for all the amazing people who’d supported and contributed to the project over the last two years. What if I messed it up somehow? I had a quick chat with the printer to make sure I was doing everything right and then I sent off the file.

    A heavy box arrived with DPD on March 6th. I opened it and there were all my very own, professionally printed books! It was surreal.

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    Opening the book box (having excitedly taken a few out already!)

    They were thicker than I expected. Even though I’d already published one book, this even better final product was somehow even more incredible. Flicking through and seeing everyone’s amazing art and stories there, in full colour and all their glory – I felt so proud! Despite having stared at my own art and story on InDesign for months on end, I was excited and a bit emotional to see that there, too. I knew then exactly why I’d done this and, regardless of inevitable drama, how special Green Day’s fandom really is.

    Shipping the books

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    This was quite a big job, but also exciting! The first five orders got a little gift for their support. After carefully wrapping the books, I passed them to @Rumpelstiltskin2000 to be sealed in mailers. Her sellotape fortresses then went into a Primark bag, ready to be shipped the next day.

    The parcels were transferred to some transport sacks (also known as my Pokémon backpack and Berkeley Bowl shopping bag) and we took them to the Post Office. I was a bit worried the Post Office lady might run away screaming. But no, she was professional and got it all done quickly. She even knew American Idiot. I left with a stash of comically long receipts.

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    And then it was done. My books had officially been published and dispatched. I felt like a proud parent. I sent out dispatch notifications, finished this and now I'm going to rest and play Pokémon.

    I hope this might inspire or help anyone thinking of making their own book. If you need any guidance, feel free to get in touch!

  8. This is the last of the lyrics for Angel In The Drone. I don't have anything else prepared after this, so this might be the last you hear from me, at least for a while. I hope you enjoyed all the shit that I wrote up until this point. Thanks for reading!

     

    God Willing

     

    Lift your hands to the heavens like Babel

    I'll be your sediment as long as I am able

    The thread around my heart cleaves it in two

    The red fibers stretch to the point I follow through

    And while the world changes in the corners of the gallows

    The bliss of the synapses while you're wading in the shallows

    Whatever our connection is, believe me

    God willing, nothing has moved me so positively

  9. https://driver93.wordpress.com/2018/11/11/new-discovered-albums-months-of-august-and-september/

    Caetano Veloso, Gal Costa – Domingo (1967) 8.5/10

    Peter Buck of R.E.M recommended this album. It’s Brazilian but it’s an amazing album. Probably only accessible on Spotify and vinyl (as I couldn’t find a CD of this album) But has this easy-listening and folk infusion. The vocals are clean. The instrumentals are also pretty clean and easy to listen to. I think this could be an essential record for people into world music. And what I consider world music as an American is foreign for starters, and has an ethnic vibe to whatever region the artists belong to. On a personal base, I wanted to give this album at least two listen throughs before making a rating. This is the first Folk and World infused album I’ve given a chance to, and will listen to it again.

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    Esprit 空想 – 200% Electronica (2017) 7/10

    A chillwave/vaporwave type of album. Definitely a must for avid vaporwave fans. People think of Vaporwave and only think of Macintosh Plus/Vektroid. Esprit 空想 has this chillwave vibe to their work; well with this album anyways. Generally I can’t give vaporwave more than an 8 out of 10, because of how it does sometimes blend into each song, and that can be overwhelming for my sensory issues sometimes; and could make me very tired easily. Not to say that this album is bad by any means, personally I have to be in the mood for this type of music anyways. It’s definitely not something I’d play on repeat every day.

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    Florence + The Machine – High As Hope (2018) 8.5/10

    I’ve heard mixed reviews about this album. From the first lesson, it definitely is a hit with me. I think people didn’t like the polarizing of the tracks. Honestly, this is Florence at her finest, with her vocal range. Yes, this album might not appeal to the mainstream media (people who are fanatics of mumble rap or trending music) Objectively my favorite tracks are: Sky Full of Song, Hunger, and Grace. Indie for sure, through and through. I wanted to give this somewhere between an eight and nine for ratings, so I decided 8.5 would be appropriate (just from my personal tastes).

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    Earth – The Bees Made Honey in The Lion’s Skull (2009) 7.5/10

    Introductory to Drone Metal/Rock. If you want to get into that genre, I suggest you all listen to anything by Earth really. This album in particular, I found via podcasts on iTunes circa 2009ish when I was a 10th grader in high school. For me personally, it does get to be a little boring after the first 2 tracks, because of how lengthy these tracks are (one being nearly 10 minutes long) with droning instrumentals, and no vocals; which is essentially the point of drone metal anyways. The album cover is interesting, I actually like it. There’s like 9 or 10 tracks on this album averaging around 6 to 8 minutes of a track. So around a 45 minute album.

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    Evanescence – Synthesis (2017) 4/10

    Objectively, this has to be Evanescence’s worst album. The concept was okay. But the execution was highly poor. There were two newish songs on there Hi-Lo which was a demo from the previous albums, and Imperfection which was the lone new single that has been written for this album. Other than that, Amy was trying to copy what Epica, Within Temptation, and all the other symphonic metal bands have done in the past. And it was poorly executed in my opinion. There was 12 tracks on this album 2 newish songs, and at least 1 instrumental. Then the remaining tracks were rehashes of older songs/hits. The only good songs that I care for My Heart is Broken, Lacrymosa, Lithium and Hi-Lo. They butchered Bring Me to Life and Imaginary for sure. I try to dodge this album if I can when on Spotify unless it’s the remakes of songs I enjoy.

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  10. Pinhead Gunpowder - West Side Highway

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    The Network - Money Money 2020 - of course this has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with Green Day 😉

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    Billie Joe + Norah - Foreverley Taiwanese CD with OBI

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    The Frustrators - Griller on black and red vinyl

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    U2 and Green Day - The Saints are Coming - Japanese promo CD single with OBI

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  11. Hello all! I'll keep this short and sweet -

    Tomorrow is the Extra Life game day! This is my fourth year participating and I am so excited! I'll be playing video games for a solid 24 hours to raise donations for the Children's Hospital of Denver, Colorado. I'd seriously appreciate anything you can give! If you can only give 5$, then perfect! Everything helps! 

    https://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=318285

  12. Who else thinks that today's "music" is stupid? raise your hand!

    Yes, the "music" that we have today is, actually to some, considered not music, because all it actually is, is mashed up sounds to create a tune.                                                                                         When was the last time you heard a new song from 2016, 2017, 2018 on the radio which actually used a proper instrument like guitar or so?

    I'm talking about songs like "the middle" by Zedd that blew up on radio stations this summer or Ocean by Martin Garrix... I don't hear any actual Instruments! Okay, sometimes you hear piano or drums that are also mushed up to sound kind of more electrical. I hate it!😫

    With Green Day, you have something for everyone and the best thing is that they still use actual instruments! It is a way for everyone to hear what proper instruments sound like. Sure they have maybe the one mashed tone, but the song isn't made out of it, you can still hear and recognize the instruments. They do it in way that sounds cool, people can relate to their songs, the songs have powerful messages that are different from the cheesy songs you hear today. Green Day has something for everyone, some of the newer generation might not hear it and understand it yet, but here on the Green Day Community, where true GD fans are, all understand what Green Day's music is.

    Green Day might swear a lot in their songs, it's still real music unlike today's.

    Why everyone should appreciate Green Day.

    They are actually real people not plastic image people like today, do mostly or always live singing not playback! Use real instruments on stage not a DJ playing in the background.

    Green Day might seem a bit weird to some people, but those people can go piss off.  Green Day have their moments of being crazy, but would ya just take a goddamn look at Justin Bieber!

    We all should appreciate GD for still being original, and so we do!

    Now all the musicians who haven't made it big out there, basically the people who play for friends and family, the private ones, you know what I mean? Anyway, they also mostly use instruments, which is good!

    but all the big famous ones always, always, always use this mashed up shit to create a song. Green Day doesn't.

    Yes, we all love Green Day here. 

    Which of the modern artists' music do you hate the most? 

    I hate Justin Bieber all the way to hell, I hate him so damn much I can't even explain how much I hate him! 

    Thank god Billie isn't Justin Bieber😀

    By the way, I also hate Eminem. 

    Sorry if you like one of those two artists, it's just my personal opinion.                                                                         

  13. Liam
    Latest Entry

    Okay so it's been a while since I updated this!

    Basically we ran into a bit of trouble during the painting process. First off, the weather is shit for a few weeks so the guy painting it couldn't really do it without it turning to shit. When he finally was able to paint it, he started relicing it and went a bit overboard so he had to restrip the guitar and start again.

    After getting it painted the second time, it was getting close to Christmas so he was shutting down for a few weeks. I had the option of him doing a rush job, or waiting till after Christmas when he was actually moving to my city and we could work on it together. It's currently in the processed of being reliced and looking fucking amazing.

    I figured it had been a while since I updated here so I wanted to give a little tease of the paint job. So here it is!

    EJilcsl.jpg

    WmtoUmG.jpg

    2gnjA1R.jpg

    Up next - Part Three: Relicing

  14. Sup

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    Brooklyn Baby
    Latest Entry

    Hi!!

    I have a request!

    I'm going through all my photos and trying to make sense of the insane amount of pictures I have, with the goal of making some photo albums. I realized I lost all of the pictures I had of me + the gang (aka the circle-jerk crew) from the time we all met up in Cleveland a few years back. I think I might have deleted what I had in a fit of rage or something, idk. Anyway, if anyone has any of those pics, would you mind sending them to me? My Green Day phase was such a fun time in my life and I'd really like to have the pictures for my photo project!

    I can't remember anyone's username on here anymore so if someone who's savvier than me could tag Alissa, Steve, Hannah, Eva, Carling, and WHOEVER ELSE WAS THERE and might have pics, I'd appreciate it! Thanks so much guys xoxoxo

  15. BetterThanAir
    Latest Entry

    This year has been a rocky one for me, hence my absence here on GDC. I still miss you all and lurk when I can. I figured I'd give you all an update if you're interested.

    • Ricki passed away on April 14th, and I've cried every single day since then. For those of you who don't know, Ricki was my cat who was almost twenty-two years old. He was my best friend and got me through so much in my life. To live through his legacy, I've created a non-profit to raise funds for senior pets in need of medications or medical procedures in my area. It'd mean a lot to me if you could like his Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/Ricki.and.Friends/
    • I finally graduated University. A photo is in the Photo Thread. :) 
    • I am currently working four jobs. I'm very tired.
    • I have recently signed up for pole fitness to build my confidence and get my old body back. I hope it goes well. 
    • My stomach disease has really taken over my life. I was not approved for surgery, so I am taking tons of medications for that, as well as my other medical issues. My medications have made me bloat bigger than I have ever been in five years. My self confidence has been shot down, and I have resulted in self-harm as of recently. It isn't something I am proud of, but I am seeking help for this.
    • I applied for my Master's degree in New York to be closer to Tom. :)
    • I am also completing my licensing exam to be a social worker in New York to be closer to Tom. <3 I miss him very much every day. 

    Uhhh other that that I'm not sure what else to say!

  16. Makingyourmascarableed
    Latest Entry

    Okay so I was one of the lucky few to have gotten tickets to The Longshot. Twice. 

    The first ticket was actually bought by my partner and I gave him my information because I needed just one ticket for myself.

    The second ticket happened Tuesday afternoon on the line as I was waiting to get in.

    Let's recap with Tuesday 5/22:

    • Get up at 6:00 AM and I’m at the venue at 7:30 AM
    • There’s six people in front of me which was surprising but this is also the fact it was raining on and off today (and the fact it’s not technically Green Day despite Billie being the front man and Jeff being there too)
    • People behind me start showing up sporadically between 11 AM and onward. There wasn’t 20 people around until about 3 PM? Maybe even later?
    • Load in happens with the crew
    • Throughout load in, we get a notification that they released 30 tickets for that night and Wednesday shows. I get a Wednesday ticket. 
    • Black car pulls up about a hour after. Billie is the first to come out. An unintelligible yell comes out my mouth but also everyone on line is screaming too. 
      • Side note: Actually very good looking human being and the fluff is real.
    • Soundcheck happens and then Jeff comes out but walks down the block and away from us. 
    • Billie comes out and a few people in front of me are calmly and quietly asking for photos (and people slowly begin to notice). So I made myself seen by Billie and I said something of the fact “I’ve been here since 7:30 AM may I please have a photo?” And we did make eye contact and mini acknowledge that I was to be next. Then this woman who was a few people away shoves me and goes underneath the sanction rope and then everyone starts swarming and pushing him more to his car. And then he says he’s sorry he can’t take any more photos because he has to get laundry. 
      • Going to be bitter for a while about it. 
      • ANYWAYS
    • Get inside and I’m front row and made myself go in between Billie and Jeff because center was out of the question and so was the far side. 
    • Opener was The Trashbags and they were…decent. I couldn’t hear much because I became a certified adult and brought earplugs because I knew I would wind up next to a speaker. The lead singer kept weaving in and out of the crowd during every song. Which was cool because not a lot do that and he got the party going.
    • Longshot gets set up and my heart begins pounding because it hit me I am arms length away from Billie Joe fucking Armstrong. 
    • They were incredible live. A lot of bouncing. My side of the stage wasn’t rowdy and we had a bit of elbow room in the front row too. There were a few people in the front who weren’t jumping around. And there was this older woman who had her arm out blocking a small area where someone could stand and also her other arm holding on to her kids and her feet were literally on the amp. I was like “…this is not the right show for you, lady.” 
    • He skipped over Happiness and we called him out on it.
    • After a few songs, my arm was covering Billie’s set list and he bent down to look and I had to move my arm away and then he looks right into my eyes and sticks his tongue out at me. So I did it right back and then he laughed and then I freaked. 
    • Got a pick at the end of the show when there was one on stage and this other kid behind me lunged for it too but my hand was quicker. 
    • I did leave when it ended because exhausted and also because I was there for almost 17 hours with a mini nap now and then. Also it was a literal sauna in the room.

    Recap of Wednesday 5/23:

    • Made it a point to not be there as early because tiredness and also that I had an interview at 1 PM and I didn’t want to leave stuff there and come back and then see it leave.
    • Get to the venue at around 2:30 and we have about 20 people in front of me. Tuesday it was pouring rain and a bit colder. And Wednesday it was bright and sunny and warm.
    • Met up with Anna from the Green Day group we had on here ages ago and on Twitter. 
    • Made friends with a few people on line too
    • The band doesn’t do soundcheck which was…odd. Or didn’t show up to the venue at all until after we got in. 
    • I get second row and get between Jeff and Billie again but people were taking up a lot more space so the amp was my friend.
    • Crowd was a lot more rowdy. A lot of pushing and shoving and jumping on all sides. Thought I was going to merge with the amp. 
    • Caught Jeff’s attention a few times
    • WILD ONE LIVE akjdsfhkldsjhgljkhdsjkahgdjklas
      • I will say Dos was my least favorite album of the Trilogy with Tre being my favorite. But Wild One is one of the songs I genuinely loved on it. 
      • The dork that is Billie had someone in the front hold the lyrics on a piece of paper.
    • We wait around and head outside and it takes about a hour and Jeff comes by. He does a few autographs and I managed a selfie with him. I thanked him for the show and hope he has a great remainder of the tour. He says it was great having you on his side of the stage because I was active and responsive. 
    • About a half hour later, I see Adrienne Armstrong and oh my god.
      • There are people I do get starstruck for. I did not realize she would be one of them
      • Her hair was pulled up in a high pony tail. She had minimal makeup on with black eyeliner/mascara and a red lip and she looked fucking STUNNING. Just such a beautiful woman that made me go “…oh my god.” Not only that but she has this aura about her that is welcoming and also you know she’s someone and want to be around her. 
      • I wish I could have told her she looked amazing and to thank her for putting up with the fans and that she deserves all good things
    • And then Billie comes out a moment after her
      • Now I will say a selfie with Billie is always goals and the dream. But the literal dream DREAM is for him to write down on a piece of paper “Better Thank Your Lucky Stars” from Waiting and it would be my next tattoo. 
    • Sadly…either didn’t happen. 
    • I didn’t want to scream and rush him but everyone did even though he said something among the lines of “selfies take too long and I will sign”
    • I asked about the lyric but he was getting rushed away by other fans and also his bodyguards saying he has to go. And I didn’t want to follow him down the block but fuck I wanted to do so because it’s a so close and yet so fucking far away. 

    I am not going to the Brooklyn show unless I do get a ticket and even then, I did say I would pick up a shift at work and money is needed to me because of other things. I know my friend Caitlyn will be going so I may ask her if she can somehow get the lyric for me. 

    Despite those so close moments, it was two of the best nights ever and two of the best shows I’ve been to. 

  17. Z J
    Latest Entry

    Inauguration Day

     

     

    Wailing winds carry forth the sound

    Of Empires past burning down;

    They’re buried deep beneath the ground,

    Sharing tombs with skeletons dispersed

    Throughout our history, but in this mall

    Stories of buried

    Empires before us fall

    On deaf ears.

     

    Silent, I wait in the park

    On Inauguration Day.

    Gray skies are falling;

    Weeping for a fool’s parade.

     

    The crowd bow their heads;

    Red hats wear white anger,

    Worshiping false-prophet’s rancor,

    Controls relented to Wall Street bankers.

     

    In the trees, I hear their whispers,

    And in their seeds, a disparate mixture.

    Hold for pity and for grace,

    Hold for all in broken faith.

    Wave to soldiers beyond the gates,

    Ask them if they know that they’re dying.

     

    Fanatics kneel as the whistle-blows,

    Echoing the strangest prose.

    See Spring rise from the streets below,

    See the early sun, the yellow rose,

    Toppling the golden towers,

     

    Gather here at midnight hour

    To usher in the turning flowers,

    The wiser half will turn and run.

    Why has no one told them that they’re dying?
     

  18. Writings and shit

    it's four am and i just realized that i have a blog where i could post literally fucking anything and not care so here it goes i guess; don't mind the ramble like nature of this i'm just kind of exhausted.

    there's something that's been bothering me for a long while and i didn't have anyone i felt really comfortable talking about it to; because it's just, i don't know, weird? unnatural? too unspecified? i don't even know.

    my sexuality was never something i really struggled with. the first person i liked was a girl, and throughout my childhood i was so separated from everything that i never really realized how homophobic the world was. even so, i was, interestingly enough, kind of homophobic for a while. not towards myself, but the type that's just kind of weirded out by it and says it's unnatural. i moved past it, all fine and dandy, whatever.

    gender was something i never really thought about, because i didn't know anything on the topic, you know? no one ever spoke about it, no one ever made me think about it, not in terms of gender identity. somewhere from the internet i learned about the fact that there are people who trans, and i was like ok, and still didn't think about it. since then i've learned a great deal more but again, i never gave it much thought in regards to myself.

    but recently i have. a lot. and here's the thing.

    fuck it's even hard to write. i don't know what the thing is. just that there's something, i think. i'm just perpetually confused, because there's things i'm now realizing i've always thought and done that i've just assumed were normal but now i'm thinking maybe they're not. and i'm not trans, i don't feel like a male.

    most of the time.

    and some times i don't feel like a female or a male and i'm just a fucking lump of nothing and i don't understand anything and it's so fucking stupid. i have no problems with female pronouns, or male pronouns or anything, but that probably stems from the fact that my mother tongue is a language with non gendered pronouns so to me, it's kind of all the same. i have no issues with my body being female, but sometimes, some fucking times, i just want it to be a dick instead. or both.

    and it's not really a big deal, because i guess all of this is one of two things. it's either me just being fluid on the gender spectrum or just me being weird. either way, not too big a deal. but what's been bothering the fuck out of me is that i have no one to talk to about it. because i want to, who knows, maybe it'll help me figure out what the fuck i'm feeling.

    i have five people that i would feel comfortable talking to about something this personal in detail, and with this i can't for any of them.

    christina has been a safe haven of no judgment and comfort for a lot of topics, and i would have gone to her with this too except that i know she doesn't really believe the whole gender being a spectrum thing, as a lot of people don't. and i'm scared of becoming another person that she will support but not truly believe.

    ana would believe me, probably, but she would kind of cling on to it. she would bring it up more than i would want her to, she would make it bigger than it is. she would make me feel alien because she's trying so hard to make me feel normal. she's a fantastic sister, but i've come to learn that she can't give me what i need in terms of things that really bother me.

    kaylyn i might've told if we saw each other more often. since i moved we haven't seen so much of each other and i don't want to unload this kind of shit on her when it's the first time i'm seeing her in months. if given the right time and opportunity i might, because i know she wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and she wouldn't not really take it seriously.

    asma and shidi are kind of a similar case, but also not. they're my fucking soulmates and i love them both so goddamn much but i don't know how much they know about gender stuff, and there's also the fact that i haven't seen them in like three and a half years. we talk all the time, sure, but that's different. i'm going home for like 6 weeks during the summer so maybe then i'll talk to them but i just don't know.

    i'm exhausted. i feel like i'm lying to people, or lying to myself. i feel like i can't tell people because they won't understand or try to or even care or believe and i don't blame them because i don't understand it, i sometimes feel like i'm making it all up. like it's something the internet put in my head, something i'm forcing on myself to be different. but i don't want it. i don't want to feel like i don't know what i am, like there's something wrong with me. i'm just

    tired.

  19. Hello, GDC.

    For those keeping up with the never ending saga that is my dad's health and my current family situation here is the latest...

    He had finished treatments for throat cancer back in October. Yesterday, we went to have some scans done on my dad's lungs for a spot that noticed back in January.  The nurse practitioner came in and went over the scans with us and told us probably 10-15 times that everything looked good and that she wasn't seeing anything worth worrying about. We were elated and relieved.

    10 minutes later, she comes back in the room and tells us that she was completely wrong and that there is in fact something developing on my dad's left lung. I never wanted to yell and attack someone more than that fucking nurse. Who the fuck does that? That shit only happens in terrible movies.

    So, now we have to schedule another PET scan and have a biopsy done on his lung to see if it's cancer.

    Yesterday was awful. Hearing my dad say, "I'm going to die. I just want to see my grand kids grow up," was probably the worst moment of my life. His attitude and outlook did improve once we met with the actual radiation doctor and he's ready to fight cancer again for the 3rd time.

    Fuck. Positive thoughts, vibes and prayers are welcomed.

  20. If you've paid attention to me recently, you'll know I went to Oakland in February. I wrote a thing about it here: https://wander.media/from-scotland-to-oakland-with-rage-and-love

    Please go read! (or at least click on the link and leave it open for a while)

    I really enjoyed my time there, and I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity, although there's still so many places I'd love to visit. I missed out on a Cover Ups show by about a week, which is frustrating, but at least I got to see Mt. Eddy. I might write something else about the trip here when I have time. 

  21. Good Luck With That

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    Would love if you guys would take some time to check out my soon to be released to the public EP Good Luck with That and help me choose the song to lead off on promoting the album this Monday. Please help, I'm more indecisive than you could ever know.

     

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