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  1. Lone
    Latest Entry

    By Lone,

    10 Most popular topics for March 2017
    1) The Green Day Fangirls' Confessions Thread - 930 posts
    2) Green Day Instagram Photos - 653 posts
    3) New shows setlist discussion - 330 posts
    4) Random Thoughts - 240 posts
    5) Random Green Day Thoughts - 203 posts
    6) 2017/03/15 - Barclays Center, Brooklyn, NY, USA - 202 posts
    7) Blasphemy & Genocide: Unpopular Green Day Opinions, Part 2 - 199 posts
    8) 2017/03/25 - Petersen Events Center, Pittsburgh, PA, USA - 193 posts
    9) Green Day on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert - 21/03/17. - 182 posts
    10) 2017/03/10 - Infinite Energy Center, Duluth, GA, USA - 175 posts

    Top 5 Most Active Members
    desertrose (578 posts)
    Tinkle (470 posts)
    Jane Lannister (376 posts)
    Scattered Wreck (350 posts)
    Paola17 (296 posts)

    Top 5 Most Liked Posts
    This post by Jon Benjamin in I got my custom license plate today!
    This post by Khaleesi. in The Picture Thread
    This post by TimmyChunks in Green Day Instagram Photos
    This post by Teenage Lush in The Green Day Fangirls' Confessions Thread
    This post by She-Loves-Him in The Picture Thread

    Members active: 933
    New Members: 168 
    Total Visitors: 24,285
    Most registrations in a single day: 16 (March 5th)
    Single busiest day: March 28th
    New Topics: 97
    Total Posts: 9,051
    Total PMs sent: 238 new / 612 replies
    Blog posts made: 11
    Most viewed blog entry: Another Sleepless Night (151 views)
    Total Rep Given: 13,140

    Lone here with your late stats post for the month of March. The end of March/beginning of April marks the end of the first leg of the North American tour but they will be back at the end of summer! For you new folks who went to a show, go on over and say hi in the show threads. We had an increase of total visitors (+31%), total posts (+2%), and total reputation given (+1%). We'd like to welcome @Paola17 to the top five active members of the month, joined by four others who made an appearance the last month. That's it for now. Toodle-loo!

  2. Dead Microphone

    • 3
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    Recent Entries

    Latest Entry

    This one goes out to the Florida man,

    The crazy motherfucker on the news     

    He rode a parasail into a hurricane          

    He gave an alligator weed and booze       

    That gator is still out on a bender            

    He bought some gas station mystery drugs                                                    

    The Florida man used a homemade flamethrower                                            

    Inside his house to kill some bugs


    I think there is a Florida man sleeping in my brain.                                              

    And I relate to that fucked up gator's pain.


    When the Florida man is loose                  

    He flies like a goose                                   

    Straight through the propeller of a jet     

    The gator doesn't curse                            

    The fact he'll one day be a purse           

    And a pair of boots, no value in regret     


    I am the gator; my teeth are cheap souvenirs.                                              

    Take one from my skull and trade it for a case of beer.

  3. Louiejub
    Latest Entry

    The start of a new collection of lyrics. Enjoy.




    The wanderer

    once told me how to live


    The stone strives

    for learning to forgive



    only pulls so far

    and the essence

    grabs the remnants of the star


    The heart pulsates

    until it hatches

    And we're free

    then come the relapses



    But now,

    the beam supports you

    The darkness ahead,

    hidden temporarily from view

    Illuminate the path



    The plastic coils

    spherize solitude

    Impulsion transcends

    your charismatic magnitude


    Orphan at last

    understand that you don't

    understand yourself

    understand yourself




    The columns are shaking

    and we all reside within

    The solar flare in you

    shows that you won't give in


    Through flesh

    or vibrations

    oiled images

    or constellations

    The trenches within

    we are in



  4. Green Day – Nimrod: Feature.


    In 1997, Californian band Green Dayreleased their most underrated but diverse record in the form of Nimrod, an album bubbling with hooks and dark edged lyricism. The band had to prove they were still relevant after the disappointing Insomniac, a record which did have its hits, but never hit those meteoric heights. Dookie did so in 1994. That opus brought Green Day into the limelight, a light so vibrant and crucial.


    Dookie was a statement of intent, a colossal compendium breaking boundaries, a piece of punk layered with snotty nosed mellow drama. It truly rooted Green Day into the big time, overthrowing their past records. But, as they grew, tensions did too, and the band was banished from Gilman Street, a punk club where many acts nurtured their souls and tweaked their sounds.


    As Green Day prospered, many people became distant, fans who loved the band walked away. This is when Green Day became a goliath act, securing places at biggest festivals. But, as they put their pen to paper, their punk laurels were fading. Not to say that the band was forgetting their roots, they just had to grow, they had to burst and breakaway.


    Green Day was a major label band when they signed to Reprise in 1994. Some people think the band shot to fame with their seminal record American Idiot all those years later. So the act was making millions well before Jesus Of Suburbia was constructed, they were flying the punk flag through the flurry of scepticism.


    And Nimrod pushed Green Day into the light even more so with a ballad that shook the world. That melodic heart-puller is Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life). It’s a song many play at their wedding day, it’s a song which resonates and showcases lead singer/guitarist Billie Joe Armstrong’s impressive writing talent. 


    Good Riddance sent Green Day onto the airwaves, although it angered the punks and estranged. They were blasting the band for their decision to put a ballad on one of their albums. They thought the act was selling out, nipping at the arms of greed, shooting for the pot of gold. But, Green Day didn’t surrender and moved on up regardless. 


    Nimrod may contain one of Green Day’s most poignant scores, but the record as a whole is punk infused. Nice Guys Finish Last is a blistering, guitar driven masterclass. Redundant mops up the fragments of punk’s inner core, and cools it down as Armstrong sings with ease and great tone. Reject is a fast-paced pile-driver, it’s in your face. So many of these songs return to the punk days. And that shows us Green Day aren’t leaving their signature sound to rot, they never have cascaded into bubble-gum pop territory, they have tweaked it, adding more complexity. This complexity is heard on American Idiot. A record which saved the pioneers from truly derailing. It’s an album many hate, but many people love the diversity it showcases.


    American Idiot may be Green Day’s most popular and audacious LP. But there’s flashes of this magic on Nimrod. The true intensity it creates, the darkness it exudes is believable. It may not be Green Day’s magnum opus, but what it is, is something which strikes punk into veins of those seeking a thrill.






  5. Hey guys, and welcome back to "Nico Talks About Stuff"! Now, hold onto your seats, this might be a bit crazy, but... my name's Nico. Today's topic is Nintendo!

    Here's something most people don't know: Nintendo is older than you might've thought. The company was founded in 1889.

    And if anyone says something like "What? Nintendo made video games 100 years ago?", please spell IQ for me.

    Well, Nintendo sold playing cards back then. But who would've thought that Nintendo would ever make video games...?

    Now, the question is: What got Nintendo famous?

    We from Nintendo got famous thanks to a plumber who turns bigger by doing drugs.

    Alright, how about you, Sega?

    We from Sega got famous thanks to a hedgehog who turns faster by doing drugs.

    It's quite interesting how everything only gets famous through drugs... and people say Nintendo is a role model... yup. 'Course.

    But Mario is not the only character that made Nintendo famous. How many Pokémon generations are there?

    Have you ever realized that the names of Pokémon get weirder and weirder? Same for their look? Seriously, how can you even think of a name like Cobalion? I'm pretty sure that there will be a Pokémon in Gen 12 called Mokquas, and it will have a human form with spaghetti arms and the face will be a mix of the Me Gusta and Impossibru memes.

    Not everyone likes Nintendo. The people who play stuff like Call of Duty or Halo play on PlayStation or Xbox. And I have to admit that the graphics are not the best, but the gameplay is there and it's extremely fun to play games like Super Smash Bros. or Mario Kart!

    That concludes this post of "Nico Talks About Stuff"! Leave a comment with your opinion on Nintendo, if you want. See you next Sunday!

  6. Hello there. (As ever, apologies if my rant goes left, right, up and down and I don't claim to be a expert in anything. I'm also going out first draft-no proofreading wither. )

    I really don't know what I'm going to post here, but I want it to be good. I want it to mean something.

    So, I'm going into therapy next month, and that kinda scares me. Scares me because I'm going to be properly ripping my brain out and spewing its content out for the first time. 

    I'm not officially diagnosed with anything - possibly stress, but no-one official has ever told me I have anxiety or depression. That's always been me diagnosing myself.

    It's been like that for a long time - and for a long time I thought I was OK. I was always distracted by school, education, being a kid, going through puberty, but now when I have to - want to bear the responsibility and become a adult, I feel paralyzed and lost.

    Sometimes in the mind-field of mental health, there are doors that you can kick open and get a victory - example being when I confessed how I feel to family, I was bought forward to a doctor - hence the therapist. To anyone reading this, who thinks their family might just shun them or just rattle your problems away, someone out there will understand you and will help you. Just imagine if your child/best friend/sibling/parents came to you and said "I need help" - let them feel your pain and how you need someone to look after you.

    Then you have your normal mental health cliches that I go through * - the happy days being sledgehammered by the bad days, just being completely sad for no reason, stupid things that upset you, social anxiety. I'm sure people can relate.

     And for a long time, and pretty much will always try to do, I like to help people. I'm on 7Cups a lot as a helper (If you didn't know 7Cups is a anonymous site where you can choose to listen to people's problem or the flip-side vent out to a person) and I will help people here, at home or strangers if I could.

    But I can't just keep ignoring me or the voices in my head. There is one thing, one side of me that's always been there. And there is the first time I'm going to bare it out there, so I can practice saying it virtually before I open my mouth and form words.

    (I want to ONCE AGAIN paraphrase that I'm not a expert in anything)

    I am a addict. Or (kinda) was - but I have little to no faith that I'm gonna stay there. I have relapsed in the month.

    I gamble a lot - funny that how I don't drink because I don't like the idea of being drunk or sex because y'know it's ME we're talking about here. 

    It normally ran on the basis that I would get a paycheck and blow it all in a few days - if not hours. I would somehow survive each month by some miracle or refund or some small winnings - believe me the losses outweigh the winnings. And it's always the same way - like those cartoons - bad you on one arm, good you on one arm, Jekyll/Hyde. The monster would take over my brain and gamble a lot of money, it would end normally badly, the good side would surface and the anger/tears/breaking down will commence. Rinse, repeat until the point I made above, broke down a door, told family, doctor, therapist. The urge to relapse is there though. 

    So yeah, I'm posting this here first before I do anything - because since 2010 through different members, different venues, different sleep-overs, houses, parties, meet-ups, seeing the band, meeting the band, meeting the people behind the band. From the chat-room in the old days to Green Day around the world to my CAH buddies that I have now (You guys don't know how much you all cheer me up sometimes) I feel some sort of family connection to this place. Even if 55% (even that's a bit high I feel) have never talked or won't interact.

    (This bit I'm imagining like the end of the movie with some generic music and narration.)

    So I'm not okay, I'm not o-fucki... sorry. 

    I'm not okay, I probably won't be for a while. I hope to keep this as my progress. I hope I can get back on dating websites soon, or the gym again. It's not gonna be easy, I'm gonna have shit days and might even regret this but I'm going to try and hopefully keep the few of you who read this informed.

    Rage and love.

    * - When I typed that, The Climb by Miley Cyrus came on shuffle - deal with it, it's a good song. 


  7. I thought now would be a good time to tell ya'll about the wonderful time my favorite best friend from Sweden, @I don't care, and I had exactly two months ago when she visited me in Germany. ;)

    Everything started about 10 months ago, when we met in the GDC chatroom (that small one on the bottom right corner of your window that <1% of you use) and realized that we were soulmates who just happened to roast ourselves into each other's hearts on an online forum of our favorite band. Our friendship blossomed as quickly as you can say "Billie Hoe and I don't care for Best Board Buddies" and soon enough we fantasized about how we would meet for the first time. Once we came kinda close with the Pinkpop festival both of us wanted to attend (meet my soulmate and go to a Green Day concert together at the same time? Uhh, goals?), but when that didn't work out we made due by skyping for hours on end day after day.


    Then her parents (God bless them) finally made it happen and booked tickets for the second week of August (when my own parents conveniently left the country so we had my place pretty much to ourselves). After a few weeks of "okay cool" and not fully grasping the reality that we were actually going to meet, I was on the edge of freaking out when I went to pick her (and her parents) up from the airport. I spent an hour or so pacing around nervously in the arrival hall at the terminal, right at the gate where she was supposed to come out with her luggage. Thanks to @Jenn. and @Shahd (aka. Nicest!) who kept me company on WhatsApp, I didn't completely lose my mind. It was just a mess - Agnes and I kept messaging each other about their progress (she sent me picture and video updates of how her plane landed and on her way into the terminal, etc.), yelling at each other via texts about how excited we were. 

    I kept peeking through the gate to the hall where they picked up their luggage, but I didn't see her despite her very colorful hair. Then she sent me a picture of a gate that looked a lot like the one I was waiting at, where she was supposed to come out, saying "IS THIS WHERE YOU ARE?" and I went "YES!" and she said "OKAY, I'M RUNNING ONCE I GET MY SUITCASE". I waited peeking through the gate to catch this girl running, but I never did. Instead I saw her mother whom I recognized from her Facebook picture (yes, I befriended her mother on Facebook because of reasons) and her dad calmly strolling through the gate. But where the fuck was Agnes? Turns out she ran out of the wrong fucking gate. Her mother told me where she would be and pointed her out like 30 meters away from us (??? I'm terrible at estimating), carrying her guitar case on her back and looking down on her phone. I started jogging towards her but tried to be as quiet and inconspicuous about it as possible, praying that she wouldn't look up from her phone and see me, and then I tackled her and THUS OUR FIRST EVER HUG CAME TO BE. We hugged so tightly like I haven't hugged anyone ever, and she petted my "red head" (which I had re-dyed JUST FOR HER) because she promised to do so on WhatsApp weeks before.

    1) our first ever selfie together with awesome band shirts, made a few moments after our first hug / my tackle

    It's still a bit weird (good weird) when I think about it, because I remembered adding her on Instagram and seeing how she looked like, her Snapchat videos and pictures she sent me (like, definitely not a Catfish, I learned from Nev and Max), but then all of a sudden she was standing right before me and I was holding her and we were taking pictures together. I have never met any online friend I've made since I'm on the internet in real life, with some of whom I've been friends for years. I guess it's never really been real-real because the internet is a different, more anonymous place, but now it's definitely real. On the internet you can portray yourself how you want people to see you, you only send them the pictures where you like yourself, but you have no control over that when you actually meet someone for real. They see you from all the bad angles, they see how you look when you eat or sleep. I guess I was a bit anxious to meet her because, fuck, what if she doesn't like who I *actually* am? What if we have to spend a week together and then not click, despite having had conversations that lasted several hours on the phone? What if it's gonna be awkward and we won't have anything to talk about? Is she gonna be sick of me when she's around me for 24 hours straight? I have also told her more about me than I have ever told anyone I know (not even my other best friend whom I've known since kindergarten), and I trust her, and suddenly she's ... there, right in front of me and I can hug her for real, as I've wanted to do so many times.

    Well, I'm happy to say that my anxieties were unjustified. At least I think so, she definitely seemed like she liked me and we're still talking, so that's that. :lol: And I can confirm that she is indeed fucking awesome. It's impossible to feel awkward around her because she's such an outgoing and open and talkative and simply un-awkward person, she even managed to engage my brother who never talks to my friends in a conversation. 

    After I met with her and her parents at the airport, they took us into the center of Frankfurt in their rental (while blasting Rammstein, hell yah, now I know where she gets her greatness from) and we spent the day sightseeing in the city, shopping (more like entering way too expensive stores, trying on things, and leaving), Starbucks, sitting by the river in the sun and just openly talking about everything.

    2) by the Main river

    3) happy times at Starbucks (not sponsored)

    After overlooking Frankfurt (or Mainhattan as some locals are calling it) from the top of a skyscraper (it's called Main Tower if you're ever interested in visiting Frankfurt) we met up again with her parents at a restaurant, and on the way there a kind of funny thing happened that is really telling about cultural differences. We were about to cross a four lane street (which are usually busy since we were in the middle of the banking area where lots of people work, but when we were there not so much), and she just crossed it without waiting for the little man to turn green, leaving me and about ten other people on both sides waiting at the red traffic light and laughing at me from the other side. I'm told that apparently waiting at a red traffic light when there's no traffic is a "typically German" thing to do, but she, a Swede who just doesn't give a fuck, just crosses it. 

    Another funny thing I noticed is that people you meet in the streets or shops are much nicer to you and more open when you're a "tourist" who speaks English. I accidentally talked to people in English instead of German all the time since I was so used to talking to Agnes in English, and suddenly the clerks were so helpful. :lol: So I guess my advice would be, if you can speak English, don't bother trying broken German you might have learned before your trip if you want something. I've lived here for so many years and after spending one day with her I learn so many new things about my own country. 

    Then we drove back to her hotel which coincidentally was in a small town next to mine and only one bus stop from mine away, and spent an hour in their ridiculously luxurious hotel room before I had to take the bus home. She whipped out her guitar and started playing it on the bed not very quietly, and while that was VERY NICE!!!, I kept thinking "oh my god, this is too loud, it's in the middle of the night, what if the other guests wake up, but oh my god, I don't want to be rude and tell her to quiet it down, and also it sounds so beautiful and I don't want her to stop." Another difference between us: in Sweden she lives in this huge house where she can be as loud as she wants, but I grew in an apartment with five old neighbors who would complain about any loud noise. It was refreshing actually, and she showed me (who has no musical talent whatsoever) a chord, which is pretty sick. She then took me to the bus stop, which was 5 minutes away from the hotel and almost got hit by a car on her way back. THIS IS WHY WE WAIT AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS IN GERMANY! OUR DRIVERS ARE CRAZY!


    On the second day her parents dropped her off at my place and I showed her my humble housing before we left for another city in the area which wasn't originally the plan, but that day was the only day I could have picked up my "If There Was Ever A Time" flexi disc from the stupid customs office before it would be shipped back to the US or I would be fined, so essentially we wasted a couple of hours picking that stupid piece of shit up. It's a good song but I've wasted way too much time and money on this thing. :D However, she made it worthwhile and time spent with her is never time wasted, also this really cool picture happened when we were chilling at the train station waiting for our belated train back home (welcome to Germany my friends. Welcome to Germany.). 

    4) Let me introduce to you, Punk Rock Chewbacca!!!

    We stopped by a grocery store to get supplies for the jello shots we were looking forward to so much, because I am a very responsible adult who wanted to help her 17 year old friend get drunk, who can't get alcohol in her own country. I don't think her parents would approve of me that much if they knew I also offered to buy cigarettes in case she wanted to try it out. Hell, I know how it is as a minor who wants to try something and has to use other people to help her. Other than that though I can assure you that I am a very caring (if not overbearing) mom-friend who looks out for her friends and usually stops them from doing stupid shit. :lol: Don't be fooled by her sweet face, she's not that innocent. She has smoked before and even offered to smuggle weed for us to try out in her bra (because nobody would check there anyway, and because she's a cute, white Swedish girl they wouldn't suspect her) but we realized that probably wasn't a very good idea. I didn't want her to end up in a detention cell at the airport for the duration of her trip or anything.

    Then we ordered some pizza and sat down on the balcony. You all know that there are two types of people: people who love pineapple on pizza and people who want to kill people who bring a pineapple near their pizza. I am the first and she is the second. Both of us got Margarita pizzas, but I added pineapple for MY pizza. When they delivered them, it turned out that both of them had pineapple on it. So she kept peeling the pineapple pieces off of hers with the most painful expression that I've ever seen and threw them on mine. She ate as slowly as she could and suddenly just stopped in movement with wide eyes staring into nothing and went completely silent. I asked her "are you okay?" and when she started tearing up I started freaking out, and on top of everything she still wasn't talking to me. I thought she was dying for fuck's sake, but no, that goddamn drama queen just swallowed a piece of pineapple. 

    Then we did the jello shots (recipe: jello powder with 1/2 water and 1/2 pure vodka) but realized, damn, all we have is shot glasses, not cups, and it would be pretty hard for us to get that jelly out of a tiny glass. So Agnes suggested "Hey, let's just put them in ice trays!" and because I'm equally stupid I said "Good idea!", and because we wanted them done extra fast, we put them in the freezer instead of the refrigerator, and then had to scoop out that icy and bitter crap out of the ice trays like barbarians. I painted Princess Victoria of Sweden on her back with water colors for the Gishwhes scavenger hunt while we were waiting and then watched some Netflix and chilled, she played Life is Strange on my computer while I played Sims on hers. It was really nice to just ... chill out at home for one evening and being lazy after all that running around and despite the fact that we didn't have much time together. You'd think we would have to make "the most of it" by constantly doing shit, but not doing that made it so much better because we were doing exactly what we would be doing if we could see each other every day. 



    On the next day she woke me up with her acoustic guitar and we had breakfast on the balcony. This was the day when I showed her my town, and as soon as we left the house, she stopped EVERY. SINGLE. person we saw to ask them if she could pet their dogs. It was really adorable, and most of them let her do it which was a bit surprising because not all of them understood English and some of them declined because their dogs were really shy or aggressive, but that didn't stop her to try again next time. Agnes loves dogs more than you. She did the same thing in Frankfurt on our first day too, and one time when she asked a woman who obviously didn't understand her well if she could pet her dog, she said "No, thank you" and continued on, possibly thinking we wanted to scam her or something.

    5) Agnes on her quest to pet every single doggo she sees, even the artificial ones

    6) she's a tree-hugging hippie

    Later we took the bus to the town where I grew up and went to school in before we moved away a couple of years ago, to meet with my other best friend Rebecca, who just like Agnes is really into metal music, who can play the piano and the guitar, and also understands Swedish. If I didn't know better, I'd say I have a type. Agnes was so nervous to meet her and really wanted to make a good impression on her, so she ate an entire bowl of alcoholic jelly that was left from the previous day before we left and got herself tipsy. While she was shoveling the jelly in, we were talking to the lovely @Jenn. on the phone who enchanted us with her lovely Irish accent :D (Accept yer faet, Jenn) 



    After fleeing from a roughly 200 year old US army veteran who uses his extremely bad eyesight as an excuse to come uncomfortably close to you to, as he would say in his thick American accent, "see the ladies better", we met with Rebecca, and not-surprisingly they got along really really well - we spent the evening sitting on a bench in the dark and Agnes played Rebecca's guitar and sang a beautiful Swedish song with her beautiful voice. I recorded it and I desperately wanna show you all, but it got lost somewhere on my phone, but I assure you, it's magical :wub:

    Sadly that was also the last evening we spent together, because they already departed on the next day :( We got to spend a few final hours in Frankfurt together and had lunch but then we drove to the airport together and hugged for the last time. It was pretty sad because we wouldn't see each other again for a while, but I am hell bent on visiting her in New York when she moves there and see and hug her again💖 I'm so incredibly happy and grateful that we got this chance, not only to the universe and her parents, but to Green Day and this forum without whom this never would have happened. 💖

  8. gdffdgfg.jpg


    I was sitting in Burger King when I realised my flight to Kraków was two hours earlier than I thought. Maybe it was the journey: I’d spent 24 hours getting back to uni from Italy, handed in an assignment, then got straight back on the bus for 12 hours. Whatever my excuse was, I ended up sprinting through Stansted Airport with a backpack far too big for running.




    I skidded to a stop at the gate – the furthest gate possible, because Ryanair – as it was closing. My mum Joy was far behind, unable to run and I begged them to wait another minute for her. The lady at the gate said I was lucky and advised me to go through, so I did. After crashing down the plane to my seat with a lot of confused people staring at me, I got into an argument about my backpack (it was far too big, I admit) and checked my phone to find my mum had been sent to returning passengers. The flight took off before I could get another response.

    This was not good. The next flight wasn’t until the following morning, she wasn’t well enough to stay in the airport all night and she had all our Polish money. It felt like the longest flight ever until I could text her again and find out that she’d had no choice but to go to an airport hotel and pay for a new flight. I drew out my bank balance in zlotys and went to the hotel in Kraków alone.



    The Tauron Arena, the day before the show


    While I waited the next morning, I trudged through snow to the arena to check there was no one camping. The show wasn’t until the next day – we’d come a day early for a day trip we could no longer afford – so fortunately, the arena was completely deserted. I was momentarily tempted to sit there already, but I had no idea where the line was supposed to start, so I just headed back to the hotel to meet my mum.

    We decided we’d go into Kraków to at least see something, so we got on a tram we thought was headed to the centre. After an hour of watching the landscape become more and more barren, we figured we were going the wrong way.



    Lost in Kraków


    Going the right way… eventually


    Night had fallen by the time we made it to the centre. We were just in time to meet up with Eleonora from Milan at the Green Day bar. It was warm and cosy in there after that freezing cold outside, and I was very glad I was not pointlessly sitting outside the Tauron Arena. Our luck, though – Tré Cool came in about 10 minutes after we left.



    I mean, it was called Green Day!


    We couldn’t afford our day trip, but at least we made it into the centre


    Armed with thermals, heat packs and foot warmers, we arrived at 6am to a line of about 15 people. One fan was from Finland, another from Ukraine and others from all over Poland. A girl from Warsaw told us how the ticket and travel costs were an entire month’s wages to her, but that it was her first chance to see Green Day and she knew it would be worth it. Fran joined us soon and we later went to the nearby supermarket to buy our tour staple, dry bread and also Pizzerina.



    I hope Green Day Bread is proud of us


    This week in The Things We Eat For Green Day: Pizzerina, which cost about 20p



    The line, before noon


    The line was gradually becoming hostile. Soon after we arrived people began pushing and by the afternoon, many were too scared to sit down or to leave for a few minutes, in case they couldn’t get back in. A few hours before doors opened, it was almost impossible to move and some people were stumbling from the pushing. ‘Aggressive sardines’ is an accurate description.

    It was predictable chaos when the staff opened the gates to let us closer to the entrance. People were screaming while others used the opportunity to push further forward. When we were finally lined up outside the huge door that led to the pit, the girl from Warsaw was in tears because she’d been there so long only to lose her spot. I don’t know what happened to her or if she even made it to the barrier but I hope she somehow did.



    Traditional barrier selfie: Poland


    Me, Fran and Eleonora made it there in front of Mike, but my mum had been sent to a cloakroom for no reason and in the time it took her to argue her way out, a man had forced his way in next to us. I remember thinking this was one of my most ridiculous experiences yet – which I suppose it was – but I don’t want to give Poland a bad rep because trust me, England and the US can be just as bad.

    The Interrupters were still as energetic and entertaining as they had been in Italy. Rather than growing tired of them, as I got to know their songs and speeches I enjoyed their sets even more. I’d soon forgotten the pushing, the cold, the ridiculous venue. The arena, one of the biggest in Europe, was far from sold out but when Green Day ran on stage, the crowd made it sound like it was. The band played like it was. In Bang Bang, Billie filmed the crowd holding up ‘Bang’ signs, though security had snatched many away.



    We even made it in to the video. I get irrationally excited when I see myself in crowd shots, OK?


    Every time I see Green Day, there’s a different song that resonates with me most. It was obviously Scattered that night. I remember locking eyes with Billie and for a moment we were singing at each other, sharing whatever it was that resonated with us about those words and he pointed at me before he turned away. Maybe that’s another reason fans will go to these lengths to see them live. They aren’t inaccessible, emotionless rock stars. Even when you’re miles out in a seat, their energy fills the room. They are sharing their souls with everyone in those crowds when they perform. Awestruck kids leave knowing their heroes are human just like them. Billie’s ‘freaks, weirdos and strangers’ leave knowing they are understood and not alone. Whether it’s the travelling fans who’ve seen them twenty times before, the kid from Kraków who’s been waiting their entire life for that moment, or the parents who tag along out of duty to find they love the band – our experiences are all so different yet at the shows we are all the same.

    It always gets me too when I see Billie holding the country’s flag, both because I know then I’m really having that experience, and also because I know what it means to so many people there. It was a predictably rough crowd, but once I’m in I don’t care, because it reminds me that I’m alive. Dziękuję Poland for another night I won’t ever forget.

    Our Polskibus to Prague was at 7am the next day. My mum set an alarm, but I guess her phone died in the night. When I woke up and checked my phone I was confused for a moment before shouting ‘IT’S 9AM! OUR POLSKIBUS LEFT TWO HOURS AGO!’

    I heard from Fran that the bus before was five hours delayed and left at 5am instead of midnight. We could have legged it to the bus station in the hope ours would be the same, but I didn’t want to risk spending the money in case it wasn’t. The next one, leaving at midday, would barely get us to Prague in time and if it was delayed even an hour, we’d miss Green Day. Trains were expensive and with all the transfers they entailed, I didn’t trust them. A taxi transfer was 300€, which was cheaper than flying, but we just didn’t have it. I’d heard that Uber was meant to be cheaper, but I didn’t even really know what it was. When I found out it was an app, I frantically deleted music and photos on my phone to make room for it. It gave me an estimate of 600zł-800zł, about £130-£170. We had that. It was obviously more than we’d usually spend considering the Polskibus was £11, but it was insanely cheap for what it was (I just checked Uber’s calculator and I guess they got wise to people stupid enough to call an Uber for that, because it told me almost double). So I did it: I called an Uber to take me from Kraków to Prague.

    He arrived within a few minutes, a polite and well-spoken young man called Michał, and asked with a smile where we wanted to go. My mum glanced at me and took a deep breath.

    ‘Well, we need to get to Prague.’

    He apologised for his English – which was perfect, I’m sure he just thought we couldn’t possibly be that stupid – and asked her to repeat it. Now he understood, stared at us blankly for a moment and laughed.

    ‘Praga? Nooo.’

    My mum tried to explain what had happened and he listened patiently as it sunk in that we were seriously asking him this.

    ‘Wait. How far is it? 500 kilometres? How much will it cost? Maybe we can do it.’

    All three of us struggled to get an Internet connection out there, but I told him what the Uber app had estimated and he said that would be fine. He just had to go to his dad’s house to get money for petrol. He reckoned we could get there by 5pm and we told him it didn’t matter as long as we were in time for Green Day.



    Seriously considering my life choices as I waited for our Uber driver to get his petrol money

    So, here we were: heading out in an Uber to Prague. It turned out Michał had lived and worked less than ten miles from us in England and his mum still lived there. This was his second day working for Uber after moving back. Yes, you read that right, it was his second day working for Uber and two English girls had asked him to take them 539km/335 miles to Prague. He was extremely professional and nice about the whole thing, though.


    My mum having a cigarette at a gas station somewhere in the Czech Republic


    Oh, don’t wanna think about my bank account tomorrow


    Snowy wilderness. Lots of snowy wilderness to make me consider my life choices. Again.


    The road signs are starting to tell us how many miles to Praha!


    What would you wish if you saw a shooting star? Probably that I’ll get to Prague in time for Green Day



    The Interrupters were finishing as we arrived. As much as I’d loved all their sets, I was not going to complain that we’d missed them. Thanks to Michał, the best and most patient Uber driver ever, we’d made it in time for Green Day.

    This was the furthest back we’d ever been at a Green Day show, and it only confirmed all I’ve been saying about how it doesn’t matter. Of course front row is awesome and I love being able to see so well, but my mum and I had so much fun dancing together at the back. I still felt that same connection to the band and every word Billie sang. Seeing the full stage with the crowd all around us took me back to my first seated shows that had changed my life so. Scattered around us were people who didn’t know the band well but still watched in awe, and others who knew everything and sang and danced like we did. It was 100% worth getting an Uber all the way from Kraków. I regret nothing.




    We got a taxi to Prague Airport the next morning, because it only cost the equivalent of £5 and we did not want to risk getting lost and somehow missing our flight. Our journey to Oslo was surprisingly – and refreshingly – uneventful.




    Morning in Prague


    Arriving in Oslo


    We bought a loaf of bread to eat and just wandered around Oslo. Despite how cold and expensive it was (though I did get a Pokémon backpack for the equivalent of £15), I liked those modern streets a lot and I hope I can go back one day when I haven’t been wiped out by an Uber.



    The fjord was almost entirely frozen over


    This photo accurately reflects how cold it was


    We didn’t make it up the hill to take photos, but this view of the skyline was pretty good


    Pretty Oslo streets


    I decided not to camp that night. I’d heard that people didn’t queue in Norway and though it was technically 14°C warmer than Kraków’s -15°C, it was a different cold that seeped into the bones and froze you from inside. I sometimes wonder if I should have done just to add ‘then I camped out in Oslo’ to ‘I got an Uber from Kraków to Prague’ but it would have been pointless, because when I arrived in the early morning there were only three people at our gate (and Fran at the other one). We were all foreigners – three Finnish girls and us three English. The first locals arrived around 10am.



    7am, Oslo, Norway: my mum standing away from the line for a cigarette


    Finland and England represents: Rosamari, Jenna, Maria and Meri (and Joy pressing the shutter)


    The first five


    Me and my mum wrapped in foil blankets as the sun rose


    The line, midday


    Phone pic of the line when I got back from putting my camera away


    I can feel the nerves in that photo – knowing the line had finally been moved from the steps to its ‘proper’ place and that doors were getting closer. And the cold. That cold was definitely worse than Kraków or Prague, or at least it was by the time I’d been standing there all day.



    Traditional barrier selfie, cut off because my mum hates it


    Security lined up by the door and one stood in front of us, confused that none of us spoke Norwegian. Still, he laughed and told us to go in English. Everyone ran. The security who’d lined up were mobbed, but I slipped around to one at the side with no line. I was in, down some steps, and saw – for the first time ever – a completely empty barrier. Our door was Jason’s side and I think we all considered running to Mike’s, but we could hear the mob coming that side and chose to play it safe. I spread my arms to save a spot for my mum at the corner of the catwalk, next to Jenna and Rosamari. Fran had got the corner on the other side and waved to us. I couldn’t see my mum anywhere though and as more people flooded the barrier, I was struggling to keep the spot. She did make it and we ended up in number order – the first time I’d ever seen that, too – but she was in a lot of pain. People had pushed her to get in front and she’d gone flying into a turnstile and seriously hurt her ankle. She was worried she wouldn’t last the show, but when The Interrupters came on and we sang all the words we knew, she was dealing with it well.



    Phone pic: Billie playing his harmonica during Scattered in Oslo


    Once the bunny was off the stage and Green Day ran on, it was as it usually is: we forgot the cold, the idiots who’d pushed her, even the pain became bearable. After Prague – as much fun as that was – our great spot felt especially close. The band were on fire. I don’t know how receptive the crowd were, because I was just in my own world with my favourite band.

    ‘SHE knows it!’ Billie laughed as he walked past, looking for someone to sing Longview. He picked a guy we’d lined up with though, which was great.

    I remember having that almost spiritual experience I’d had with Scattered in Kraków, screaming along with Billie to 2000 Light Years Away, Waiting, Forever Now and some others I’ve forgotten. He told us ‘tusen takk’ (thank you very much) and ‘jeg elsker deg’ (‘I love you’) and I felt like such a part of it all. Possibly because I have a Norwegian friend and actually understood, possibly just because shit, guys, this is my life – I was in Norway seeing Green Day.



    Phone pics: Billie during King For A Day and Jason trying out the local attire


    For the first time I caught a pick Billie threw me and I’m so glad it’s from Oslo, one of my favourite shows of all time and a memory of all the songs I sang along to with my favourite person I’ve never met.



    Waiting at Oslo Airport on our way home


    We’d originally planned to carry on to Stockholm after Oslo, but we just couldn’t afford it and all the travel disasters on this trip had now wiped us out completely. I was OK with that. Oslo was tied with Florence as my favourite show on this tour so far, we’d made it to Prague, Kraków was great too. This was our last show until Manchester two weeks later… or so we thought.

    Next up: going to Brussels and Paris on a bus, with about 24 hours notice.



  9. 9876gwen
    Latest Entry

    Man its been a long while since I posted one of these on here but not time better than the present, right? So ever since I started college, ive been having more people coming up and saying they thought I was still in high school or that I look like I still belong in middle school(im 19 btw). What's worse is that most of the people who say that begin treating me like a kid who's still in 8th grade or something. Like, they treat my thoughts or opinions on a matter like they're invalid because I look like im a child and apparently a childs opinion doesnt matter. It's really demeaning and confidence crushing ya'know? Like for example, the last date I went on with my boyfriend was horseback riding, we had to sign this waiver saying we wont sue if we get hurt or whatever, the lady who gave us the waiver almost made my boyfriend sign the parent/guardian part until we gave her a strange look and she asked for my age, she acted surprised and apologized =/  Or sometimes older people will shoot us dirty looks because we are holding hands. Not to mention the NON STOP carding I get. Just about anything that could require ID I get asked for and extensively questioned, some times accused that im using a fake. Sometimes I just wanna scream "Im an adult, stop treating me like a little kid!" I already know im going to be looked down upon in the workplace when I get a job because im young/ look young, that im going to get the barrage of child jokes. Anyone else struggle with something like this? Like why do most people my age look like models in their mid 20s?

  10. Writings and shit

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    Recent Entries

    Lady Darkling
    Latest Entry

    I guess I'm feeling some type of way. I think it should be happy; but, well, shit. Nothing's ever that simple is it?

    Apocalyptica (AKA awesome Cello dudes from Finland) are on a tour for the 20th anniversary of their Plays Metallica by Four Cellos album, and I saw them at one of their shows last night with my sister. The album was their debut, a collection of Metallica covers, if the name isn't a dead giveaway for that part. The show was fucking awesome. Maybe that's why I feel so guilty about being too messed up right now to feel that concert afterglow in full effect. Or maybe it's because I'm lying to my sister about how I feel, but can you blame me? I took her to the concert as her birthday gift, who the fuck am I to ruin her night with whatever the fuck this is?

    I know what this is, it's me putting too much stock into my dreams, and not in a premonition type of way. I can't really explain it, but the last time I had a dream about someone I love dying, it was my sister, and immediately after I woke up I went over to her and I held her for like two hours until I calmed the fuck down. Can't really do that this time, seeing as the person is nowhere near me.

    I'm scared. The dream was different this time. When it was my sister, her death was an accident. She was going to school and she got hit by a car or some shit. But in my dream this time, Sunshine's death wasn't an accident. She killed herself, and it fucking terrifies me because I know she's really fucking depressed and therapy and her pills haven't been helping much lately. I know because I'm the one that talks to her every other day when she can't sleep and feels like she can't breathe, and all I fucking want is to be next to her so I can fucking hold her and know she's still breathing and not doing anything stupid but I can't. I can't because we're literally fucking oceans apart, and what the fuck kind of friend am I when I can't do shit? I'm not saying I expect myself to cure her depression, no. That's some movie bullshit, I know firsthand it doesn't work like that. But I would very much like to be able to hug her when she says she wants to, to have her see me or hear me in person, because for some goddamn reason Sunshine loves me and I'm one of her best friends.

    It kills me that I'm making her sad. I know it's not my fault, that I can't really help the fact that my family had to move to America and that I'm not back home anymore, but there's no getting rid of this guilt. I don't know how I would forgive myself if she does something to herself. I don't know how I would forgive her.

    Oh right. This entry had a song to go with it. One by Metallica, as covered by Apocalyptica twenty years ago. No lyrics because Apocalyptica are usually just instrumental, but I've found that the way they play it manages to convey the message anyway. I did almost break out into sobs when they played it last night, so there's that. Enjoy if you decide to listen (it's linked to the name, in case you didn't notice it).


    Stay Dirty


  11. The Universe is but a Network of Interdependent Probabilities.



    Yet, here you stay, in practice acting more 

    like inevitability—

    one from which I can not escape. 


    You may feel like impossibility, 

    but as sure as I’m still breathing, 

    my thoughts will create reasons to return to you. 


    I know that each time I wake, 

    the rush of you is waiting, sworn 

    to grace my head with silly notions 

    of our escaping with each other, 

    but then soon after, I’ll recover myself—

    I should know by now that love is no good for my health.


    Still, you’ll have my heart racing, 

    I should probably tell you about the affection 

    that’s baiting me, but I’m not sure that’s a conversation 

    that I can sell.


    So I write it here, in hopes of—well, I don’t know what.


    Perhaps this is an illocution. I could give it up to you,

    but that would take precise execution. 


    Even then it may be no solution, 


    more like an illusion than means of absolution, 


    more like elusive, barely a beggar’s chance at improving affairs. 


    I could dare to let loose and lay my thoughts out in a fusion 

    of emphatic rhymes, poetic screeds, epigrammatic lines, 

    and dramatic pleas for your constitution. I’d bleed for you, 

    leave my heart out bare, leave no room for confusion,

    no room for ambiguous conclusions. 

    Perhaps doing this will lift the noose 

    and disperse these daydreams 

    it seems thoughts of you are oft producing.


    Even if I hand you this as unrepentant proof 

    of how much of my attention you command, 


    I can’t imagine that you’ll care.


    Still, I’d like to prepare something grand,

    it’s my nature to embrace hyperbole. 


    To chase dramatic tropes and wear 

    them as a cloak in the streets for all to see. 


    Oh, how audacious I must be 

    to call what I do poetry. 

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    For those who don't know, Blue is a Japanese 1981 daphne blue Fernandes RST50 "Revival" Stratocaster with a maple neck. It has a 7 screw hole pickguard (as opposed to a 11 hole).

    Unfortunately finding this model in daphne blue is next to impossible, I've only ever seen 1 or 2 other ones and they weren't for sale. Because of this I decided to settle on getting one in any colour and just having it repainted. It took me about a week to find the exact model for a decent price. Most places wanted $700+ for the guitar even though that model isn't worth that much. After searching through ebay, Reverb, and other trading posts I eventually found one on an online store in Japan. Unfortunately they wouldn't ship to Australia but luckily for me, I had a friend in Japan will to help me out!

    The guitar arrived a few weeks later and looks fantastic! I forgot to take pictures of it before it went off to get painted (it's currently being done now) but here's some ones from the online store :)




    Up next - Part Two: Painting & Relicing

  12. Hello, fellow GDCers. Thanks for all of the well wishes through all of this craziness with my dad.

    The latest on my dad is that he will have to go through chemo and radiation starting on September 11th. Surgery was unable to remove all of the cancer, so the doctors now want to do radiation to remove the last of it which they believe they can do. They had to remove one of his jugular veins during the surgery as well as a muscle from his neck to his shoulder that has now limited the ability of him to raise his arm above his head.

    Swallowing is an issue for him at the moment and he's on a liquid diet until he can get his swallowing under control.

    So, today...my mom called to tell me that she has a tumor on her throat and that she will need a biopsy to see if it's cancerous.

    I honestly don't even know how to process all of this. Between my dad's cancer, his confession of an affair 15 years ago and now my mom maybe having cancer? In a dark way, it's almost become comical. Nothing fazes me anymore and I just laugh at awful news now because it's become so ridiculous.

    Anyhey. Life is swell and I can't wait to see Green Day in 12 more days.

  13. What I Lost

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    I have a new blog post up on my new website: www.whatilost.net

    Again, it's about losing 93 pounds over the past year. Enjoy!


  14. Comrade
    Latest Entry

    Somehow I've suddenly not posted any writing here for coming up to a year.

    For the most part I've not been writing much. The odd line here, the odd paragraph there. Disjointed ideas and exercises in description or writing things down as they happen so I don't forget the funny little things and stories life throws up, but about four months ago I started writing a lot more again.

    I think I stopped after a severe case of writers' burnout and block. I didn't have anything left to say and nothing I was doing, seeing or feeling really inspired me to write. But over the winter, I started to feel a little less jaded and out poured the words. There's a lot I won't share because it's objectively naff, but these, to me, really capture a pair of liberating moments in time.



    There’s nothing rare about a pretty face 
    And my friends were on the case:
    “Yeah she was fit, but you’re well rid of it”
    I broke her heart into little red pieces;
    I heard that I was a terrible person
    From the ‘victim’ who had kissed another:
    “You’re manipulative and always have to be right”
    And if I’d put up a fight then I was proving her right. 
    Take your pick of the posies, I admit; 
    But the worst thing that I did 
    Was mistake beauty for emotional intelligence
    And take her back a hear ago.
    I almost believed it when it mattered then, 
    But she just blogged the whole time and moaned about her shitty friends.




    Northern Soul

    Said that she was down from Glasgow 
    And out looking for a bit of a rascal 
    Who’s up for dancing all night on the tables;
    Someone who ain’t all hung up on social labels, 
    She’s dressed up to the nineteen nineties;
    All baggy pants and an orange velvet crop top
    That she got for cheap in a second hand shop…
    She thought “I can see it in his eyes,
    He’s only in it for the prize”
    But oh darling I – 
    I see it in your eyes:
    Across all the spilled beers you look alive,
    Can I take you home…

    I’m fooling around, making the most of my last young days 
    I’m having her ‘round, I think we’re gunna misbehave 
    This girl speaks to the adolescent all alone
    Who’s still self-conscious about his growing body, 
    Back when the touch of skin was something that I’d never known;
    And I’d never been free the way that she has northern soul.

    All linked arms singing to Come on Eileen
    During the verses I catch her eyeing me 
    While her friend’s friend makes his move and 
    Leans in for the kiss and only gets the girls’ hand…
    In mine, she turns around
    The whole crowd cheers us on, 
    We forget about the song…
    And Darling I – 
    I see a little green in your eyes
    On this night, in this light you look alive 
    Oh let’s go home?

     “I like that you seem suave…
    Tell me all your stories
    And we’ll stay up ‘till the morning”
    Oh Darling I – 
    I kissed her chest and I told her 
    All the things that make me older 
    And she laughed
    And rolled a little closer to me;
    “This’ll just be another story”
    Darling I
    Feel so alive.


  15. Hello!

    Perhaps this is a dorky request, but I figure since we're all music enthusiasts here, why not?

    The composer of the first three Tomb Raider games is hosting a Kickstarter project to revamp the soundtrack with a full orchestra, to be recorded at Abbey Road studios in London. I wrote up a summary regarding the project over on the Tomb Raider Deviantart page I admin if anyone's interested in more details: http://tombraiders.deviantart.com/journal/The-Tomb-Raider-Suite-News-686956563

    Here's the direct Kickstarter link: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1636910846/the-tomb-raider-suite/description


    We're almost there! If anyone would like to back the project, there's some epic goodies up for grabs when you participate including signed posters, shirts and more! 


  16. Green Day Songwriting Project

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    Latest Entry

    I might do it so its a single song cuz i dont have that much time

  17. Yep you guessed it new song here you go:
    In retrospect I should've redone the guitar parts for vocals but oh well
    Other than that I think this is my favorite one besides the previous song



    Remember that summer night 
    I spent half the party alone
    Depressed over stupid fights
    I made you a friend on my own 

    The memories all flood back...

    Do you remember when
    We texted all night
    We hated our lives
    Now we're alright
    I remember those days
    They seem so far away
    It's when things finally changed
    You came and stayed
    You've made me okay 

    Remember how homecoming sucked
    Got home, cried when we got our chance
    Later there was the haunted house
    You got so scared you took my hand 

    The memories all flood back...


    100 hours of phone calls
    We talked about everything
    Yet nothing at all
    We've had so much fun 
    Look at how far we've come 

    [Guitar Solo]

    [Do you remember when
    We texted all night
    We hated our lives
    Now we're alright... x2]
    I remember those days
    They seem so far away
    It's when things finally changed
    You came and stayed
    You've made me okay  [x3]
    Since that first day
    You've made me okay

  18. Okay, so since I can't delete blog posts, I decided to just take this old one ('cuz the song this post was originally for was basically an old version of this one) and update it with this. Anyways, I think the song is pretty self-explanatory. That girl that I've been on about forever has a new boyfriend now, and this time they actually seem really happy together (unlike with her last boyfriend where they just seemed indifferent). Obviously, that's made me wonder whether I should just let her go or what, and this song reflects that. 

    I'm not gonna post chords for this one 'cuz I don't have them all worked out yet. I have some of it worked out, but not all of it.

    Verse one:
    I want you to be happy, but I'm still in pain
    I'm sitting here alone in the pouring rain
    Just trying to figure out if it was worth the wait
    'Cuz now it really looks as if I was too late

    I know this doesn't mean that it'll last forever
    But you two really seem to be so happy together
    It's gotten to a point where I don't know what to do
    'Cuz if I fell in love again, well it just wouldn't be you

    I still love you with all my heart
    But my dreams are torn apart
    I'm not sure I can let you go
    You mean so much, you'll never know

    Verse two:
    I could've been with you if I wasn't so scared
    That I couldn't say a word and all I did was stare

    Now everything I believed just feels like one big lie
    And I don't even know if I should bother to try

    [Repeat pre-chorus/chorus]

    Final chorus:
    I still love you with all my heart
    But now my dreams are torn apart

    If this is what you want, then it's okay
    But is there still hope of us some day?

  19. Dan's Blog

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    This is my first blog entry here, so if you've found yourself reading this then hey! I hope you enjoy the chaos of thought this will no doubt evolve into over time:P

    Oh yeah, there will be spoilers for the show if you're reading this btw, if you haven't already finished it.

    So last week I started seeing a lot of controversy on my facebook about 13 Reasons Why. I was seeing people praise it for its brutality, but I was seeing far more people complaining that it was too much/too triggering/disrespectful to mental illness and rape victims. So I had to watch it for a number of reasons. For a start I couldn't imagine it possibly being as brutal as people were making out. Secondly, it was touching on issues like bullying, suicide and rape. I know a lot about bullying, but not much about the other two, so I figured it was kind of important to watch.

    The first few episodes didn't really grab me much to be honest. I'm only saying this because I can't fully articulate my thoughts, but they felt kind of High School Musical to me. I obviously knew it was going to go to dark places, and the episodes did have dark undertones, but what I saw from those episodes seemed like a huge cliche, the whole idea of jocks and nerds etc. I don't like the setting of an American High School for some reason, and I thought some of the characters seemed like generic archetypes that would never exist. But I guess that was the genius of the show, you never know what goes on in someone else's life. 

    As it went on it got harder to watch. I saw the life slowly drain from Hannah over the course of the flashbacks, and I saw Clay unravel in the present through his guilt and anxiety, all while everyone else on the tapes seemed more concerned with their own reputations than the fact they collectively drove a girl to suicide. The basketball scene where Clay hallucinates Hannah's corpse in the middle of the hall stands out to me. I ended up growing to really like Hannah as a character, even though the idea of the tapes was cold and fucked up.

    The last few episodes really broke me though. Watching the scene of Bryce raping Jessica was uncomfortable, and I was finally understanding that the show was as brutal as everyone had said, and was only going to get worse. Jeff's death was sad too, he was a sweet guy and didn't deserve his fate, and I felt for Clay in the flashbacks having lost who seemed to be his closest friend. Everybody deserves a Jeff. Then Clay's tape really upset me. The fact that Hannah included him in the tapes, but revealed that she didn't blame him for anything, instead telling him that he was just such a good guy that she didn't deserve because she would've fucked him up. Including him in the tapes to me means that she wanted to explain to Clay why she killed herself, maybe in the hopes of her not wanting him to blame himself. She didn't even do that for her family, and it was really poignant I guess. And Clay's reaction was heart wrenching. Following that, Tony's support for him was touching. We all deserve a Tony too. And the rape in the next episode was painful to watch. The life drains from Hannah's face as it happens. Katherine Langford did a great job as Hannah.

    The finale broke me. There had been two rapes and a number of heart ripping emotional scenes, how could it get worse? It showed Hannah actually killing herself. It pulls no punches, we see her slit her wrists and bleed to death in the bath. And if that wasn't bad enough, we see her parents find her body. Nothing happens off screen. I won't lie, that was the moment I finally cried like I'd wanted to since episode 11. And then I cried some more an hour later when I'd gone to bed. Some people can maybe write the suicide scene off as fiction, but it's not. It's reality for so many people every day. When life overwhelms them, they die alone in a bathtub and in agony after cutting their wrists only to be found by a family member or friend who had no idea anything was wrong. It was so raw it really got to me thinking about the people who die like that. And I don't even know anyone who has, I can't imagine what it must be like for people who have known someone who killed themselves. It was sad letting the character of Hannah go too, like I said earlier I'd grown to like her as a character a lot. I should also say I've never been so emotionally invested in a TV show before because I finished it last night but I still feel really fucking sad and gloomy. So please recommend a more cheerful show on netflix to get my mind off this if you can.

    I think I'm glad I watched it though, it fucked me up but I can't praise 13 Reasons Why enough.



  20. Rampancy at Midnight

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    Latest Entry

    Nearly every day starts the same for me. I wake up late, grab a coffee while getting ready for work, then I spend a few minutes reviewing stats and metrics from across a dozen different websites. On days off  like today, the only change is that I haven't showered yet. After getting my coffee and powdered donut (my biggest weakness) I went about trying to find something entertaining to watch while I tweet from my cell phone about other bands I've heard about. Then I finally decided to get of my ass and then immediately plop in front of the desk and start really promoting things. Running an ad on Facebook/Instagram, that takes a lot of work. Then I have to go see what is trending on twitter, might be able to use those. Of course I have 2 of 6 songs left to record for the album, so a quick review of those and  any fresh ideas that might come from em are a must! Right now I'm working on the new intro for Opposition, I think it will be massive! It is of course a 7+ minute long song, the second one on this EP. Just can't help myself.
    After losing a straight hour between submissions, media contacts, streaming, uploading, downloading, cross referencing, and just general PR shit, I think I'll take a break with some more coffee and keep watching the 13 Reasons Why show. MAybe.

    On a side note, I quit nicotine on Friday morning so now I'm noticing how much more ADD I really am! It's fucking insane!

  21. Dirntbag
    Latest Entry

    Pandora’s nimble fingers, which opened the box
    perhaps never pressed, slow, secret and soft
    into another’s skin; Zeus bade her keep her desire within
    and she never knew that flattened flower feeling
    of burying her face in a lover’s neck, of breathing in.

    From her fingers fluttered golden hope
    on a moth’s powdery wings
    that should dissolve in dust and smoke
    if it did not, by nature, flutter behind evil things.
    Bestowed upon her; all manner of gifts,
    a tender heart, eager lips, cunning, wit
    but denied to use them – 
    she can’t ever revel in the feeling of his cocooning hands
    all entwined in silk, enfolding tanned waist,
    won’t understand
    the Pandora’s box of good emotions
    that his interlaced fingers so easily open.

    Forged out of the Earth, like her,
    and with dints imprinted down his spine,
    bodies intertwined, she unpeels, unlocks,
    and in rush of effervescent, beautiful thoughts,
    vulnerability, singular, bumbles out of the box,
    gets caught in his prickly beard
    that reddens her skin in glittering heat.
    He nudges it out; a tesseract of feeble, scintillating doubt.

    Him and his first-mortal-forged confidence
    and his bare naked talk,
    and how she nuzzles him when he can’t sleep.
    Into artwork made
    when his face laugh lines and his whole body shakes,
    two halves of one whole,
    both borne of Earth’s molten core,
    and bestowing upon eachother all wonderful gifts,
    the softest parts of themselves, vulnerability,
    nakedness, “here,” 
    offered up to bite or to kiss,
    “ I want you to have this.”

  22. WhiteTim's Blog

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    Another sleepless night

    Another sleepless night in pain

    Another sleepless night in despair

    Another day of going through the motions

    Another day of loneliness

    Another day of praying the pain away

    Another day of the prayers going unheard

    Another day of knowing how useless of a human being I've become

    Another day my disease has cut me down inch by inch

    Another day to dwell on how useless of an father I am

    Another day of no joy of no hope no future

    Another day of someone pointing and saying "oh he's lazy"

    not knowing I'm not but I'm in too much of pain to do anything now

    Another day of wishing for this life to end

    Another day of the reclusiveness

    Another day of not having friends to go eat with or talk to in a non social media platform

    Another day to be ashamed

    Another day to hear the dreaded phrase "it'll get better" to me Another day to repeat no it won't as my disease is forever

    Another day of hoping for a day of normalcy

    Another day for another sleepless night

    Another sleepless night to repeat the cycle