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This Every Second

Posted by Cat C , in Lyrics 15 January 2013 · 574 views

I’d like to formally introduce this song as the little bastard that has been shamelessly dancing around my consciousness for five, long, years. Meet the phantom title that has caused me so much God damned stress as a songwriter, that has plagued me as a lyricist, and puzzled me as a poet: here is “This Every Second”.
 

 
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Spoiler

 
About This Song: We’re losers of The One That Got Away syndrome, connecting sentiment to long-lost romance; consuming ourselves with an inexplicable longing for worthless, and impulsive moments. They become our twists of fate, our escape, the glittering flashes of freedom we’ll never get to trip into again. Literally, this song is about a passionate, uninhabited, perfect sexual encounter, and wanting nothing more than to re-live it again, and again, for every agonizing second of your life.
 

 
This Every Second
 
You and I, we can't speak for shaking,

Feels like, my eager heart is breaking,

Careless, denim and cotton hit the floor,

Teach me how to feel, teach me to adore
 

 
Nameless, aching bodies without place,

Or time; simply addicts to another's taste,

Not "why", nor tainted whispers of regret,

Teach me how to touch, teach me to forget...
 

 
[Chorus]

Chase me, away from life,

Take me, just for tonight,

Waste me, like wasted time,

Placed me, into this lie
 
 

You and I, trip into love with every breath,

Of poison kisses, as smooth as cigarettes,

Strung out, on this romance we can't afford,

Teach me how to live, teach me to explore

 

So close, hold me tighter, watch me break,

Into pieces, each tender one for you to take,

Don't speak, this every second's ecstasy,

Teach me how to love, teach me to be free...
 
 

[Chorus]

Chase me, away from life,

Take me, just for tonight,

Waste me, like wasted time,

Placed me, into this lie
 

 
[Bridge]
Blue daydreams melting into weeks,

For breathless words I yearn to speak,

Two voices hushed and bodies close,

This moment lost I want the most
 

 
A moment lost I want the most...
 

 
[Chorus]

Chase me, away from life,

Take me, just for tonight,

Waste me, like wasted time,

Placed me, into this lie
 
 

Chase me, away from life,

Take me, just for tonight,

Waste me, like wasted time,

Placed me, into this lie!
 
 

------------------------------------------------

 
Comments are greatly, greatly appreciated! :) Also, you may notice that this chorus is shared with a previous song I posted, called Hell For Leather. This is the original, despite posting HFL first. Suppose it shows how long I've been working on it! 

  • mmmcrazypills, GreenDayBass, Moriarty and 4 others like this


Lyrics are awesome! OMG! I want to jear you singing it!
    • Cat C likes this
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You're a really good lyricist. :)

    • Cat C likes this
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Thank you both so much. :hug: 

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I thought I'd finally be brave enough to comment :) I always like to try and drill down into any kind of writing, so please please *please* don't take the specificity as damning criticism. It's actually because I really like your writing that I'm even offering suggestions!

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The cadence of the first couple of lines is really good, to the point that I found myself effortlessly singing to a song I have no melody for. You seem to struggle a little with the rest of that verse; too many syllables per line makes it feel a little unwieldy. While not as accurate, tweaking it to something like "Careless, my cotton hits the floor / Teach me how to feel, and to adore" would help the flow.

A similar problem occurs in the next verse. Another good first line, but looping the sentiment through to the start of the next line feels a little stuttering. I feel a better version of that line is perhaps "Addicts to another's taste and time".

The chorus is simple but direct, which I liked a lot. The only slight problem I have is the "Waste me, like wasted time" part. While I get the Sassafras Roots feel you're swinging for, the slight irreverence of the line makes for an awkward contrast to the desperation of the surrounding lines. Annoyingly, I can't think of an alternative at the moment, but perhaps something will come to me!

Another wonderful pair of opening lines right after the chorus; "Of poison kisses, as smooth as cigarettes," is really great imagery that strongly evokes some of Billie's writing :) "Strung out..." is good too, but again: lose the unnecessary syllable of 'this' to tighten it up.

The last verse is the most difficult; something about it just doesn't hang together properly, and it's hard to pinpoint why. "Into pieces, each tender one for you to take," could perhaps be "Each tender piece for you to take", which feels lyrical rather than the more poetic form in the original. "Your electric touch is ecstasy" could *maybe* become "Your touch is electric ecstasy" - the slight aliteration gives it an edge. There's nothing wrong with the last line (repeating, as it does, the form from the other verses), but since it's your final one it would be nice to put a new twist on it: the lyrical equivalent of going up an octave for the last chorus. Replace the "teach" with a similar, but different word? The listening would still pick up on the hook, but would also be surprised too.

With the bridge, you have that definite poetry to lines like "For breathless words I yearn to speak". It's almost more of a sonnet than a song lyric, if that makes sense. I haven't got a set idea really, which is annoyingly unhelpful. "All these breathless words and [something]" is more of a lyrical form; the 'and' in particular. Something about a leaping heart? I'm just throwing ideas out here, I guess. The repeat at the end of the bridge is good, but maybe change the penultimate line to reflect a shared feeling: "Our" or "we", which then nicely moves into the more personal "...*I* want the most".

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I hate commenting on lyrics, because a lot of lines you think wouldn't work are transformed by music. It's one of the hardest forms to criticise in isolation for just that reason. So do take my comments here with a pinch of salt, particularly if you have a melody in your head already. All the edits I made to shorten the lines could easily make it worse if you were writing to something specific, so do keep that in mind :)

Above all, it's a great piece and you really do convey a powerful feel and message. I can see why it took you so long to get your head around the title, which - like you say - is a great match for what you finally had the experience to write. I thought about deleting this a couple of times out of fear you'd lose sight of that amongst the criticisms, which would be a tragedy. You've got loads of talent and some killer lines. I'm just a dude on the internet with an opinion. We're a dime a dozen; talent is not ;)

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Wow Paul, thanks for the amazing comment! I really appreciate how much you've actually read into the words, instead of just skimming through them and coming up with a one-word response (or no response at all). :hug:

 

Have you ever thought about songwriting? You've got some great ideas there. :) One thing I want to mention is that this is aimed to be a pop / alternative pop song (think Lana Del Rey, Wynter Gordon etc), inspired by Gaga & Kylie. Definitely not channelling Green Day or their contemporaries! It has no music, also. Kind of imagined it as quite sensual, dark, with a typical axis-of-awesome four chord progression chorus & a good beat.

 

To be honest I got kind of sick of writing to such a rigid syllable structure, and instead focussed on making each line mean what I wanted to say rather than compromising that for structure's sake. :) 

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This is wonderful Cat! In my head I can imagine someone quietly singing the verses as intensity builds up into the second half, until the energy breaks loose in the chorus and bridge and the vocalist lets loose until they can sing no more. Great, great stuff. 

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This is wonderful Cat! In my head I can imagine someone quietly singing the verses as intensity builds up into the second half, until the energy breaks loose in the chorus and bridge and the vocalist lets loose until they can sing no more. Great, great stuff. 

 

Reminiscent of sex, yeah that's how I imagined it. :happy: The "A moment lost I want the most" being her having a brief moment of clarity before the chorus takes off again. 

    • Cob likes this
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From the second I hit post to the second you replied, I was genuinely so worried you were going to be offended or even upset. The whole time, my brain was screaming "SHOULDN'T HAVE POSTED. IDIOT" :lol: So yeah, I'm relieved you're okay with my comments! I always meant them in a more positive way than could have been interpreted. And no songwriting as of yet... I write a lot of longer-form pieces, so I feel like this wouldn't be an easy medium for me (despite lyrics undoubtedly being my favourite thing about music!).

 

I definitely get the Lana Del Rey vibe; that kind of dark, sexy beat was the sound I had in my head throughout. It was really just that one line that screamed Billie, but hey: it's no bad thing when he seeps in to your writing ;) If you were hoping to evoke a feeling with your lyrics, then you really did succeed. Without music, I'm naturally driven towards catchiness and bounce, hence my first call is always towards tighter lyrics. But I can't argue with what you've set out to achieve: the message is crystal clear, without a doubt.

 

It's great to break away from convention sometimes, especially when you've got such an obviously good grasp of language. This might sound odd maybe, but  there's an unmistakable sound to your lyrics that betrays a life of absorbing great pop music. You're a student of the genre, and it shows :) Have you got some more nearly done? Can't wait to see them! :wub:

    • Cat C and Cob like this
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From the second I hit post to the second you replied, I was genuinely so worried you were going to be offended or even upset. The whole time, my brain was screaming "SHOULDN'T HAVE POSTED. IDIOT" :lol: So yeah, I'm relieved you're okay with my comments! I always meant them in a more positive way than could have been interpreted. And no songwriting as of yet... I write a lot of longer-form pieces, so I feel like this wouldn't be an easy medium for me (despite lyrics undoubtedly being my favourite thing about music!).

 

I definitely get the Lana Del Rey vibe; that kind of dark, sexy beat was the sound I had in my head throughout. It was really just that one line that screamed Billie, but hey: it's no bad thing when he seeps in to your writing ;) If you were hoping to evoke a feeling with your lyrics, then you really did succeed. Without music, I'm naturally driven towards catchiness and bounce, hence my first call is always towards tighter lyrics. But I can't argue with what you've set out to achieve: the message is crystal clear, without a doubt.

 

It's great to break away from convention sometimes, especially when you've got such an obviously good grasp of language. This might sound odd maybe, but  there's an unmistakable sound to your lyrics that betrays a life of absorbing great pop music. You're a student of the genre, and it shows :) Have you got some more nearly done? Can't wait to see them! :wub:

 

Constructive criticism is always welcome from writers man. Anything that can help make things that we can be even more proud of.

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Reminiscent of sex, yeah that's how I imagined it. :happy: The "A moment lost I want the most" being her having a brief moment of clarity before the chorus takes off again. 

That's the tone I'm going for on the last song I put up, although more passion and less sexy, I think. And it's not alternative pop though, although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Keep it up!

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The thing is, if we wanted someone to blindly tell us things are good we'd show our parents, you know what I mean? Every post on here asks for response. We're not asking for hate, but something that we can actually use, and receiving comments like yours are exactly what everybody constantly asks for. :) Supportive and helpful! Know what you mean though, I left a small critique on another post (which I liked) the other day and was debating whether or not to post it. Actually wrote the disclaimer "Everybody asks for criticism but nobody gets it so…"

 

Thanks so much for the compliments both of you! :hug: Rock music feels like home but pop is what I want to write. I just… there aren't words for how much I adore good pop. Have really taken those compliments to heart.

 

Currently writing 2 songs, but they're a long way from being finished. One called Candy King about the negative side of being with somebody who is very confident; your typical 'leader of the pack' figure. Trying to make that more conventionally pop but it's leading towards being more poetic and I'm gonna have to reign it in. I'll see where it goes. Then there's This Crutch about using somebody as a safety net. :)

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I love how the words flow so gracefully in your lyrics and how you can instantly put them into rhythms in your head and they flow.

 

Even though it took 5 years, everything has it's place. You often hear songwriters saying how they wrote one verse in one year, and then another a few years later. Like how Billie Joe wrote Scattered (which is quite the appropriate song title for how it was written!). Patience in waiting for the right moment for something is a virtue and you got it spot on here.

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Thanks so much! :) This was definitely very scattered. The title has been attached to countless bits of poetry and lyrics over the years. After publishing a song on this blog called Stereo Slut I impulsively opened a document and wrote a string of random poetry, and within that was the chorus and some other bits I've included. It was one of those moments when you just know. Worth the wait, I think. :)

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The second verse as a whole is, for me, the most perfect example of pure lyricism working perfectly, but the line 'Teach me how to love, teach me to be free' is the 'breakout' quote of the set. I think that line is not only the encapsulation of the adoration of a lover - it's to love itself and the openness, freeness that comes with it - but as pop line it is inclusive and anthemic.

 

'Waste me like wasted time' has a similar quality, but more...makes me think of a nihilistic love song. A bit punk, a bit jaded, not caring about anything but the moment.

 

I will say the bridge doesn't do too much for me, from a purely poetic point of view. Sleep, speak, close, most as rhymes feel a little clumsy; it kinda detracts from the individual lines and makes it a little cluncky, while the first line is a little too cliche but the last line is awesome. 'The moment lost I want the most' is not just a cool image but it rolls really nicely. 

 

Definitely a really cool piece, as always you retain that slight darkness, the sexiness of your influences. You say alternative pop - yeah, it's what it looks like. Something along the lines of The Divinyls' 'I Touch Myself'. Your writing has charisma. 

 

A gem that needs just a little polishing and it'll be there, imo. :happy:

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I would fucking love if this was a lana del Rey song. Bravo!
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The problem with writing this after so many attempts across the years, is that I felt like I needed to include odd lines / verses from old pieces. I liked them, and they were a good representation of the song, but whether they fit in this particular set of lyrics is something I'm starting to doubt. One of those was the bridge, which I included purely because of the line "A moment lost I want the most". Might re-write that before adding it to the old portfolio. :)

 

Lana has some cracking songs! I imagine it as Lana, but with a really sexy beat behind it. Slightly more… uptempo than her usual style but nothing too far off. :D

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Rumpelstiltskin
Jan 17 2013 02:22 PM

omg, thats so beautiful!!! It made my heart melt.

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Holy crap the discussion!! I don't have anything huge and insightful to add, but awesome song Cat!! :D Made me a little sad and a little hot at the same time.

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Hot, heart melting sadness. I should've talked to you two before writing the description! 

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billiejoephil
Jan 17 2013 03:57 PM

Awesome! Really like the lyrics, has a very natural vibe to it. Keep it up!

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