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The Gentleman 2.0

Posted by Comrade , in Poetry 20 January 2013 · 281 views

Back in the summer I wrote a poem called 'The Gentleman', for which I was given some very interesting feedback which even made me view my own writing and the original meaning and intent behind it differently. It's remained one of my favourites ever since. I have, over the course of the last 6 months, made the odd tweak, changed some lines here and there until, while around 70% of it is the same, the changes have refocused it, and made it quite a different poem. The changes have brought it more into alignment with the meaning I originally intended for the piece, but taking on board said feedback, I made an effort to keep it...illusory, so the character described reflects the reader's personality more than anything, which, for me, is what the character described should do.
 
I'm reposting primarily because, as a reflection of my belief that no art should be consigned to one format in an age where creation and sharing is a multi-platform thing, I will be shooting a cinematic video with the poem read out over it in coming weeks. I'd love to hear what folks think of the words before anything visual is involved. Analyse, abuse, comment, criticise. Fuck it. have a cake. Just enjoy, I hope. 
 
 

The Gentleman

He bore himself with utmost pride
While walking through the streets at night,
Drawn to those who came to confide
Their natures, called by his invite;
Blue eyes that calmed and fostered hate
And lips of ruby set in stone
He’d whisper plans to actuate
That he would never be unknown

Moving on with elegant grace
His footsteps quick, his gaze alight
Until he came upon a place
Where he was greeted with delight;
There he’d offer unto his guests
Wine and every means to pleasure
And while they indulged he would wrest
Their souls from them at his leisure

Yet his manner is not vicious
Nor could it be said he were rude;
To some he may seem pernicious,
But he would never dare intrude
Upon a stranger to his ways
To them he is a noble gent;
Of flawless style and smooth phrase
Who they are glad that they once met
 
 
Here is the original text:
 
Spoiler




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pasalacquaian
Jan 20 2013 06:28 PM

Very cool poem! Nice use of adjectives, I could clearly picture this 'gentlemen' in all his glory. I really liked this part 'Then while they indulged he would wrest
Their souls from them at his leisure'
It sent shivers down my spine!! The only thing I might change would be the length of the stanzas; instead of havig them 8 lines each, consider changing it to 4 just because of the rhyming scheme and all...it might be easier to follow this way.

Altogether, nice work!! :)

    • Comrade likes this
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Thank you so much for reading it, sorry it's taken a while to say it! I'll keep it at 8 lines for now because of the way it sounds spoken, as it is intended, and unless I change the structure, splitting the stanzas would interrupt the sentences. 

 

I'm glad you enjoyed it though. 

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