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Stuff. Thoughts.

Posted by Ritz , 02 January 2013 · 254 views

Hey guys, I hope you all are doing fine. I wanna wish all of you a Happy New Year!
Ah this time there's no song from me, no lyrics or music. Just a plain blog post about my feelings. I don't feel too good today, I don't know why. I had a rough day, it wasn't bad and nothing bad happened. It was just a very busy day, running around the city for various jobs. And at the end of the day I am exhausted and frustrated. 
I was at my aunt's place with my Mom and we were just talking about various stuff and then the topic of my cousin brother's death came up. I wasn't here when he died 3 years ago, I was in a different city for studying. I got on the train to meet him after about 3 years, the day he had an accident and died. My cousin sister (His own sister) just got engaged the day before he passed away, so there was a mood of celebration and I was on my way to the celebration. I was so happy when I pictured the scene in my head, seeing my brother after such a long time. But couldn't. 
So, anyway, my mother  was depicting whatever happened the day he died. It was an accident, a bike accident. I just cannot write about it cos even thinking about it gives me tears, I loved him so much. I was immature when he died, I didn't know how to deal with it. Nobody told me when I was in the train. I got to know when I reached home. I was just numb,  everyone was hugging me and crying and I couldn't react. But now when I listen to everything that happened on that day, tears roll into my eyes in a flash. I just want to get it out, I don't know why I am writing this, but when my mom talked about it today, it made me incredibly sad.
And I care about someone a lot but I think that has turned into annoyance for that person. I might have 'over' cared but I can't help it. I just care about some people more but it hurts so much to see that the person is actually annoyed by you asking what's wrong and stuff. I am a mess right now. You guys are thinking that too, right? I mean, talking about someone who is just an online friend. Whatever one might do or say, life is sometimes not what it seems like, at the moment.
Did that even make any sense? OMG I am rambling. I'll stop. See you later guys! 

I get it. Something similar happened to me and at the time I was too numb to react. Everyone around me felt the same and we all distanced ourselves from each other instead of being supportive. It was an awful time. You might feel bad now but at least you're finally able to grieve properly, and are making up for the lost years. It'll get better with time. Just remember that you're on the right track. :)

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