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  1. Andres
    Latest Entry

    By Andres,

    I'm so excited to announce that @Hermione has been promoted to Admin. I've only been asking her for several years.  

    She will join Lone and I in helping to run the forum and make decisions about the team and any changes we're looking into. 

    Hermione has always been very kind and incredibly thoughtful and fair when it came to disagreements either on the team or when discussing issues around the forum. She'll be a wonderful addition to the admins and I'm very excited to have her helping in this new role.

    Thanks for accepting the offer, Hermione! :happy:

  2. Now, for a genuine state of the union address,
    I call for indictment, call for the arrest
    Of the blight in the White House,
    Remove him right now
    These are fighting words
    'Cause this how the fight sounds
    I will now read the charges,
    First understand
    That Standing Rock
    Is sovereign native land
    But the pipeline puts cash
    In the President's hand
    So he ordered it built
    And those who stand
    In the way are oppressed
    No freedom of press
    Communications cut off,
    Signals blocked, no less
    Than gunfire, freezing water,
    Tear gas, sons and daughters
    Of the Sioux Tribe
    Unarmed, fighting for their water
    Their land invaded
    Graves desecrated
    For the President's
    Wallet to be inflated
    Freedom of assembly
    You can't debate it,
    But there's no question
    The rich and powerful hate it,
    That's the reason they made it,
    A crime to demonstrate
    Lock up anyone
    Who defies the state
    The end of liberty
    By design, don't wait
    To make a stand
    Soon it will be too late

    [Arrest Forty-Five
    The people's enemy
    The world can't wait
    For 2020
    Convict Forty-Five
    His regime in its prime
    Is guilty of treason
    And that is a capital crime]

    Forty-five owes
    A hefty debt to the Saudis
    The same sheikhs
    Secretly funding Daesh jihadis
    Yemen bombed to ashes,
    Piles of bodies
    In service to the oil lobby
    American tax dollars fund terror
    When civilians die, it's not an error
    "Take out their families"
    That's the straight from
    The mouth of the beast
    Dead children - forty-five
    Not upset in the least
    That's what he wanted
    Same how he has a plan
    To provoke a war with Iran
    That is treason, and a guilty man
    A traitor from the day
    His regime began

    [Arrest Forty-Five
    The people's enemy
    The world can't wait
    For 2020
    Convict Forty-Five
    His regime in its prime
    Is guilty of treason
    And that is a capital crime]

  3. Jake's Blog

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    Recent Entries

    I recently went to the Patriots Hall Of Fame. It was a great experience and I would like to share some photos. 


    Gillette Stadium


    A Look Through Patriot's Superbowl Past. 




    When Bob Kraft bought the Patriot they wanted to redesign the Patriots Logo. Here are some of the drafts they went through.


    Julian Edleman's Uniform during Superbowl 49


    Patriot's Huddle


    The Superbowl Rings




    Those were all the photos I took. This is my first blog entry. Just testing things out. 

    Man it's great to be a pats fan. :lol:

  4. Last song from this little fictional album. Samples "It's Now or Never" by Elvis Presley and the Philharmonic Orchestra for music and part of the lyrics.


    Image Eraser


    It's time to break free

    Hold me in a dream

    Enter the screen

    and pull me away

    From the static

    to the interference

    It's time to break free

    from the gleam


    Into the emptiness

    and away from life

    I see you there

    waiting for me

    Is this a program?

    Is this a trick?

    All I know

    is that I live on the knife


    It's time to break free

    from the falsehoods

    Come see this through

    and watch into the night

    Your eyes know

    all the ruin that appears

    It's time to break free

    and save our livelihoods



    It's now or never

    Come hold me tight

    Kiss me, my darling

    Be mine tonight

    Tomorrow will be too late

    It's now or never

    My love won't wait


    This digital age

    has ups and downs

    but we'll be alright

    in the rain and shine

    But we'll be alright



    It's now or never

    and it's time to break free

  5. Time: [4:42 PM]



    It's Saturday and this is how I'm spending the rest of the afternoon. Coffee, laptop and blasting music. I accidentally spilled a shit ton of sugar in my coffee, but ah well. 


    My playlist, if anyone is interested.

    I just had something to eat, I made toast with eggs and served this with rhode island sauce and avocado.



    Throats with age road ice land sausage and Ava cadors 😍😍👌💦💦 bone app the teeth

    I'm so sorry for the horrible title, but I'm very quickly running out of ideas here.

  6. It's been a long time since I wrote a blog last, but this feels like a good time to do so. :) So much exciting stuff has been happening in the past week aghh I have to share it with y'all. Because, y'know, you're all like a second family to me. 

    Firstly, my work was chosen to be the official logo for this years County Fair in my town. It features the American Eclipse (coming August 21st) and our town is right on the line where the moon and sun will be crossing paths, for the perfect viewing experience :P Anyways, here's the logo for that. It'll be on banners, guideline books, and possibly some merch. ;)



    And next! (I'm so damn excited about this!!) I was checking out my brother's issue of Game Informer, to find my work had been posted in the fanart section. I sent them my work back in December without high expectations, but I damn near had a heart attack seeing it in there this morning :lol: I'm so happy it got picked, to be seen by thousands upon thousands of video game fans across the world! Keep an eye out for the newest issue! ;)

    16707627_1207630129306328_32880339363780 16807014_1207630132639661_31293930960719

    In other related things, I think for now, I'm not going to college for Art, because I feel like I have a pretty good grasp on it, and what I really need to concentrate on is animation and coding, which I'd much rather put my money into to learn things I don't know over things I do. Also! I'm getting a printer soon to do some prints of my work! Which means some sweet, HD prints of my Green Day drawings *wink wink* :P

    And I'm working on sorting out the mess that is the bridge between public schools and homeschoolers. The State Art Symposium is coming up in April, which is the largest art show in my state, providing a wonderful opportunity to get more exposure, hopefully to some art colleges. However... Public schools and homeschoolers hold this ancient grudge against each other, so wedging into it has been tricky. :lol: I'm glad my art teacher has been so helpful sorting out all that nonsense, though haha.

    For now, that's all that's going on in my world. :P These days, it's always art related, which I'm fine with, as I now live, breathe, and sleep art. 


  7. Lady Darkling
    Latest Entry


    Is this death?

    My bones melt,
    I drop away from myself,
    choking air sticks to my soul,
    my life dissolves in oxygen,
    and my thoughts off and empty.

    Is dreaming death?

    I hide myself in clouds,
    body still visible and cold,
    my entire being vibrates,
    the excitement of one answer
    makes me restless and breathless.

    Is hiding death?

    The door sings for me,
    slow and sweet,
    I cannot go back anymore,
    nor do I want to, to a life
    meaningless and full of phantom pain.
    Is heaven death?

    It is standing in front,
    on the other side of the door, smile
    upon its lips. First friend,
    then grandfather, and last

    Is she death?

    She does not open the door for me,
    staring at the body I have no longer,
    at the thoughts that fell from my pockets,
    but she has not words for me,
    emitting only hatred.

    Is pain death?

    She whispers something that does not reach
    me, I near the glass
    of the door, hand moves on its own and on this
    door it sits, and in that second her words
    come: “You are not welcome here.”

    I fall from the sky and die,
    then arise and in an abandoned road
    I walk.

    I think life is death.


    Moods: suffering from a migraine since like 4 AM and now it's like 12 AM and I have to read a thing for AP Lit what is life


    Stay Dirty


  8. Scattered

    Hi everybody. :)

    Are you wondering what this means?


    Keep reading this post: you'll discover it soon.

    Let's get to the point. I created a secret alphabet.

    It has a particular characteristic: every symbol of the alphabet is an intersection between the capital letter and the lowercase letter.

    For this reason I decided to call it "Mesoalphabet", being in the middle between the two types.

    Now I'm showing you how the letter H is formed:


    First, we write down a capital H turned 90° clockwise. Then we intersect it with the lowercase H. A new symbol is formed. Now, we have to delete some parts of the symbol to make it less similar to something related to the H and... Here's our new letter.

    This applies to all the letters. 

    The complete alphabete:


    If you are curious about how a letter is formed, don't be afraid to ask. :happy:

    But now you have all you need, translate the sentence I posted before...

    Hope you like it! :)

  9. There's many ways the write about your first time seeing your favourite band live (Leeds, 05/02/17), an event I've waited for for over half my life. I chose my favourite: rambling, inconsistent poem, filled with references you may or may not get. 


    cover the streets 

    in your plastic garb

    throw your blankets out

    and run inside

    rain for cover

    like a stampede of unicorns

    know your enemy

    never forget

    the fallen

    king sized hopes

    and pocket sized regrets

    the confetti of the crystal maze

    dreams are made

    as others crushed

    time moves too fast

    what are you waiting for?

    drunk italians in the night

    constant changing colours

    to feel warm again

    the sleep that evades us all

    chasing a new high

    wrapped in foil

    feeling faint

    but still alive

    pinching yourself

    because you're still breathing

    shake your fist at escalators

    tour the world in your rucksack

    check in

    check out

    live on the road

    buses and trains

    start another chant

    we are the unreleased songs

    the unplayed tunes

    the stolen tapes

    we are the cereal bars in the morning

    the doughtnuts in the afternoon

    the McDonald's in the middle of the night

    we are the waiting

    blue hair running up and down

    waving sticks

    mouth is dry

    feet are numb

    heroes thanking heroes

    cursing politicians

    all we need 

    is love and positivity

    and another encore




    anyway, here's wonderwall

  10. Okay, since @I don't care posted her beautiful lyrics in her blog, I have to hold up my end of the deal and tell you about the Twilight fanfiction me and my best friend wrote a few years ago.


    A girl called Mel Ann Choly lives with her father Brock Choly in a small town called Knifes. Her mother Phyll A. Delfia remarried and lives together with the gunslinger René Gade. Mel is deep and very sad and her eyes are tragically beautiful. Whenever she's especially sad she visits the zoo to feed the penguins with Kinder Pingui. Little does she know that these penguins aren't just regular penguins - they'e werepenguins. Every day they  turn into humanoids. One of them is Roman Tic, her love interest with oily, shining astral body. He lives in his compound with his parents Ben Evolent and Emme Pathy who adopted him as a wee baby penguin, his brothers Hugh Jabs, who is very strong, and Al Loan, who is a loner, and his sisters Elle Gance, who's a pretty penguin with eyelashes, and Fortuna Teller who knows exactly when the feeding times are. Mel and Roman are star crossed lovers, they simply cannot be. Because beastiality is illegal. Mel's classmate, Fred Zone, is in love with her and very jealous of her destined penguin so he and his friend Barbara "Barbie" Gal make it their mission to make Roman's life hell. Roman becomes fed up with his life and decides to end his life by stealing the infamous Emperor Penguins' (Agatha Power, Mel Efficient and Arro Gance) snacks. 


    That's not the complete fanfiction but a rough draft of the plot. We did this years ago and it's actually funnier than I make it sound. It got lost on someone's drive years ago and the only thing I had was the names and the .. well, rough plot. I regret telling @I don't care about it in a moment of weakness, I should have known better. Of course she would use it against me. 

    Fuck you Agnes.

    You killed Mufasa and my street cred. RIP in peace.


  11. Crescent moon thumbnail
    picking into dimpled flesh
    centre excavated, exposing 
    delicious light pink wetness,
    citrus zeal effervesces;
    little, tough sinew
    stays wedged inside
    between thumb and thumbnail,
    slivered skin rind.
    Cantaloupe armor dressed
    in leopard print
    teeth bore through to taste the
    fruit within
    skin all sucked purple
    by my lips
    and the meat rounded in my
    fingers like a prayer bead;
    scoop out the pulp with a 
    tongue, spit out the seeds.
    Halve the fruit 
    to saturate yourself with 
    the golden liquid inside; get sticky
    juice on your fingers and cheeks,
    peel off and compost
    the thick skin rind.


    Here's the link to the full chapbook I made with my own poems and illustrations.

    The idea behind the book was for it to be an exploration of the loneliness, and the desire for connection, which are both an intrinsic part of the human condition. It contains poems and accompanying illustrations. The poems are inspired by people I have met and who I have come to know during my first few months at university. All of the material in the book was created within that time (barring the poem Wallow, but I feel it is still very relevant) and is centered around the theme of human interaction and closeness.

  12. No, I promise, I didn't get hacked... :P

    I just wanted to put out a little PSA for anyone who has student debt or a mortgage and a smartphone (which, let's be real, is pretty much everyone in the U.S.) about a free app that I've been playing that awards daily cash prizes to pay student loan payments and mortgages. It's called Givling and it's picking up steam. Check out this Business Insider story. You get one free play per day, meaning you can win money every day without paying anything.

    If you want to play, join using my invite code and you get a second free play on your first day: AW972977

    Currently 10 people are in a funding queue to have $50,000 of their loans paid off. Once those are paid, another 10 will enter the queue, four selected randomly. Queue people can also get $25,000 toward a mortgage if they don't have any student debt. Let me know if you decide to join and what you think of it. Good luck! :happy:

  13. Story for a Stranger 




    On a cool Autumn morning,

    I sit in the cafe on the corner 

    of fifth and Warner,

    and have a coffee to begin my day.


    Each day I order the same drink,

    lightest they have with room for cream 

    and a sprinkle of sugar. 


    Each day I’d take the drink

    and sit on a stool by the window. 


    I’d sit, and look through the glass

    at people walking their dogs 

    on the sidewalk.


    Each day I’d talk with my friend 

    who’d stop by on the way 

    to work. 


    After he left I sat longer still.

    Each day I’d sit, and across the street 

    there’d be a girl. 


    She sat on her fire escape,

    staring out over the world

    that lay before her. 


    Each day, she’d sit out there.

    I wasn’t always aware of why,

    but often times she’d bring 

    a notebook to write in.


    I wondered often of what she wrote,

    what she thought of.

    It always seemed impossibly important,

    I felt as if she were a performer 

    cast to glare longingly out over busy city



    Some days our eyes meet,

    or so I think,

    even then she doesn’t seem to notice

    me from her perch.


    Her eyes search over the cars and heads 

    of people rushing to god-knows-where 

    and her slumped shoulders carry 

    a certain despaired and wary look.

    Today, while I finish my coffee in the cafe 

    I create my own story for her.


    She hasn’t written a poem in a while.

    Her mind’s been running ‘round in circles

    behind a phony smile. 


    There’s something coming—

    whether it’s a remedy, reckoning, or realization—

    she doesn't know, but she needs it ‘cause she’s restless 

    and far-passed reconciliation with herself. 


    She doesn’t know what’s been at her,

    perhaps it’s just a matter of concentration.

    Or lack thereof,

    it could be the consequence of feeding 

    a bleeding heart with drugs. 


    Instead of love 

    she chooses solitude.

    Both in spirit and 

    in her use of moral platitudes.


    It’s this attitude,

    this attraction to isolation 

    but occasional yearning for conversation,

    that sets her mind uneasy.


    It’s as if two tectonic-plates grating passed 

    each other were embedded in her head

    and she hadn’t the means to escape. 


    She’s stuck in a slump

    she’ll have to break,

    she wants to put pen to paper, 

    she wants to create.


    I’ve finished my coffee,

    so I set it on my plate.


    I suppose that'll be it for today. 


  14. Who's the real reason we live in troubled times? Assholes like this.


  15. In this post I just want to share my musical highlights of 2016

    Song of the year: And then there was silence - Blind Guardian (A Night at the Opera, 2002). No day has passed without I listened to this masterpiece. 14 perfect minutes of music.

    Album of the year: Imaginations from the other Side - Blind Guardian (1995) and Litourgyia - Batushka (2015)

    Best album released this year: Winter's Gate - Insomnium

    Best concert I've been to: Hans Zimmer, hands down. I still shiver every time I think about it. It was so perfect, so great and a dream coming true.

    Best festival I've been to: Ragnarök Festival. It was small and cozy and cold (because it was in the beginning of april and I slept in a tent!)

    New genres I discovered: Black Metal, Blackgaze, Doom Metal

    New bands I discovered: Agalloch, Nargaroth, Nocte Obducta, Swallow the Sun, BATUSHKA!!

    Festivals I've been to: Ragnarök Festival, SummerBreeze, Christmas Bash

    Concerts I've been to: Hans Zimmer, Brainstorm/Winterstorm, Amon Amarth

    Concerts Ive missed again: Sonata Arctica, Behemoth, the Vision Bleack, Van Canto ( :( )

    Highlights of 2017: probably live-album of Blind Guardian, Insomnium Show at Ragnarök festival, NEW WINTERSUN ALBUM!!!

  16. Having done GDA for 12 years now, it's amazing to think of how different, and similar, things are. GDA feels like a juggernaut compared to other fan sites. We just recently passed 100k followers on Twitter, 226k followers on Facebook. In the past 6 months we've had 1.2 million visits (2.4 million page views). 

    While things are still pretty good, I can't help but look and wonder how different things could be. 

    Back in 2004 when I started, before sites like Facebook and Twitter, there were a bunch of small fansites. It was fun competing with each other sites like greenday.net, geekstinkbreath, billiejoe.org, greendayvideos.net, GDUK, to name just a few. It was a race to see who could get news up faster. Who would grow the most, who could offer something new and better to fans. I loved it. I spent nearly all my free time working on GDA. Chatting with people on AIM, then the GDA Chat Room. It felt like a real community.

    It's different now that most sites have fallen off, and GDA and GDC have grown so much. I mean, we have more traffic than the official forum (a point that someone on Green Day's team highlighted recently - "we know you guys have the community we wish we did"). The main problem now is that there aren't really any more fansites, so a certain type of competition is gone. There are fan pages on Facebook, fan-related Twitter accounts, fan Tumblrs and Instagrams. The main issue we have at GDA is the speed of getting content out. Even though it's not a lot of work, it's recognizably harder to write up a post and put it on GDA than it is to just copy/paste a headline and link and post on FB or Twitter. I also think there's a much lower threshold of quality that people want on social media.

    Much of the last year has felt like trying to play catch-up to a harder medium. I can't help but feel like we're failing on two sides. We take longer to post stuff up AND we don't even get everything posted. Some things come and go and we never get around to it.


    Both points were totally valid and we deserved the criticism. I really do appreciate honest and constructive criticism. So I took applications for GDA editors a couple months back but decided to hold off on bringing anyone new on the team. Of course, I was called out then as well for more than likely not promoting someone because I'm stubborn and like to do everything myself. Again, totally valid. 


    It's hard for me to trust people to do a good job and make sure they don't fuck us over. Yes, I have terrible trust issues and it's leading to GDA being way behind other Green Day related accounts. This year even the official site/social media accounts have stepped it up. It looks like they hired some more people to manage the accounts and they get stuff out first and regularly. Since GDA kind of became the primary fan site, the only real competition I knew we'd have was with the official site stepping it up. And after 10 years, they have. 

    So now I don't know exactly where to go. We need to do a better job, and I go through phases of being 'Super-Andres' who posts stuff, and works on code, and upgrades GDC, to pretty much disppearing for several days/weeks. I don't know how to balance that out. I get super excited about something and just go till I get burned out, then hide away for a bit till something brings me back around. 

    12 years in, this whole thing hasn't gotten easier. Different challenges than we had back then, but still challenges none-the-less.

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    Last weekend, I took a day trip and during the drive to and from I decided to listen to the Green Day albums in order uninterrupted (save for the event I went to). This was significant for me in many ways. In truth, I have a terrible habit of not listening to anything as an album anymore. After importing all of my CDs to my ipod years back, I seemed to have it on permanent shuffle. Maybe it's just that I'm never going anywhere long enough for an album listen. Anyhow, I really wanted to go on this chronological GD journey and it certainly was enlightening:

    1039 Smoothed Out Slappy Hours
    - If any album takes a "least favorite" place, it is this one. It felt, in essence, like 19 of the exact same song and I quickly became impatient with it. Now, in theory, I suppose it's hard to judge it like that because although we view this as an album now, it was originally what, three albums? And were only combined after the fact.
    - Annoyances aside, listening to this is so funny purely for how drastically Billie's voice has changed. With this and Kerplunk, sometimes you feel like you're listening to another band entirely.

    - I expected to feel the same about this one as the first, but I liked it more than I realized.
    - I previously would have said that Words I Might Have Ate was my favorite off of this, but I think with this listen Christie Road took that spot very easily.

    - I've always had a hard time picking a "favorite album" and I still do. Given their style shifts over 20 years, it's hard to get comparative. But I think if my answer was this album, I would feel confident and satisfied with that.
    - Even more difficult is picking a true #1 song. Right now I'm giving it to When I Come Around.

    - I used to think some of my least favorite songs were on this album, but I'm not sure that's the case anymore. Of the early albums, this is an easy 2nd placer.

    - Holy crap, this one was a shocker for me. I really did not enjoy listening to most of this album and it fell very low on my overall rankings very quickly.
    - You can definitely tell it's a sign of style shifts. You've got songs that seem typical and fitting with the previous 2 (Hitchin' A Ride, Nice Guys Finish Last) and then you get the outliers (King For A Day, Walking Alone is indicative of their next steps). I appreciate the experimentation, but I have to say that there are just so many songs on this album that are forgettable to me.

    - This one did the opposite of Nimrod for me- songs that I thought were forgettable and uninteresting were much more enjoyable for me this time. The catchiness of the songs is strong in each and that's something I tend to be shamelessly drawn to in music overall.
    - I should note here that I followed this up with the three IS songs, and Shenanigans before I moved on to AI.

    American Idiot
    - I expected to have this album be revitalized by listening to it again. Alas, it did not escape its reputation and, ironically, it fell on my list. We cannot argue that this album was a success, was well done, was/is iconic- to some degree or another. But I found myself listening to this album and being uninspired by 90% of it. I think it's fallen victim to being overplayed for me. JOS will always reign for me emotionally. It seemed to be immune. But Holiday is a good example of a song that gives me no excitement anymore. Each song is radio hit after radio hit and it's completely lost its power for me. JOS, Whatsername and Homecoming remain some of my favorite GD songs ever, but the rest of it, not so much.

    21st Century Breakdown
    - It will be blasphemous to say, but I enjoyed listening to this more than AI. Part of it is probably the era itself, but even those first few songs are just invigorating.
    - I can absolutely admit that its biggest flaw is its length. There's a whole section that I probably could have easily done without. And 21 Guns will remain one of my least favorites of all time...but overall, I quite love this album and I feel that I'm in the minority there. Oh well.

    Uno, Dos, Tre
    - I should first note that my drive stopped in the middle of Uno and I ended up listening to the rest after the fact so they didn't get the same "in a row" treatment as the rest.
    - My opinion remains largely the same with these and in truth I don't think they're worthless. They are good songs. I think when most of us are criticizing them, we're really subconsciously disgruntled with the era and the situation itself. It was a dark time. The songs will probably always have to carry some sort of baggage that way. But there are gems. X-Kid is easily my second favorite song of all time if we're going to continue to give When I Come Around the top spot.
    - One thing that is completely successful here is the thematic structure of the three albums. The lighthearted start of the party, the out of control middle, the hangover redemption. They seem to perfectly represent that.

    Revolution Radio
    - I like this thing more every time I listen to it. I think it ranks pretty high up there for me. Another blasphemous statement, I suppose.

    Final Rankings:
    - I would note that this is purely a representation of the order of which I personally enjoy them as opposed to a true analysis of which albums are better than others musically, commercially, etc.

    • Dookie
    • Insomniac
    • 21st Century Breakdown
    • Revolution Radio
    • Warning
    • American Idiot
    • Uno
    • Tre
    • Kerplunk
    • Nimrod
    • Dos
    • 1039 SOSH

    And who knows...this could easily change in another 5-10 years when I realize I need to listen to everything again. Although, hopefully, there will be a lot more albums to add by then so it may be more difficult. :happy:

  17. Recycle Bin

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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry

    I look around me to see where do I fit in this world... every time I think I found my seat, I get chased away by the people who think that I'm the odd one out.

    I never belonged anywhere, not in school, not in university, not even in my own home. My society thinks that I'm weird, other societies also think that I'm weird since I have a cocktail of interests and a contradictive mixture of beliefs that make me the outcast wherever I go.

    To the people around me, I've always been the girl that likes things no one else likes, and for that reason there's nothing in common between us to talk about. Despite the fact that I don't think there's anything wrong with their interests they seem to think that there's something wrong with mine. This led me to have only two options: either keep my mouth shut and pretend to be someone that I'm not just to fit in, or I be myself and accept the outcome even for the price of not having someone to talk to.

    I picked the latter.


    I'm sorry that talking about your dilemma of picking a lipstick that matches your outfit is something that would put me to sleep.

    I'm sorry that I like cars more than I like fashion.

    I'm sorry that I like rock instead of pop.

    I'm sorry that I'm sentimental and not materialistic.

    I'm sorry that you never understood me, and you never will.


    And I'm sorry that I'm not sorry for who I am...


    I had to get it out of my system

  18. UYkEK7d.jpg

    I don't know what to do
    To get me back to you.
    I've got nothing left to lose;
    I'm sadness, tears and blues.

    All bridges have been crossed;
    I guess our love is lost.


  19. Hi whoever manages their way over onto this blog thingy I just have to vent about the recent things ive seen "fans" of Green Day say that's really grinding my gears. <Terrible Family Guy meme> So as of recent ive seen a lot of people who claim to be fans of Green Day or their music leave -I guess that's how you would put it- the fandom or stop/ boycott listening to the music altogether because they found out Billie didn't vote for Trump or because of all his recent political posting. Like how do people logically think "oh because he has a different opinion on POLITICS his music sucks now and I hate them" Like the hell? Like ive seen someone say they've been a fan since they were a baby now they arent because hes posting his opinion. Someone else said "Dont make me hate you guys now" all because he didn't vote Trump. Do people turn into mindless brainwashed monkeys when he comes to politics and the election or something? Do people lose all sense of logical thinking? 


    Yeh so.... venting/rant over


    Heres a nice meme Click 4 meme


    UPDATEARINO- Called the person out who left the fandom because they didnt like that he posted his opinion on politics, gets called stupid and blocked.

  20. We cannot escape the perceptions of us held by others, nor can we escape from our perceptions of others and the truth that the people we surround ourselves with are who we make them out to be. 

    If we accept this to be true, we are at any one time the version of ourselves that others hold to be true. That doesn't diminish us as an individual in our own right (unless the view of us held is inherently shitty) but it's explain why we can be such a different person around different people. Maybe not everyone is: I’m not saying what follows applies to everyone because there are always exceptions to the rules, and there are underlying consistencies in our personalities and beliefs which mark us our own person. But I know the people around me change who I am, to some extent. 

    At school I was pegged as the quiet, submissive nerd. To this day, around a lot of the folk from school who gave me a hard time, that is what I revert to. If anyone has seen The Rock and Kevin Heart's film Central Intelligence, there is a great scene demonstrative of that where The Rock’s powerful, loud but insecure rogue CIA agent is confronted by his high school bully and shuts down. 

    Around my friends, especially Uni friends, I'm a leader. They think of me as a bit of a dick, but definitely no arsehole and certainly not a cunt. I've been described and labelled as charismatic, funny and headstrong so those are the traits I inhabit. Already on my new MA, I’ve been pegged as ‘knowing a lot’ and being confident, so I’m comfortable piping up to ask questions and debate in lectures.

    If someone had said I seemed a bit thick, that’d have changed my persona within that context. Abby, a girl who I lived with and who holds me to account like few others, has noted that girls get quickly infatuated with me – which sets both parties up for a fall. I've frequently felt unable to match those expectations.

    Likewise though, I know I bring out sides to my close friends they otherwise wouldn't be considered as having: around me, my friend Dunks becomes far more assertive, focused and particularly lexically fixated. Around his musical friends he – surprise, surprise - is a character dominated by his musical talent. Around Alex I inspire feats of hitherto untold hedonism, but also quiet warmth and stillness he otherwise lacks.

    Closeness is another factor.

    People often say they are their true selves around their closest friends or partners, but I'd disagree. Intimacy allows further walls to be broken down and trust established, but it also makes the other persons view of you even are powerful. My personality is drawn to its extremes by the people who are close enough to me to have mined deep enough to find them: Emma, my oldest friend, cuts through my pride like no one else because she was the only person who knows me now who was close to me as the short fat bullied 12-year-old who cried on her shoulder. It’s not to say that is how she sees me, but it's how she knows me. I'm also the funniest I get around her, partly because that's what she expects of me. It gives me the freedom to crack a joke I otherwise wouldn't. But that's one of the consistencies in my personality: I cherish making people laugh because I know what it's like to be sad. Some people bring out the worst, some the best, some just magnify everything , because it matters so much and the chemistry runs deep. Electricity is bright, but it burns and occasionally short circuits. 

    Perhaps all of this is why it holds true that you always only find good relationships when you're not looking. Whoever comes along isn't clouded and shaped by your preconceived notion of 'what you want.' It’s quite difficult to live up to an idealised vision of a partner that has been created internally, separate from you, to fulfil their specific needs. No real person can do that. We also can't force open mindedness regarding new people, to do so is still to shape the people you meet before you've met them. If you need to be loved, you will find love and admiration in anyone who gives a modicum of attention. Likewise, if you find the whole notion of a relationship or new people in general wretched, meeting people will be a wretched experience. 

    That's important with regards to social anxiety. If you anticipate being on edge around people, or people finding you awkward, that's what will be. This isn't mindless theorising anyway. As a lecturer, I have to shape the perception of myself as being worthy of respect and being in control. It’s similar to theatre - actors plant the seeds of the character in the minds of the audience. How well they do this dictates how successful or high quality the performance is. An actor without an audience is just a person. It’s the audience who establish and accept that they're playing a character. Crowds, like individuals, reflect this basic point of human nature on a massive scale: if the crowd demands a villain they will get one. If the crowd bays for a demagogue, one shall be created. Look at the US election. 

    This leads me back to an earlier point: when we are alone our identity breaks down. A few days alone time is always healthy. But go too long, or too regularly, and the only mirror you have to see yourself is yourself, and that is an infinitely deep vista. Small wonder depression, anxiety and even early death is linked with loneliness; if you've ever been stuck ratting around your own head without release, you'll know it feels like you're killing yourself. Perhaps worse, if you plant the perception of being a loaner in others' heads or even worse expect others to have that perception of you when you do escape the confines of your mind you do what we do: become what people think you are. 

    Likewise, if you are desperate to impress you'll lose sight of who you are. I've fallen into that trap. The cruelty of it is that it often feels like utter bliss when we get the affirmation we so crave. There’s a fine line between being a part of something and giving yourself up for someone. But that's the role of self-esteem and self-worth: the more you have, the less reliant you are on other people's views of you for happiness. This isn't to say that those with unlimited self-esteem are more likely to be consistent across everyone they know, it just means that they value themselves and their positive reflection without the negative festering. Self-love doesn't so much direct us towards good people and second as much as it does steer us away from the bad ones. 

    So it's worth being mindful that we are only that which we are perceived to be - but the consistencies across those varying perceptions, and the universal experiences, knowledge and feelings we hold mark us as ourselves as individuals. Just don't spent too long on your own, or that individual will unravel.


    Or long essay short, Eminem:


  21. Affle speaks

    Latest Entry

    Maybe punk's not the right word but... This is just weird.

    I went to lock my phone and remembered that I had stored a piece of paper between my phone case and my phone for safe keeping.
    A few days ago I had worn my Rancid shirt to work. We were getting a delivery of milk to the store and the guy who was bringing it in had recognized my shirt and knew who they were. Bonus points for him, now he's cool.

    Before he officially left he came back in and gave me a little piece of paper and said they were bands I should check out on Facebook. Gon Publik and One Last Crime. Why not, right? So I put that little piece of paper behind my phone. 

    Figured I'd look them up tonight, and lo and behold, the milk guy is in both of these bands and singing. Holy shit??


    I'm just at a loss for words and thought hey why not post about this here?

    Rock on lil milk man \m/

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    Aww, look at my blog name. That's cute.

    It's weird , I haven't been on here in 3 years.


    I remember coming on almost every morning before school, sometimes during school, then after school. Back when I was convinced that Green Day was what made me happy, I could just fire up an album and lose myself in the music.

    I don't know what changed. I still love them, but they're just a band now. I've gone months without even thinking about them, when a few years ago they were all I thought about.

    Sometimes, when I listen to them, that old fan emerges, but for the most part, she's gone.

    I want to sell off a lot of my GD merch because I see no reason to keep it. I'd rather have the money. It's weird, I used to make lists of all the GD stuff I wanted. I'd scour websites looking for cool shit that I could fill my room with. Kinda glad I didn't have a job back then, I would have wasted so much money. I've always enjoyed physical vs. digital, like I'd much rather have my clunky NES than have the games on VC or emulator or CDs vs. buying off iTunes, but at the same time I don't like having a lot of "stuff" because it just takes up space.

    I'm supposed to be studying for my American Government test tomorrow at 8 AM. Fuck me, right? I've never had any interest in politics, I couldn't care less to be honest. As long as I can get out of this class with at least a B, I'll be happy.

    I'll probably browse GDC for a few more minutes. I kinda want to come back here, it used to be my home. I can only hope that some people remember me, but I never seemed to manage to make it in the "in" crowd no matter how hard I tried. Story of my life.

    Time to go down the rest of my Rumchata and actually study so my grade doesn't get any worse.